eroticlova

Last year was a shit show and the 3 years before that too for me. 
          
          No one cares how I feel about anything. It’s always someone’s feelings b4 mine. 
          
          I’m never aloud to say no/stop to anyone in the house bc of all the times I was told off for having these feelings. 
          
          I wonder sometimes.
          
          Why do I feel like I’m not good enough?
          
          Why do I feel like this?
          
          Why can’t anyone see through my fake smiles and lies?
           
          Why does nobody know the real me?
          
          It sucks knowing that these people I live with have taken advantage of everything I do for them. 
          
          I take care of them when they are down. Nobody has my back when I say I don’t feel like doing it/ I don’t feel good. 
          
          I get up and serve everyone and feel the least. 

I’m the one sitting back and watching everyone else be happy while I struggle.
          
          
          And tbh nobody in this house gaf. An emotionally attached mother and a drinker/ smoker absentee father who you barely see. 
          
          
          Crazy world isn’t it. 
          
          
          You want me to be confident when you tear me down. You want me to be happy when I see people living my dream.  
          
          
          You want me to be like so and so’s kid when I want to be me. You want me to skinner like when I was younger and I keep trying to convince myself that I look ok. 
          
          
          You want me to have hope when I get it gets crushed the minute I open my mouth. You want this all from me when all I asked for you was to show reassurance and affection.
          
          It’s hard for me to wake up in the morning and have to deal with people who won’t even make sure I’m alive they are just worried that they won’t get what they want.
          
          You want me to sacrifice myself for you and YOUR family will be happy. It’s never good enough for anyone. 

I understand that he has autism but this no excuse for this fucking behavior and later on he’s gonna think that it’s ok bc he does it at home.
          
          
          No punishments or nothing. 
          
          
          I’m the ‘spoiled brat’ when I take care of him and everybody else even though I don’t pay bills.
          
          
          It’s crazy. My younger siblings can raise hands to me and won’t even get in trouble but the minute I raise my hand to fight back it’s an issue. 
          
          
          I didn’t even say anything until after Christmas bc I didn’t want him to get in trouble so he would get all of his presents.
          
          
          Guess what I under the Christmas tree. 
          
          
          Nothing. Not even a hoodie like I asked for.
          
          
          Then my mom wonders why I want all of this stuff for Christmas.it’s a buildup of the things I asked for throughout the whole year you didn’t get.
          
          
          I get blown off in every conversation we have. And I’ve been the calmest mf and nicest when everyone treats me like the dirty under their shoes like I’m less than them. 
          
          

2/2 
          
          I’ll call the youngest brother Leigh. He is 7 turning 8 in February. He comes in and wants to talk ab his ‘anger’ and ‘responsibilities’ 
          
          And claimed that I should do my chores and never ask for anything from anyone. Then he talks somemore ab the Christmas Spirit and how we should get along and apologize.
          
          
          Kar beat tf out of me for at least an hour. I said I wasn’t gonna apologize to anyone and they started to cry. 
          
          It just pissed me off more knowing that you can beat a person up and 5 minutes later your crying on someone’s shoulder like it’s ok.
          
          This is all on video including everything he said like ‘your drunk’ ‘go to hell jae...’  ‘your a spoiled brat’ were just some of the insults thrown. 
          
          When I showed it to my mom she laughed. Laughed.
          
          Then she was like he needs an whooping. But didn’t do a thing and still hasn’t till this day.
          
          It’s not fair the minute my attitude changes it’s a problem. But when my brothers do shit like this it’s blown off with no consequences.

1/2
          
          I have a brother with autism right. We will call him Kar and he is about to turn 11 in February. 
          
          Every time our parents leave he wants to be loud. We have to be mindful bc we live in apartments now for the time being.
          
          Two days before Christmas he was fighting with me because I asked him to pick up his toys off of the floor and he decided to yell.
          
          I asked nicely the entire time while he became angrier and angrier each time I asked because I had been told to clean their room up by my ma.
          
          I didn’t want to do it because I knew how he was and that I didn’t like him. I grabbed my phone and recorded everything that he did. 
          
          That includes slapping, kicking, punching or scratching me. I asked him to calm down and when he did he continued to put his hands on me when I never put hands on him.
          
          My younger brother comes in and wants to be messy. He talks about how we don’t have the Christmas spirit. 
          
          
          

Merry Christmas y’all! I updated a lot on my other account!✨

I have a question about cramps.
          
          
          Now Ik that my cramps hurt a lot. 
          
          
          Is it just me or do you get those asshole cramps that hurt too? 

This is an opinion. I am not taking sides. Just so yall know. I am not a fan of Stephen James at all. But at the same time think about it.
          
           Now that y'all are not together you said he cheated and he said you cheated. I sorta believe him a little because this man's father has cancer and she knew this and decided to do it anyway.
          
          You posted a lot during your relationship that you were happy and all. It was completely inappropriate to show all hypothetical evidence and if it was that serious it should have gone somewhere else instead of an Instagram story if it were serious.
          
          I think it's a little fishy that she did this after they broke up. She already claimed to have been 'abused' you don't just go and say shit like that on social media too.
          
          Since you are 'exposing' him.  The day BEFORE his birthday and she knew that he was having a hard time. She didn't speak of this at all.
          
          She had taken pictures of her wristbands at the hospital and medications for anxiety. She claimed that she had been taking medications b4 being with him.  Why confuses me why she claims that he caused her to have anxiety in the first place. 
          
          She was posting how he was the love of her life, and how she wanted to have his babies and they were the best couple.
          
          And then claimed to be 'locked up' if he was controlling. She posted all the time and also, she was talking to family when they were together all of the time, traveling.
          
          
          If it was that serious you would have reached out to someone. She was going back in forth with her family when they weren't in his apartment or traveling.
          
          And what family lets their daughter go off and live with a man that she had only known for 8 weeks.
          
          
          She is saying all of this with no evidence. He hasn't said anything on the matter but if you want more info to see this mess just go to @truth.finder.est2019 for text messages.
          
          I am not taking sides, I just observed from both POVs. 
          
          I'm out. And tbh I think she did it out of anger that he left her.

I have a question. Do any of you have a crush on Li Shang from Mulan? 
          
          ✨Bc shiiii I still do. And I am proud.‼️✨

It’s crazy my mom can talk to anybody in any other place but her house and actually communicate.
          
          
          
          She can hold the phone for hours with any other family. But when I pick up and ask for something it’s ‘get off my line’ and then hangs up.
          
          
          I tell her I can’t hear her because her phone is breaking up she catches and attitude bc I have to repeat what she said to be sure.