Countryside H.S. [R]

•thirty seven•

I open it and begin to read :

Dear Alexa,

Four months, that's all it took for me to fall in love with you. I didn't just fall in love with your perfections, but also your many flaws. You are so special to me, and every moment I spend with you, I fall a little harder.

I hope you aren't angry that I left without telling you, but I knew that the minute you begged me not to go, I wouldn't. That's the effect you have on me, everything you do or say, has me hooked. You're like a drug to me, I am so addicted.

You may not know every little detail about me and believe me, I have kept a lot buried. The truth is, you are the only person I have fully opened up to, you know me more than any other person, more than Amber, Marcel and even my mother and they've known me obviously a lot longer than you have.

I cannot believe you are pregnant, I am so sorry, I have ruined your life. I love you so much, but I cannot be the father you are hoping for. I will give you money, if you so wish and I will buy anything you need, but I am not ready to be a father, I apologise. You however, are going to be the most amazing mother ever, if you do keep it.

I personally don't want you to keep it, because Alexa, one day, you're going to go travelling. Hopefully, meet a man, who will treat you a thousand times better than Zayn or I did. A man who will be begging you for children, that's the man you deserve. Not a loser who can't even protect you from anyone or anything.

You mean the world to me, I don't think you understand just how much you mean to me. For a while, I pushed you away, because I thought it was wrong, feeling this way about you, but feelings are felt for a reason.

I really hope that you aren't crying, because I hate it when you cry. Seeing you suffer, crushes me. You are so amazing. You don't deserve this, you don't deserve me. You deserve so so much more. I cheated, I lied and I am so horrible to you. Why did you put up with me? Did you honestly love me? I don't know.

Keep this letter to yourself and forget me. Burn it, rip it, throw it in the bin. I don't care. Just don't doubt my love for you.

Yes, I have left you when you could be very well having an abortion, or staring at your belly, waiting for it to grow, where a baby might possibly be. Can you blame me though?

We may not ever meet again, which is possible, but if we do, I look forward to it, maybe it's four years from now, or twenty, but believe me, I'll still love you.

You're my everything.

I love you, Alexa.

Yours sincerely,
-H x

Why did this anger me? Why did it hurt me? Why did it make me feel every emotion. What pissed me off is, he thinks that it's a good thing he left me alone with his baby, but at least he offered to pay.

Besides the point, I cried. How am I supposed to feel. I love him so much, and I couldn't even tell him how much.

I read it again and again, until I can't see it because of my tears. I put the letter in the envelope and put it on my shelf, wedged between two books.

I grab my phone. I dial his number. Ring. Ring. Ring. Voicemail.

This can't be over now, not after that, I can't believe this is it.

What now? Do I just live my life as if he never even happened?

I suppose I need to.

Harry's POV.

I hope she gets the letter okay. I hope she doesn't mind. I hope she doesn't cry too much. I hope she doesn't hate me.

I love her, but I can't. She needs to go live her life as I do, too.

On my way to Scotland, I was ready for turning back, and staying with her, beg her to have the baby and live with her in my life.

That's not how the world works, we end now. We end, before her life is ruined by my selfishness. By me.

I've been in this new school one day and hate it. It's not like Evensdale. I don't know anyone and I don't like anyone. All the kids are a lot snobbier and anti-social, show-offs.

They all flaunt about with their skirts hanging to their ankles, no makeup hair tied in tight buns and just fucking innocent. Nothing like my Alexa. If she was here, she'd be laughing and taking the piss out of them, while I'd be shouting at her, even though on the inside I would be killing myself with laughter.

That's what I'll miss most. Her laughter. She was always laughing, if not shouting. She put everyone first, without realising it and she was secretly a brain box.

She was perfect. I left her because she's too damn good for me.

I love her so much.

_________

Eeeeeeend of the book... There will be a sequel.