gotta_be_larry_2029

Why does he put up with it?
          We joked around and I asked him 'why am I an asshole?' He said, 'because you keep saying that you are not an asshole, pretend that you are nice but it's very clear on your face when you talk that you are an asshole. Then you ask why you are an asshole hoping the person will deny it so that you feel like you are not an asshole when in reality you are and you are using it so that you feel better about yourself but you know you are an asshole'
          Then why does he put up with it?
          When I have breakdowns and call myself bad things and an asshole, deep down somewhere I used to know that I'm not as bad as I tell myself but it turns out I was wrong. All along. All this time. I was bad. I am bad. An asshole. A bad person, who doesn't deserve shit. Asshole, that's who I am.

I love him. I love him with everything I have in me. All these years, waiting, it was all worth it. It was all worth him. There's no one out there who gets me like he does, loves me and takes care of me like he does. I'm grateful for him. So much.

I feel empty. I wanna go home.

Does anybody else just sit on their bed with things they want or people who love them and think, 'I wanna go home' because you just don't feel like you belong there in that moment? You wanna go home but you don't know where your home is? Life is scary.

I hate her for leaving me and made me used to leaving people behind. It's scary. I hate it.

It's scary out here alone.

I feel like shit.

Hey sorry for the delay in the update of 'Abandoned Love'. I've got my exams going. I promise to update it as soon as I can. Thanks for being the best readers x

So it's back to how it was again. I hate it.

When will all this be over?