❀

i don't think much about us anymore, yet it stings to see things like photos that remind me of us. and even if i were to say i love you and ask for another chance that i do not deserve; i can't. you are happy with someone, the happiest i've ever seen you. you're in love. i think he's in love with you too. i mean, i hope. i hope he treats you well. but considering you've been together for almost 10 months. i'll guess he feels for you. but still, the idea of him.. makes me angry. 

i think i finally managed to get over you.

im a bad person.
          but I'm trying to make up for it, you see.
          ive never felt this way about anyone before and i love you so much to give up what we had.
          its stupid.
          but im insanely and madly in love with you.
          

i miss talking to you nonstop.
          i miss seeing you're beautiful smile.
          i miss you're funny rants about phan being real.
          i miss you're cute little habits.
          i miss being able to comfort you at you're worst at night.
          i miss how much you love dan.
          i miss how you always text me if you're good or not.
          i miss those ily 's at night.
          i miss being in the same country as you.
          i miss being able to be there for you.
          i miss how innocent you get when the mention of smut or a dirty flirt is said.
          i miss you and i having heart wars in dms.
          i miss you tagging me in photos.
          i miss you calling me a dork.
          i miss how you looked at me.
          i miss you.

          i hate where my life is right now.
          but i hate myself even more.
          its the weekend, i should be happy, i have a beautiful girlfriend i should be happy. but im just not im not sure if im depressed or if im insane here, i feel empty and its all because of my mistakes, i did the wrong things and im blaming other people for it. yea i know im a terrible person! ugh. my ex / bff hates me, and her girlfriend isn't to fond of me either, when will i stop screwing up.

so, there's a girl...that basically hates me. and I love her. we used to be like two crayons in a box or a little girl with a teddy bear, inseparable. I never wanted to loose her but then again life likes to fuck me over. she goes through so much a day and I had just abandoned her..I had to move to this stupid country and leave her...long distance didn't work with us as much as I hoped for. we were on and off a lot and I was a bitch to her a lot not helping her out, I drove her to hate me and to love someone better...not only are we not talking. not friends. but she doesn't want me in her life and I still love her...like crazy. I miss her. ❤❣❣❣❤️