Ximena

You are an amazing person for creating this. Some people out there really need this.

@Ximena413 hi

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I don't want any of you to feel the way I do right now: like an unloved loser. So, I'm going to tell you all I love you.
          
          I LOVE YOU. Yeah, you. /YOU/, I love YOU.
          
          I really need to look at my followers. I have no clue who all's following me. I also don't know if any of you have sent anything in for Help. If you haven't yet, please do! Thanks!
          
          §Ximena§

wrote this. No, I'm not going to tell anyone I know. Fuck all this shit. I'm sorry.
          
          So yeah, that was that. I just felt like showing you guys. I love you all. Please, don't forget that. I don't want people to feel the way I do. I want everyone to feel needed, to feel loved. Not that my wants will make a difference. My needs don't.
          
          Anyway, bye guys. Don't forget to send me your problems. I don't think I've gotten any yet. <3
          
          §Ximena§
          
          
          
          
          
          
          I actually had much more than this typed, but I didn't copy any of that. Whoops. 

trouble, back off, don't push it any further. Because then it's your fucking fault. Continuing my little explanation thingy: my friends see forever where I see a short period of time. My friends jump from thing to thing, getting tired and letting go of things and songs and games and stories and styles and people quickly and easily, whereas I like to stick to things. I like reliability. Where others demand attention, I simply ask. When I don't ask for attention, I'm always given it, when I do, I'm ignored. It hurts. Where others see an opportunity to ask for something, I keep to myself. I'm the most needy person who never asks for anything and when I do, I always get neglected and I don't know how much longer I can take it. It's really getting on my nerves. That's why I try to fit in, why I try not to ask for things, why I don't get my hopes up, why I'm not confident, why I'm a fucking piece of shit that doesn't deserve anything, mainly because I don't ask for it, but hey. I get the worst of the things because everyone else is so fucking greedy and impatient and as soon as I want to rush and get something done or get the best of something, I'm told to be patient and to wait my turn when I do that all the fucking time. I've become so accustomed to being last and it's so tiring. My needs are never, evert put first, and when I do something really cool or accomplish something great, no one even fucking cares and I really wish everyone would see things the way I do. It makes me so mad. But it also makes me really sad. Yes, I was crying as I 

This will be broken up into parts.
          
          So, I saw this quote: "Sometes I think I'm crazy because I see things differently than everyone else," and this was my response:
          
          I even see things differently from my friends sometimes. Where they see an amazing future, I can barely see tomorrow. I think of things in the long term, though, and analyze my actions and see how they could possibly play out. They act in the now, then complain about consequences. I let my feelings fester inside of me for so long that I become numb, they let their feelings out whenever they want and complain when they get called whiny. If you don't want to be called whiny, don't complain. Explain instead. Then, if you start to get in 

Fucking hell. I hate this. Agh.
          
          Life is seriously just sucking right now. I really want to relapse, but I can't. I promised myself, and I don't want to disappoint my friends. Agh. If I relapsed, then I would also be incredibly ashamed to tell my friends. As far as one of them knows, I've been clean for over a month. Nope. It's been a little over two weeks. Because of her. Fucking hell. I don't want to tell her.
          
          I want to tell someone an it's killing me. I'm legitimately breaking down right now. For me, breaking down is a few tears here an there, because I don't normally cry. Ugh.
          
          Thanks for reading this if you did. You didn't have to. I just wanted to get it off my chest. Death sounds so appealing right now. But I have too much to look forward to. I'm not entirely excited about it, though. Life isn't supposed to get easier, it just gets harder. Ask any adult.
          
          Anyway, I'll talk to you all later, maybe even try to write an actual book-like-thing or whatever. It might end up being a rant book. I've seen it around, so I might try it out, see if it works. All the things that irk me might go there, just so I don't have to let them fester inside of me.
          
          Thanks, everyone. I love you all.
          §Ximena§

@LouisTwinklinson hai! Congrats on 10k! :D