Sunshinebug

You guys why am I just now discovering that I use Wattpad as a coping mechanism . I'm starting my third fanfic of today right now and I haven't been this active on Wattpad since quarantine. So I have come to the conclusion that I just read fanfiction instead of dealing with my emotions. But like in all seriousness I'm coming off of a huge period of time that I really didn't read Wattpad like the last time I actively read Wattpad was like May of 2021 and now I've somehow managed to get to a place of reading two complete fics by 9 pm and starting a third one that I'll probably also finish before I go to bed.

I fucking quit I'm genuinely so fucking done with this bullshit. It's not fucking fair it's genuinely fucking not. Like my mental health was already complete and utter shit the last thing I needed was for my favorite person to leave me like I meant fucking nothing to them. They didn't even fucking say goodbye they just left without a fucking care in the world. The bitch who promised they'd never leave my side and that we'd be friends for fucking forever just fucking up and left like what the fuck. I just wanna fucking die this is complete and utter bullshit I don't want to have to fucking put up with this shit. It's only been five days but I'm already so fucking over the constant agony or thinking about shit I would text them and we would laugh about together if they were still here. Like I'm not going to do anything obviously but I wish i was fucking dead right now because that would be so much fucking better than the constant pain and heartache.

I need them their my rock. Like I'm genuinely shocked I'm still alive because how the hell am I living without the only person who made life worth doing so

I already believed in astrology but apparently the mercury retrograde that just ended meant that some breakups and friendship breakups were going to happen so now I'm cussing out the stars choosing to blame anything and everything besides the real source of the problem because despite how little mercy they showed in ripping my heart out and stomping on it I still love them more than anything and no matter how mad I may be right now I physically cannot be mad at them so now I'm mad at the goddamn solar system because that's easier then being mad at the person that I love the most in the world

Part of me still feels like this is a horrible nightmare I'm going to wake up from and well yes it is 100% a nightmare there is no waking up from this.

knowing damn well that I'd do just about anything to have them back yet all they had to do was stick around and they wouldn't even do that kills me.

I think the absolute worst part about losing my bsf is I feel like I'm back at square one. Like I feel like I'm back where I was in like February. I just feel so alone and I do have friends but I no longer have someone who I can just talk to 24/7 and I just feel so goddamn alone and I hate that. 

Okay but taking out your anger about someone who just randomly left like you meant nothing to them but knowing for a fact that you did to I bet you think about me is so>>>>>>>

I don't need coping mechanisms I have Gracie Abrams, Taylor Swift, Lana Del Rey, Scarlett Johansson, Florence Pugh, Rob Lowe, Matt Dillon, Markiplier, Emma Watson, and Riley Keough I'll be fine

Characters that I kin extremely mentally unwell edition
          Johnny Cade (the outsiders)
          Maya Hart (girl meets world)
          Belly Conklin (the summer I turned pretty)
          Sirius Black (Harry Potter marauders era)
          Adrien Agreste (miraculous)
          Amity Blight (the owl house)
          Regina Mills (once upon a time)
          Mal Bertha (descendants)
          Tao Xu (Heartstopper)
          Darcy Olson (heartstopper)
          Eleven "Jane" Hopper (stranger things)
          Blair Waldorf (gossip girl)
          Will Byers (stranger things)
          Katniss Everdeen (the hunger games)
          Barbie (Barbie 2023)
          Jo March (little women 2019)
          Monica Geller (friends)
          Nini Salazar-roberts (HSMTMTS)
          EJ Casswell (HSMTMTS)
          Gina Porter (HSMTMTS)
          Damon Salvatore (the vampire diaries)
          Brooke Davis (one tree hill)