psychocomplex

So I've been absent for some time. Honestly, I didn't think I'd be back. Almost 6 months ago, I told my boyfriend on our 2 year anniversary that I'd fly out to see him in a month. I had been saving for months, and I finally had the money. My life felt like it was on track, and for the first time, I was GENUINELY happy. I finally had an opportunity to look to the future and have HOPE. 6 days after I told him that, he died unexpectedly. To this day, we don't know how he died. I still remember the call I got from his mother. How it felt like my soul cracked. I didn't believe the person I saw cheat death so many times before had finally succumbed to it. I remember running out into an open field in the middle of a bad storm after that phone call, screaming at whoever was up there to give me back the only love I'd ever have. I remember staring at the sky, ready to fight. I dared the lightning to strike me, to take me with. But it didn't. I flew out to his funeral instead. I started drinking. And when I wasn't drinking, I was sleeping. Those were the only ways I could see him. My brain blurred out his face in my mind, so I stared at the few pictures I had of him and wrote every detail about him feverishly. I couldn't afford to lose those precious memories. My only happy memories. His voice and his laugh echoed in my head. It still does. I haven't found peace. I haven't "moved on". I've only been able to get used to forever without him around because I had to. I had to fill the void he left for everyone else, but there wasn't anyone to fill the void he left in me. My only comfort were stories. I spent countless hours reading, the stories with characters remotely similar to him I held onto like a lifeline. I guess that's why I started writing again. The story I started so long ago now felt personal, because I could understand the characters better. Why they crashed and burned the way they did. The way I did. I hope that my pain will make me a better writer.

psychocomplex

@NoMoreLoveForU You are soo sweet I'm crying
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NoMoreLoveForU

@psychocomplex
          	  Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal and raw. Grief has a way of reshaping us, making the world feel unrecognizable, and your words carry the weight of that journey with such sincerity. First, let me say I'm sorry for your loss. Losing someone you love is an indescribable pain, and it’s clear how much your boyfriend meant to you.
          	  
          	  Your story is a testament to the love and connection you shared. The vividness of your memories—the storm, the screams, the way you clung to his essence through writing and photos—paints a picture of the depth of your bond. It’s not something that will ever fade, and that’s okay. Love, even in loss, has a way of continuing to shape us, even when it feels impossibly heavy.
          	  
          	  Also, idk if I will phrase it well but  It’s not about "moving on" but moving forward, carrying him with you in a way that honors the love you shared.
          	  
          	  Keep writing, keep remembering, and take each day as it comes. Healing isn’t a straight path, but through your art, you’re honoring him and finding your own way to keep going. That’s courage, and that’s love
          	  Your pain isn’t just a weight you carry—it’s a lens, sharpening your understanding of life’s beauty and tragedy. You’ve already created something powerful before, and now, with the depth of everything you’ve felt, your stories will be even more extraordinary.
          	  
          	  You don’t need to hope your pain will make you a better writer—it already has. And the world is waiting for what only you can share.
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psychocomplex

So I've been absent for some time. Honestly, I didn't think I'd be back. Almost 6 months ago, I told my boyfriend on our 2 year anniversary that I'd fly out to see him in a month. I had been saving for months, and I finally had the money. My life felt like it was on track, and for the first time, I was GENUINELY happy. I finally had an opportunity to look to the future and have HOPE. 6 days after I told him that, he died unexpectedly. To this day, we don't know how he died. I still remember the call I got from his mother. How it felt like my soul cracked. I didn't believe the person I saw cheat death so many times before had finally succumbed to it. I remember running out into an open field in the middle of a bad storm after that phone call, screaming at whoever was up there to give me back the only love I'd ever have. I remember staring at the sky, ready to fight. I dared the lightning to strike me, to take me with. But it didn't. I flew out to his funeral instead. I started drinking. And when I wasn't drinking, I was sleeping. Those were the only ways I could see him. My brain blurred out his face in my mind, so I stared at the few pictures I had of him and wrote every detail about him feverishly. I couldn't afford to lose those precious memories. My only happy memories. His voice and his laugh echoed in my head. It still does. I haven't found peace. I haven't "moved on". I've only been able to get used to forever without him around because I had to. I had to fill the void he left for everyone else, but there wasn't anyone to fill the void he left in me. My only comfort were stories. I spent countless hours reading, the stories with characters remotely similar to him I held onto like a lifeline. I guess that's why I started writing again. The story I started so long ago now felt personal, because I could understand the characters better. Why they crashed and burned the way they did. The way I did. I hope that my pain will make me a better writer.

psychocomplex

@NoMoreLoveForU You are soo sweet I'm crying
• Rispondi

NoMoreLoveForU

@psychocomplex
            Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal and raw. Grief has a way of reshaping us, making the world feel unrecognizable, and your words carry the weight of that journey with such sincerity. First, let me say I'm sorry for your loss. Losing someone you love is an indescribable pain, and it’s clear how much your boyfriend meant to you.
            
            Your story is a testament to the love and connection you shared. The vividness of your memories—the storm, the screams, the way you clung to his essence through writing and photos—paints a picture of the depth of your bond. It’s not something that will ever fade, and that’s okay. Love, even in loss, has a way of continuing to shape us, even when it feels impossibly heavy.
            
            Also, idk if I will phrase it well but  It’s not about "moving on" but moving forward, carrying him with you in a way that honors the love you shared.
            
            Keep writing, keep remembering, and take each day as it comes. Healing isn’t a straight path, but through your art, you’re honoring him and finding your own way to keep going. That’s courage, and that’s love
            Your pain isn’t just a weight you carry—it’s a lens, sharpening your understanding of life’s beauty and tragedy. You’ve already created something powerful before, and now, with the depth of everything you’ve felt, your stories will be even more extraordinary.
            
            You don’t need to hope your pain will make you a better writer—it already has. And the world is waiting for what only you can share.
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psychocomplex

I hate that my readers are afraid of talking to me. I bite, yes, but I don't bite in that way (I really just need friends on this app to talk to pls)

Simpalici0us

@psychocomplex lol yes
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demonprotector

@psychocomplex I'm open to a chat or two
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-CUPIDSFOOL

If you want we could always chat together : D
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psychocomplex

Thank you all for 100 followers! I'm soo grateful to every single one of you for sticking around with me on this journey. You guys keep me going with every vote, comment, and follow. I cannot express how grateful I am that you all time the time to even read my works. I have been struggling a lot lately in my life, and when I saw I had made it to 100 followers, I legit started crying tears of joy. You all make me feel like what I do is worthwhile, and it makes my day so much better. I am forever grateful to you guys. I love yall ❤

psychocomplex

I found out today that someone has the same cover as mine. I might do a cover art challenge for yall to do cause I'm too lazy to make one atm.

O-RENJII

@itsjustjello I'll do it, when I'm not lazy
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psychocomplex

@O-RENJII please do
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O-RENJII

@itsjustjello idk why, I'd actually try to make one for you
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