I've already posted something similar as a previous message on my account but since then, things are so much worse. I'm not going into full detail because that ends in tears, waking people up at 2am and pain. But basically, I had a bubble, so to speak. That bubble held everything I thought would be stable and secure. My family, scouts, school, my home. The things that I really care about and that make me feel better. But the bubble has burst. My brothers going away and my mom kicked my dad out. The government have changed the system of everything at school and so the thing I worked towards and was prepared for isn't there any more. Scouts is becoming bigger, and as far as I know I'm the only person from when I joined who's staying. I might even be moving homes. For someone with anxiety, someone who struggles with even minors unexpected changes, this is probably the worst thing to be happening all at the same time. It feels like I'm having an asthma attack but without the inability to breathe. That's what the pain feels like. Everything is a struggle and I can't even look at my cat without bursting into tears. So until everything is okay, and I'm stable and hopefully my dad's move back in, I will not be able to write. I've had writers block for a while, and while I usually use pain as inspiration, this time round I just can't. It's a lot like in Supernatural when Cas betrays Dean. Dean tells Cas (who remembers nothing) that he can usually let stuff go, keep it in and just act like nothing's wrong, but that what Cas did is far too big for that to be possible. That's what I feel like. Usually I use pain as a means to make me stronger. As inspiration to push me through. But this is too big and I just can't deal with it. I'm not sure how long it'll be until I'm stable enough to write, but until then, all projects are on hiatus, I'm sorry if you were awaiting a chapter of one of my stories, but right now I just cannot find it in me to write. I apologize. ~ Jammie
