Ellie Waters

I just... there's not even anything else to say...

They fight. Scream. I'm scared. Doors slam. Car tires squeal. The night is silent again.

I love you. There, I said it. I was drunk and emotional when I confessed it, but that doesn't make it any less true. I fucking love you, Jacob.

I cry when I wake up. Not because I had a bad dream, but because I wish that was reality instead. I can touch you in my dreams. Hear your voice. In reality I'm merely in love with a phone number..

So when I got home from school I saw that Jacob had texted me saying he was at my school. He was just down the hall from me and I never even knew it. I'm bawling because fuck it I miss him so so much, ya know? That's my best friend, my whole world, my everything. I miss him.

"I'd never lie to you."
          "What if I was ugly and asked you if I thought I was pretty?" 
          "I'd tell you that beauty is hidden beneath the surface and that a lot of guys probably find you attractive."
          "Fine. Do you think I'm pretty?"
          "Yes. You're really cute."
          
          -Jacob 8/20/17

Happy birthday Jacob! These last few months you've been the only positive constant thing in my life and idk I think about you all the time and you're so great and it's weird because when I met you I wasn't really looking for new friends but then all of a sudden we were close and I really didn't want a boyfriend but I found myself slowly falling for you and yeah...idk. happy birthday and although I'm too afraid to say it to you I really do love you <3

Jacob don't you goddamn dare hurt yourself. This world is shitty, I get it. I go to school and get beat up and harassed and then I come home and get beat and screamed at and at the end of the day the only light I have in this dark dark world is you. Dammit I need you. Please just hang in there...<3 

Jane please. Please stop this. I've apologized. I've gone four months without my best friend. I've watched you replace me and thrive without me. I've endured my punishment. So please just stop it. Stop this. Let me wake up from this god damn nightmare already!

Jesse replaced me. Which shouldn't be a big deal-- I knew he would eventually. I'm even the one who told him to when we broke up. I'm happy for him I just... idek. It sucks to know that everyone has moved on with their lives and I'm stuck wishing we could turn back time.