Look Beyond What You See

Closer

"Well, it seems we've come across some free time," Dmitri observes as we leave luncheon. "Perhaps you'd like to go for a ride? We haven't visited Excalibur in quite some time. I fear he's getting lonely, and I'm convinced that he's under-exercised."

"I think that's a wonderful idea," I agree immediately. There's nothing I'd like better than to get out of that stuffy mansion. And besides, some time together, away from Giacomo and the problems he causes, could only do us good. My conversation with Malina yesterday convinced me of that much, if of little else.

That decision made, Dmitri leads us through the fastest route to the stables, and in next to no time at all we're aboard Excalibur and on our way. Fresh air embraces us and fills my lungs, bringing joy and relief in equal measure. This is the freedom I've been longing for. Excalibur and Dmitri seem just as thrilled as I am to be leaving the mansion behind us in the dust. If only for a while, we can be together, with no added pressures, no strings attached.

Is that really what you want?

Go away, strange voice inside my head. If he and I are to be married--

Is that really what you want?

Does it really matter? Better him than any other of my acquaintance, anyway.

But will he make you happy?

When I learn how to see the future, if indeed that is something I can do with my magic, I will be able to answer that question. Until then, begone, and stop asking useless questions.

"Are you all right, Aerys?" Dmitri asks, close to my ear. I shrug in reply. Cantering the way we are, I dare not turn around so he could hear me, and I would not shout my thoughts to the wind in the hopes that his ears would also catch them. "You seem more pensive than usual."

"Just thoughts. Nothing to worry about," I answer, hoping that he'll either hear me or give up and wait until we reach our destination and the ground, wherever that might be.

I'm far from surprised when "wherever that might be" turns out to be the garden with the stream where Dmitri painted me. Somehow I knew we would come here, that he would want to bring us close together again as much as I do, or think I do. Dmitri dismounts before I have a chance and helps me down from Excalibur's back in quite a gentlemanly fashion. Somehow things are awkward between us, as though we're meeting for the first time, in spite of the undercurrent of familiarity that flows between us and the sparks that fly, although comparatively much subdued, every time we come into physical contact with each other. For a while we just stare at each other, unsure of how to handle this situation. When was the last time we were alone together and not angry?

"How did dress fittings go yesterday?" Dmitri asks finally, as a means of starting a conversation. I wish he'd picked something else to talk about.

"I have several pinholes in my hips and legs," I answer honestly with a slight laugh. Dmitri arches an eyebrow, somewhere between amused and displeased. "The maids doing the pinning of fabric that is apparently necessary for preliminary dress fittings were absolute imbeciles. Malina promised I would have better ones next time. I really enjoy Malina's company. We had a wonderful conversation yesterday afternoon."

"Good. I'm glad you like someone on your staff, at least, and that she's attending to the fitting maid situation so that I don't have to."

"Why would you have to?"

"No one I care about will be subjected to needless needle pricks on my watch."

We share a laugh over that, though I am struck by the reminder that he cares about me. Somehow that doesn't make sense, though I don't know why that should be.