𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

Today, I'll be lonely. 
          İ'll don't use insta or something. I'll be really lonely. İ'll read some books. It's Albert Camus's book. Or...i'll watch some anime. 
          I'll think what should I do to my future..
          What should I choose? 
          What should I do? 
          Sometimes...
          Should I die? It's too easy ...it's really easy, some pills and everything'll be okay. 
          
          Hehehehe
          
          
          I'm a fucking psycho.

I wanna write some poems or some novels. 
          'Cause i don't feel like a human. And when I don't feel like a human, I wanna write something. Just writing, just some paper and a pen, and i'll be okay. I'll be good. 
          It makes me feel better. 
          I have a exam. It's entrance exam for university. 
          I don't even know what should I choose. I wanna be a writer, live in another country, live alone. 
          Live alone...
          Even in my dreams, i'm lonely as always..

I have headache...again. 
          I have the flu, again.. I can't understand that why is my fucking body so weak? 

Huh, i'm tired. İ have headache and i wanna sleep. 
          But actually, i gotta study. 
          İ'll write here whatever i want. 
          'Cause...i don't why...i just wanna sleep and don't get up again. 
          Sorry, mom, I never be a good daughter..
          Sorry...
          

I'm tired of everything. I'm really tired. 
          I think I gotta die. Cause I don't wanna live like this. I hate my fucking life. 
          Sometimes, I think, "What should I do?" 
          And then, i think, "Maybe, just maybe I have to do nothing" 
          I think I talk to much.
          I wonder why I'm so depressive all the time. I'm so fucking depressive and that's why I can't do anything. I live like i'm dead. 
          Maybe I'm just...I'm no longer human. 
          I just wanna feel okay. I just wanna feel fucking good. But I feel like i'm not human after all. Fuck this shit. Fuck everything. 
          Do you see me, God? Do you hear me? I hate you 'cuz you give me this life! I don't want a life from you! 
          Sorry, mom. I don't deserve you. I'm a non-believer, i'm just a fucking dead body. Sorry. I'm so sorry everything I did. 
          I know, i'm a bad daughter, i'm a bad human. Maybe i'm a devil.