Struggle for Release

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Just a little rant about the video. I know that this is not the best Last First Kiss performance but still it was pretty amazing. I think that they were all just tired. But still, the way they all sang the chorus was amazing. The runs that Zayn did in the end were fantabulous. He just adds his own touch to every single song and that is what makes the live version better than the studio version. The falsetto in the end was...ugh. He truly has a killer falsetto. Hope you enjoy!!

Zayn's POV:

I was the last person to hug Harry. Before pulling back he whispered in my ear to take care and I knew he meant it more than in just the general way. He was the only one who knew what was happening to me, the only one who knew what I felt and the only one who knew how to cheer me up whenever I felt down. I am truly grateful to Harry. He has been my rock and has supported me whenever I needed his support. If it wasn't for him, I really don't know what I would have done. He was always there for me whenever I needed someone to talk to. He was always ready to talk or just listen to me rant about how I felt,no matter what the time was or what we were doing. He was indeed a huge support for me and I was truly grateful to him.

After a eight hour long flight and a one hour car ride, I finally arrived to the one place where I could just be myself and be away from all the expectations...Home. As I rang the doorbell I heard squealing from inside and someone running to open the door. I knew who it was even before it opened. It was Safaa, my youngest sister. The door soon burst open and there she stood. As she saw me, her eyes shone with happiness. She squealed again and threw herself against me. Now, I know that it was because she was excited to see me, but I stumbled back. I just didn't have the strenght to hold her. She quickly pulled back and caught me before I fell down. She looked at me questionably but I just gave her the biggest smile I could muster and hugged her as tight as I could. After that, my other two sisters came out and hugged me. They had tears in their eyes but Safaa was full on bawling and telling me how much she missed me. Then I heard my mother's voice telling the girls to let me breath first. They all moved out of the way and that was when I saw her...my mother. She was still the same. Her hair had just grown longer but her face,it was still the same: beautiful and calm. As soon as she set her eyes on me, her eyes widened in shock and her lips parted. I don't know what happened, but she suddenly started crying. Not the silent crying with a smile on her face,but the bawling type with a saddened expression on her face. I was confused. Is she sad that I came home? She didn't want me to come home? But then something happened and she came running towards me and embraced me in a hug. She was still crying when hugging me. So I did what I could to comfort her and after some time she calmed down but she was still crying a bit. But then she touched my cheek and whispered, "Oh my baby! What happened to you?" At first I didn't understand what she meant,but when I did, I tensed up. My sisters didn't understand anything and were looking at us with a confused expression. I don't know what happened but something inside me snapped. I had to get away from them. Even my parents judged me. Even they have expectations from me. Even they want me to do things better than I am doing right now. These were my only thoughts as I took my bags and rushed inside my room. I was angry and confused. Even they expected me to work miracles. Why? Was it not enough? Were my accomplishments not enough that they expected more?

Later that day, I overheard my parents talk to each other. When I listened to them, I got to know that they were talking about me. They were both upset and that broke my heart.

"Yaser, I know that we are supposed to give him space and everything but I can't. He looks really thin. When I first saw him, I couldn't stop myself from crying. He looks so fragile and I can't bear to see him like this. He is my baby,my child. I can't see him like this. I don't understand why he is doing this to himself."

"I know. When I first saw him, I was shocked as well. As for your question, I really don't know why he is doing this to himself. I really don't..." My father's voice shook in the end. He was crying. Both my parents were crying because of me. I am nothing but a disappointment to them. No, I will not make them cry. I shouldn't. I won't tell them anything that is happening. I can't tell and hurt them.

The next two weeks went by very quickly. Many of our neighbours came to our home to meet me. I was really happy seeing then,but every time someone would come to see me,they would be shocked. Their eyes would go wide and they would gasp or put their hand to their chest as if they couldn't believe it was me. I don't understand what happened to them. My mother would try to coax me into telling her what was happening to me but I wouldn't give in, more like I couldn't. They have shed enough tears because of me. They have spent enough sleepless nights because of me. I won't cause them more disappointment intentionally. Whenever she would push me too much to tell her, I would just grab my coat and get out of the house. I would return home late and when she would ask me to have dinner, I would lie that I had already eaten. It was not that I didn't like my mother's cooking, it's just that I wouldn't be hungry. This would go on for three to four days and then I would eventually feel hungry and eat. My mother prepares some delicious food especially Samosas. They were my favourite. This cycle continued on and before I knew it, two weeks were over and I had to return to the boys for the promotion of our album.

As I stood in the airport hugging my family, my dad guided me away from them and told me, "The next time you return home,make sure you return with realization. Realization that you are not alright and need help, realization that we are your parents and care for you. Son, I know what is going on in your head. By sharing your problems with us, you will not be disappointing us. Just let us in. But more than anything else, I hope that the next time you return home, you return being happy and healthy. God bless you." Saying so he just patted my shoulder and went away. I stood there for a second,confused and then went towards the checking counter. The whole flight journey I had only one question on my head:

I was so careful in hiding my pain. How did he get to know what I was thinking?

(A/N) : Hey guys. So this is the 15th chapter. I really wish Zayn would have opened up to his family. I feel really bad for his parents. Even his sister had commented,somewhere in this time only, that her brother(that is Zayn) was having a hard time and requested everyone to pray for him. Even in real life, I can only imagine the worry his parents must have had for him and also I can only imagine what his thoughts might have been.

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Happy reading!!! :)