Look Beyond What You See

Jealousy

 A gentle breeze stirs the leaves of the plants that adorn the roof of the Berkeley mansion as I lie beneath the stars. A crescent moon gleams midway between horizon and apex. The light is perfect, soft, magical. I am at peace here, for now. The only way it could be more perfect is if music could be playing. I played for hours this afternoon, after a much-needed nap that immediately followed training and the most awkward, unpleasant luncheon in the history of my existence. Not even Kyla's birthday dinner compares to it in awfulness. Dmitri's demeanor did not improve, despite his nap, and Giacomo was almost equally sullen, though presumably for different reasons. Supper was no better, and I have quite lost patience with both of them. The roof is the only part of the mansion where I can have any respite, and even this I fear will be broken by--

"Aerys?" Dmitri's voice calls softly from his ladder to the roof. I stifle a groan. I do not feel even remotely prepared to deal with him graciously at present. He sighs heavily when I don't answer, but instead of going back downstairs, he begins to wander around, no doubt enjoying the peace that pervades this place as much as I was, before he showed up.

This is so strange. Only this morning I would have been thrilled to have time to spend with him, just the two of us in a place like this where we would not be bothered. But seeing his reaction to this new training instructor reawakened fears, which had only just slipped into dormancy, that I will not be happy with him for the rest of my life, that the strange attraction between us will never turn into love.

If this arrangement is going to work, he must learn to curb his jealousy.

Thud. THUMP!

Two perfectly harmonized yelps, one masculine and one mine. Heat. Pain, then pressure. Fiery eyes just above me, dimming the stars by virtue of their brilliance. Something stirs in me, pressing towards the young man who's inadvertently fallen on top of me.

"Oh!" I exclaim, unable to come up with anything more profound. Why didn't he see me here before this?

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think you were up here. Didn't you hear me? I was looking for you," Dmitri blunders. I've never heard him say so much so quickly. Instead of getting off me, as a gentleman ought, he simply fidgets a bit, enclosing me in his arms as if I were not well enough trapped by his weight holding me down.

"I heard," I tell him distractedly. I cannot sort out my thoughts. His proximity twists and warps my thoughts and feelings into things entirely different from those which occupied me only moments ago.

"Then why didn't you answer?" So much in his eyes. He hopes I've forgotten.... My breath is stolen away. He wants me. His eyes drop to my lips. He doesn't want me to reply. Lips cover mine. The stirring inside me flares up momentarily but then shrivels and freezes into something hard and immobile deep within me.

"Not now," I declare, pushing him off me with the aid of small jets of water.

"Colder than usual," he remarks, as much about me as about the water, while he arranges himself beside me with an injured air. "You're angry with me."

"Angry is too strong a word. But I would like to discuss something with you."

"If it's that dratted combat instructor, please leave it off until tomorrow. He and I spent the whole of the afternoon speaking with Father about training and the possibility of war and the like, and I cannot stand--"

"My concern regards your conduct towards him. Perhaps it is irrelevant, if you are now on friendly terms with him."

"Nothing of the kind. He is a flattering sycophant, and the way he looked at you when he was first introduced to us was entirely inappropriate. He is not genuine or open or trustworthy, and I do not want him in any form of association with you."