party0nfire

After some serious reformatting I finally feel happy with how Nurse in Gotham is going! (give it a week, I'll prob change my mind again.) give it a second chance, you might like it :P

De_Almas37

Okay so I read the first chapter of 'A Nurse In Gothem' and I liked it. It was good. I know that to have some fair grounds I should read all of it but there is a lot you can tell just from the first chapter. (Please don't feel bad if I didn't read everything.) You did not lie when you said it's unedited. That sentences was not come across as rude. I have read former books with the author saying its unedited but the book has perfect grammar and structure. You have amazing grammar, keep that but the paragraph structure needs a little work. The scenes are nice but I do need more clarification with her surroundings. An example was her home. You can dedicate a paragraph simply to describing how the main characters place looks. But, one main thing is describing how she looks. That I believe above all else you need to describe first. Give little subtleties like saying "she tied her curly auburn hair up in a ponytail" or something like that. Doctors have their hair up very often. My moms a registered nurse.  I know this comment is pretty long. Sorry 'bout that. Other than that your fine.

party0nfire

Thanks for the insight. I know it's definitely on the rougher edge, when I do my edits I'll try to be more descriptive :)
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