wexlermcg1ll

anyway if anyone ever kept up w me and my incessant ramblings for 8+ years, i found out that the ‘brain zaps’ i was experiencing was most likely focal seizures. and my pcp at the time just dismissed me. because they’re back and i’ve also been having focal tcs (or conscious, unilateral grand mals ig) and they only got worse when i took too much of an edible and lowered my threshold bc i haven’t been mentally tortured and traumatized in a long time and wasn’t under constant stress. uff

wexlermcg1ll

anyway if anyone ever kept up w me and my incessant ramblings for 8+ years, i found out that the ‘brain zaps’ i was experiencing was most likely focal seizures. and my pcp at the time just dismissed me. because they’re back and i’ve also been having focal tcs (or conscious, unilateral grand mals ig) and they only got worse when i took too much of an edible and lowered my threshold bc i haven’t been mentally tortured and traumatized in a long time and wasn’t under constant stress. uff

wexlermcg1ll

i need to go in outpatient. bad.

wexlermcg1ll

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maybe i can be prescribed edibles because this shit Sucks
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wexlermcg1ll

with or without medication, they still happen. maybe not consecutively, but they still happen. i’m tired of it. i’m tired of being so stressed than i can’t swallow without feeling like im going to vomit.
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wexlermcg1ll

it’s not that i’m at risk of hurting myself or anything; i need a long break from everything and everyone around me. my brain zaps have came back without any warning and have gotten worse (i’m now experiencing dizziness, nausea, and vertigo lmao). i cant sit up without feeling like i’m going to faint, but i can still walk and perform normal tasks. walking is a bit hard though.
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wexlermcg1ll

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if anyone needs me i’m going to be using my meds as cognitive numbing weapons from now on. i took half of my reg dose because 1 my anxiety meds make me feel weird if i take a full dose 2 i can’t take a full pill of my antidepressant bc it’ll make me feel like shit. and after finding out something i definitely shouldn’t have, i didn’t feel any reaction towards it because i took my meds. lol

wexlermcg1ll

like my psychiatrist quit and i have to go and get a new one at some point. although i liked my newest one because she listened to me. anyway until i get a new one i’m going to be taking my meds because instead of being depressed and hermitic, im going to better myself and acknowledge that i did, in fact, love willingly and openly. and that’s ok.
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wexlermcg1ll

just found out one of my moots is. 14. yipe

wexlermcg1ll

anyway i love the opposites they all have my heart. like the ceiling mural that the pupa dedicated to his family?? TOO adorable
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wexlermcg1ll

also its cute how their last names r just. opposites lol. also i know nobody is gonna ever point it out but. the scene at the beginning of hululand when terry makes korvo look at his map, the guy just sits down next to his unmarried life partner and smiled while looking at said map. it made me smile ok
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wexlermcg1ll

anyway im back into solar opposites fics and im in heaven. wanna write them and have some sort of complex idea of how shlorp worked and how shlorpian anatomy works.
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wexlermcg1ll

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i just realized i’m going through autistic burnout and. yeah i’m excelling at my art and i still like reading and playing games, but i’m lacking any emotional attachment to most things i’d find enjoyable. maybe i’m just an asshole.

wexlermcg1ll

i got a new therapy shoppe catalog in the mail today. there was a sorting puzzle that came with those oversized tweezers for those with poor motor skills. yeah i want it
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wexlermcg1ll

i haven’t stimmed in so long. almost like i’ve forgotten how. i still listen to the same songs on repeat and i still rock on my heels, but aside from my comfort food and that, i don’t stim. i don’t touch my stim tools anymore because i just don’t feel it. maybe it’s because i want new ones? is that why?
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wexlermcg1ll

i think i might’ve fractured a few of my metatarsals LMAO
          that or they’re just. really upset because of the intrusion.

wexlermcg1ll

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also just because it’s supposed to hurt doesn’t mean it is. my foot is fucking swelled and has a deep cut on the top of it. but i’m not crying. not blubbering. i’m perfectly calm and even “kewl”.
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wexlermcg1ll

anyway im not high anymore. i still feel giggly and just excited in general. very chatty tonight. but i don’t feel that cloudiness anymore. just tired and achey
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wexlermcg1ll

if i get a cast i 100% want a white cast and go buy some sharpies. or paint it different colors. lol
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