Struggle for Release

2 AM Talks

Little rant about the song. This is Walking In the Wind. It is from MITAM. As you read the chapter you will get to know why I put this song up here. I will say it repeatedly, this song is a goodbye song and was directed towards Zayn. Enjoy!

Harry's POV:

It was 1:45 in the morning and me and the lads were sitting in Liam's room talking. Talking and reminiscing  about the good times. All the pranks we played on each other, the times we troubled Paul and the times when the management were furious at us. We were all talking and laughing. Things were slightly improving slightly and all five of us,including Zayn, were coping with the fact that he wouldn't be back and that we were supposed to get used to it. Suddenly my phone started ringing. When I checked the caller id I saw that it was Zayn. Panic immediately filled my heart. Why is he calling me at 2 in the morning? Is everything alright? Was he having an attack? I pushed all those thoughts out of my head as I answered the call. As soon as he said my name,my heart broke. He was crying and his voice  sounded as low as that of a lost kid. He then sniffled and sobbed some more. He didn't say anything for sometime and simply sobbed. Hearing him cry made my eyes  prickle. Tears started to form in my eyes. Liam eyed me concerningly. I mouthed Zayn's name and put the phone to speaker. The room was filled with silence. The only sound which came was that of Zayn's sobs. After some time he finally composed himself and we motioned for him to continue. His voice was still  hoarse when he spoke.

"Sorry about that breakdown,but I can't. I just can't. I miss you guys so damn much. It's as though a part of me was lost the day I walked away from that hotel room. But I don't regret my decision. No that is not why I called. I called you because I have something to get off my chest. I just wanted to apologize. I have seen some videos of your concert and some interviews. You guys look like shit. And knowing that I am the reason, it makes me sad. I am so freaking sorry. Words can't express how guilty I feel. Knowing that this state of all you lads is because of me, it freaking gutted me. I am so sorry. So sorry..."

Saying so he again broke down and started sobbing. We all had tears in our eyes. I somehow found my voice and told, "Zayn you don't have anything to apologize for. Mate it's not your fault. You left for your own health. You took a stand and we are proud of you for that. Yes, we are all gutted but hey who wouldn't be? Also its not your fault entirely. I mean even we let you go didn't we. So it is even our fault. But I know you well and I know that you have something else to say. So spill it mate."

Zayn took a minute but responded, "You know me way too well Harry. Yes I have something else as well to tell. I want to tell you the real reason why I felt. No wait, the complete reason. During those last few days, the people thought that I was happy on stage. You guys thought that I was happy to a certain extent. But it was not so. Those last few day...it felt numb. Yes, I was appearing happy but it was only for the sake of the fans and for you lads. From outside everything was rainbows and sunshine when I went on the stage but only I know how I felt on the inside. I felt...nothing to say the least. It was like a profound numbness. It was as though I was performing to an empty stadium and not to one filled with millions of people who were screaming their heads off. I don't know what had happened. I don't know if it was because of my anxiety or something but that freaked me out. Its like numbness was consuming me whole. Before I would atleast feel something,even if it was worry. But during those last few days it was nothing.  Absolutely nothing. And that terrified me. I knew that I had to leave before stuff got even more serious."

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. "Why didn't you tell us about this Zayn? We could have helped."

He spoke again, "That's the thing. You lads were spending a lot of your time on me. You didn't concentrate on your lives and I could tell that it was all taking a toll on you guys. I didn't want to cause any more stress to you all. But seriously thank you guys. You all have stood by me through everything. I am so grateful to you guys. Thank you. And I guess this is the goodbye. God! Goodbyes are so bittersweet. I needed to give you guys the closure. Just remember that you all will always have a piece of my heart."

By now I was bawling. I couldn't stop the tears, which were flowing from my eyes without any mercy. We talked for some time and said our goodbyes. Guess this really was the closure we needed. The final push to accept the fact that he indeed left. The bit of the wind needed to evaporate the last of the anger and bitterness. Yes we all needed this. Yes, we had some good times. Yes, we wore our hearts on our sleeves. Yes it's the goodbyes for now. I don't know what the future has in store for us. I don't  know what will happen after this album and tour gets over. But I do know one thing. I will surely see Zayn's face again.

And this is how Walking in The Wind was born.

(A/N) :Hey guys. So this is the 32nd Chapter. So it is said that Walking in The Wind was indeed written as a goodbye for Zayn. And that it was inspired from the 2 am phone call between Zayn and Harry. So yeah. That's about it. Also in an interview Zayn did talk about how there was a numbness which settled on him during the last days whilst in the band. When I first read that interview I literally had shivers down my spine and tears down my cheeks.

Vote and comment!!

Happy reading!!! :)