@hollylasiter
Just noticed you've given my story a chance. So I'm dropping by to let you know that I truly appreciate it and hope you'll find my work worth-it. Feedback and comments are more than welcome. Once again, thank you so much for making my day better <3
How is your book. You have not updated in so long.
Here is just a little part to get a glimpse at some of the characters in the book. This is not all of them and I just wanna see if this is a nice way of explaining them.
“-yea that's Braden for you, she does not care how much stronger you are then her, she will beat you up on sight. She has some dark colored hair to match her milk chocolate skin tone. "Furballs" real name is actually and he is white-white. But like I mean like total Swifty fan and loves Starbucks. He is super cool and has blonde hair to match his hmm like somewhat caramel skin. He is also probably the only gay person or lgbtq person in our clique.”
There it is please look at it and put as much criticism in it as you can :)
-Pen Pal
Amazing!!! I just saw this now. And I once again am not making my book. But how is your book?
P.S.
Is this part of a chapter, prologue, or the thingy that you look at to see if you want to read the book (I really need to learn the name of that.) another thing that I couldn’t fit is try not to use and so much there is four in this paragraph but then you have the next paragraph and everything and that’s honestly a lot so I wouldn’t personally use so many
I personally wouldn’t put personality traits with physical features. Example being “ she isn’t scared of anything and she will beat your ass anytime anywhere. She has fair skin with roses cheeks and long thick blonde hair.” I feel like you should name them and what they look like as they are interdicts into the story. Exhibit A I walk into school heading straight to my locker to grab my English and math books for my first two periods. All of a sudden my best friend Amaya walks up in all her glory. Her thick blond hair in volomous curls and her bright blue eyes pop with the make up she has on. Her 3 inch heels make her way taller than my 5’2 figure. Just add stuff in to make them start envisioning your character how you want them to. Very subtly just add in hints about them. Exhibit B “you know I really hate people.” “Well good morning to you too Amaya who pissed in your Cheerios already?” “Well bretta decided to be a bitch and throw coffee on my shirt so I had to go get a new one.” I can almost see the smoke coming out of her ears. “I was about to kick her ass when coach Delanie walked in and made ME clean it up.” I am almost glad he did because Amaya has a tendency not to stop. Don’t get me wrong she’s a bad ass bitch and will beat the hell out of anyone if needed, but that’s the thing she beats the hell out of them. She gets way to carried away and well we’ve almost had to bury a few people. I really don’t want to have to actually do that one day... See the readers now get a gist of what she looks like and she has a bad ass personality without you straight up just making a whole paragraph about them and you even set yourself up for foreshadowing meaning you can kill someone in your story and people will remember this. It’s really cool to do if you just do it right. That’s all I really have this is honestly better than your first chapter with the writing technique so your getting better!! Can’t wait to read the rest.
- pen pal
Okay so I am now making the book but you said to post it when it’s all finished but I still wanna let you see it so I am going to try and copy and paste some of it.
Hello
Kay so might stop making the book because I am just not feeling it and it’s not getting that may views anyway, but if you want me to finish it because you are eager to know how it ends I can tell you. But I just am not feeling it I don’t know why.
Your not being rude, you are being disrespectful, jk, your giving me ideas and advice. That is from odd writer(me), to writer(you) so thanks. But yes I will delete my chapters and if I start writing again I will take your advice. But thanks for the constructive criticism. Have a nice day
@Ch3ch1 Well if you don't want to continue that book I would unpublish the chapters and brainstorm your next one although word to the wise if you do decide to do that or just for the future of the same book dont skip over important events and then talk about them later like you did with the pizza shop in your book it was confusing and honestly I would have liked to read her experience about it and for the book you have now I would make it longer before you start adding in that shes upset she likes both boys dince shes only known mani for 2 days. I'm really not trying to be rude its a good book but I would suggest that for your following chapters
Honey, please hurry up with this story, I love it. Jk, take as long as you need with the story if it interrupts your school time. Love you girl, hope you are doing good in school and on your team
@Ch3ch1 Well i was actually hoping to update a lot this week since its spring break!!! I know I havent updated in like 3 weeks but thats because I really havent had the time. Softball season just started and we are getting ready for that act. I will try and update tinight though since i have already started a new chapter
I love reading your book. As I say it every time, but thank you soooo much for not giving up on it, have a nice night
@Ch3ch1 Thank you for the reminder and I really hope you write your own. There's a famous saying "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take- Wayne Gretzky."
I love your story and I am trying to speed up on mine. You really inspired me, but I don’t know how to make the story more wolfey. Fit any ideas?
@Ch3ch1 well make the main character lose control of her wolf and freak out then make the leader try and fight her but she wins and becomes alpha then another alpha from another pack comes along and they start war but fall for eachother and love eachother in the end plus you need to make it more graphic and informative but Iove it thats just what i would do if I was writing about werewolves
Ethan is a lil hot not gunna lie, what does Brayden and Isabella look like. And some more help, when people talk, like new conversation you do new paragraphs. Like
“Hi my name is Isabella, and you?”
“Oh I am Brayden, thx for asking.”
“No problem.”
That is all but all of your chapters are just amazing. Mind blowing. I live to read this right now.
@Ch3ch1 brayden is I think in the first or second chapter of the book and Ethan's in the third I cant pick on isabella and I will definitely do that with the speaking AND I GOT MY FIRST FOLLOWER!!!!