annaneedsagooduserna

You are very right, I am a useless apple

Bonjour! If you want I could possibly help you with your studies, this is my 3rd year of learning so I could possibly help!

Your writing is pretty good, but the main thing about it is that your should put the little paragraph spaces whenever someone speaks, for example:
            I noticed one of my friends, Max, was walking towards me and gave him a small wave. “Hi!” I smiled when I got his attention. 
            “Hey, how are you?” He asked as he approached me.
            “Pretty good, what about you?”
            “Yeah I’m doing good t-“ He was interrupted by some stranger bumping into him, they didn’t even apologise after and kept on walking. “Hey! Watch it...” He grumbled and turned back to me.
            
            If you’re writing on the Wattpad website I’d suggest using google drive or word to write in, because for some reason Wattpad does this dumb thing where if you press space once it’ll act as if you pressed it twice which annoys me when I’m on my laptop, but most times I’m writing on my iPad on the app and the paragraph thing doesn’t occur.
            
            There isn’t really anything else I can say except that you should continue writing because your imagines are really good, and the only way you can improve is to continue writing(says me who only updates my story 2 times a month lmao)

Your writing is pretty good, but the main thing about it is that your should put the little paragraph spaces whenever someone speaks, for example:
            I noticed one of my friends, Max, was walking towards me and gave him a small wave. “Hi!” I smiled when I got his attention. 
            “Hey, how are you?” He asked as he approached me.
            “Pretty good, what about you?”
            “Yeah I’m doing good t-“ He was interrupted by some stranger bumping into him, they didn’t even apologise after and kept on walking. “Hey! Watch it...” He grumbled and turned back to me.
            
            If you’re writing on the Wattpad website I’d suggest using google drive or word to write in, because for some reason Wattpad does this dumb thing where if you press space once it’ll act as if you pressed it twice which annoys me when I’m on my laptop, but most times I’m writing on my iPad on the app and the paragraph thing doesn’t occur.
            
            There isn’t really anything else I can say except that you should continue writing because your imagines are really good, and the only way you can improve is to continue writing(says me who only updates my story 2 times a month lmao)

Your writing is pretty good, but the main thing about it is that your should put the little paragraph spaces whenever someone speaks, for example:
            I noticed one of my friends, Max, was walking towards me and gave him a small wave. “Hi!” I smiled when I got his attention. 
            “Hey, how are you?” He asked as he approached me.
            “Pretty good, what about you?”
            “Yeah I’m doing good t-“ He was interrupted by some stranger bumping into him, they didn’t even apologise after and kept on walking. “Hey! Watch it...” He grumbled and turned back to me.
            
            If you’re writing on the Wattpad website I’d suggest using google drive or word to write in, because for some reason Wattpad does this dumb thing where if you press space once it’ll act as if you pressed it twice which annoys me when I’m on my laptop, but most times I’m writing on my iPad on the app and the paragraph thing doesn’t occur.
            
            There isn’t really anything else I can say except that you should continue writing because your imagines are really good, and the only way you can improve is to continue writing(says me who only updates my story 2 times a month lmao)

Hi child

I was just thinking about it and the death was too sudden, I’m going to give an example from my favourite film, Thor: Ragnarok(don’t read on if you don’t want spoilers), basically within the first 20 or so minutes of the film Thor and Loki visit their father, theres a conversation between the three of them that lasts a couple minutes then without warning the father dies and evaporates into the air(kinda like the Jedi and that in Star Wars), literally no one in the cinema cried and i was like ‘Lol wut’ to my friends and they had the same reaction. Basically you should establish better relationships with Mikey for all of the characters in the book, maybe spend a chapter or two with some stuff about Mikey, Gerard, Frank, and some of the other characters. I think that’s all I have to say for now

There is a really good plot to it, but I feel like Gerard feeling like something was off is a bit too coincidental, maybe instead say that he had a strange feeling that something wasn’t right all day or something along those lines. In my opinion I feel like the plot advanced to fast, so maybe you could make the chapters longer by describing more things that are happening. I’m guessing you’re using a computer to write your stories on, I’d suggest using Google Docs or Microsoft Word(and then you can just copy paste the chapter into the Wattpad writing thing) because on the Wattpad website every time you press enter instead of starting a new line it starts a new paragraph(it doesn’t do this on the mobile versions), in my opinion it makes stories look unprofessional. There were also a couple of grammar errors but no matter what you do there will probably always be at least one or two. Overall it was pretty good though so yepp

 Yeah, I’ll read it now

Of course! What’s your channel name?