Hi idk anyone cares but I’m going to be going on a two week break. I’ve neglected my online school work for 47+ days now due to my depression and anxiety. I’ve stayed in bed all day and literally haven’t done anything expect go on my phone and eat a tiny snack only if I’m starving. I haven’t been outside in probably at least 50 days and for the first time in my life I have acne. I’ve only been officially diagnosed by my therapist for about a year now but I’ve been feeling like this for 9 years now. 9 years. It hurts even thinking about it but I’ve decided enough is enough. Yes I am still going to hate myself and feel hallow, but I’m at least going to try again to make things better. I went from a straight A student in high school and my predicted grades were As in all my college subjects. They then moved down to Cs and Ds and I was almost at the point where I was kicked out the college because of my horrible attendance. This isn’t me. It can’t be me. I want to be a barrister and barristers are not D graders. I hate everything about myself and coming from an immigrant family my only self worth and validation is being smart. Having nobody to help you as a child because your mum never even got the chance to make it into high school. Being forced to learn everything by yourself growing up makes it hard to ask for help to this day because I couldn’t ask my mum, my dad was gone, my sister was living elsewhere and I was too shy to ask the teachers. But even after all of that, I ended up being smart. I’ve overcome so much: panic attacks, two suicide attempts, running away from home, losing all my friends etc so I can overcome this too. The point of this pointless rant is that I just need to take time off to get at a decent mental stability so I can start getting back on track.
