The light in the darkness (Octavia Blake)

Chapter 22

For a long time after Finn’s death, Ashley didn’t know what to do with herself. Who to talk to. Everyone was shocked after what they witnessed. Clarke, Abby and Kane went to talk to the Commander, with Raven following just to say goodbye to Finn. The blonde wanted to do something, anything to ease the pain her friend was going through, but she knew that no words could do that. 

Soon, they all were trailing behind a cart with Finn’s body on it. The way to Tondc was filled with a heavy silence. They could finally have their peace with the Grounders, but at what cost? Maybe they could help them get their friends out of Mount Weather, but what if they won’t? Will Finn’s death go to waste?

And the fact that Ashley had an awful headache for quite a while definitely wasn't helping. 

Her internal debate was interrupted by someone approaching. Her grip on her gun automatically tightened, but she relaxed when she saw it was just Octavia. 

"Hey" she greeted her quietly. Ashley was surprised that she came up to her first and discreetly glanced over her shoulder to check if Lincoln was there. If Octavia noticed that, she didn't mention it, just continued walking beside her in silence. 

"Hey" Ashley replied, trying to sound casual. 

"How's your head?" Octavia asked. The blonde was confused at first, forgetting about her injury, but her headache was quick to remind her. Her hand automatically went up to touch the bandage on her head, but she decided to brush it off. They had more important things to worry about. 

"It's fine" Ashley lied, gritting her teeth to prevent the grimace of pain from forming on her face. 

Octavia didn't buy it, of course. 

"It's better if I tell Clarke" she said and rushed forward, but Ashley grabbed her wrist, stopping her. 

"No. We all have much more important things to worry about now. I'll be fine, it's probably just a concussion" she dismissed her worries. "I mean, I wouldn't be surprised, I banged my head pretty hard" she added and immediately cursed herself for saying that, cause it sounded kinda like she was complaining. 

Octavia seemed to notice that, because she glanced at Ashley sideways.

“You know he didn’t mean it, right? He wasn’t himself” she said.

“I know, I know. I didn’t mean it like that” Ashley was quick to apologise. “I guess all of that is just...getting to my head.”

The brunette looked down and nodded. "Are you…okay?" she asked after a moment of silence. 

Ashley glanced at her confused, but after seeing her expression, she figured out what she meant. She felt like that was Octavia’s way of checking on her after everything that happened. Even though their friendship was weird lately, so awkward and distant, that Ashley was wondering if they could call themselves friends anymore. The worst thing about it was the fact that nothing really happened between them to cause that. 

Exactly. Nothing happened. They didn't get into a fight, didn't get mad at each other...nothing. They just stopped talking and now it seemed like they both wanted to start, but none of them knew how. At least Ashley hoped that Octavia still wanted to talk to her and it wasn't just some act of courtesy. 

"Yeah" Ashley replied. "You?" she asked, keeping her gaze fixed on the road in front of them. 

"I'm fine. Better" Octavia said, but it didn't sound convincing. None of them was okay. All of them had some priorities now, something…or someone they had to be strong for. 

Ashley wondered if they will ever get a moment of peace, a moment to just live their lives. Not constantly fight and run away. She hoped they will, as soon as they free their friends, because times spent with her friends in the camp, when they could breathe for a second and just mess around, were the only times when Ashley felt some kind of peace.