Black Swan Wonderland

Noriko

VIII: Aftermath

Halo Twenty-One: Noriko:

-Noriko-

This is not my life.

It feels like I am living in a dream. All of my memories keep getting mixed up in my head. I can't tell my friends. They would think I was crazy. They seem to be understanding with Mikado, Chiharu, and Anri. But still...

I looked down at my wrists over the bathroom sink. I remember how many times I have cut them before. I cringe as I can almost feel the sting of the blade going across my skin. The sensation sent me over the edge. Only for that short moment of time, I could feel relief. I've cut many times on my arms, legs, stomach, chest, and even my neck.

My fingers crept over to the drawer under the sink. But then I freeze. No, I shouldn't be doing that. They'll start asking questions. I could just hide the cuts. But it's summer. They are going to notice that I am wearing long sleeves.

I end up drawing back my hand.

I scare myself when my mind wonders back to that place. This wasn't the first time tonight. I can't say when they thoughts started. Izaya didn't help that day either. I don't think I remember the place I was born. I don't remember anything about this life. I don't think I ever had any parents. But I know I had them. I know they exist, but I can't see their faces. I feel their warmth around me. I remember going to the beach with them. I remember having a happy meal at the table with them. I even remember the roses that I gave mama for her birthday.

Those aren't real memories!

I turned around in the darkness. There was no one there but I knew who that voice belonged to. But that can't be right. I remember them. They did exist. I know they did. I... I...

I turned and happened to look at myself in the bathroom mirror. My whole body became tense. When did my face look so sullen? There was no life in my eyes. My hair looked to brittle. I reached up and touched my right cheek. No... This isn't right! This isn't right! Oh god. It's all coming back now. I could see the cuts on my arms. So much all over the bathroom. I hadn't eaten in days. I have scars all over my back. More scars cover my body. Oh god. I think I'm going to be sick.

I ran over to the toilet and threw up. I coughed and sat back rocking. What was that just now? I didn't like it. No. No. No. I need to cover the mirrors. Yeah, that's it. Just cover them all up. I pushed myself to my feet and went into the hall closet.

I can't stand to look in a mirror.

When I woke up, the pleasant smell of flowers teased my nose. A small smile spread across my face. I don't have any flowers in my apartment. I sat up and looked around. Somehow, I ended up back in my apartment. I guess I fell asleep. What time is it?

I pulled out my phone. 9:28? I've been asleep for that long? I don't even remember what happened. Where did all of the time go? It was morning last time I checked. I looked down at my phone again. It was then I noticed that I had thirteen missed calls. Some were my friends. A couple of spam calls. My therapist. I rolled my eyes. Really? Can't they take a hint? But then I noticed one number that I didn't recognize. Who called to call me when I was out cold? I started to go through each message. My friends were just calling and asking how I was doing. I couldn't bring myself to call them back. What could I say to them?

"Hey guys, I passed out hours ago and then just got up. By the way, I am having flashbacks about cutting myself and other strange memories. Plus, mirrors give me the creeps now."

Yeah... no.

I got some people trying to scam me for a prize for a contest I never entered. No thank you. My therapist tried to get me to come back. I all but scotched at their calls. Why can't they just take a hint? I don't want to go back. They can't help me. It was all Yuki's stupid idea in the first place. Since she disappeared, I just stopped going.