Chapter 4
I didn't sleep that night, or the next, or the rest of that week. Nobody said anything to me about it, or mentioned the melt down I had on Monday. I'm sure they noticed, I know Sky did. She was always so worried about everyone, and genuinely cared no matter what it was. It's what I love most about her. She was the only one, besides Luke, who watched me closely that week. They were the only two who seemed concerned. Now its Sunday, and I don't know how much longer I cannot not sleep. I am so desperately hoping I can survive until tomorrow, then I will ask Luke if him being here changes anything, if him being here means he can't save me there.
It is nearly one o'clock now, and I need to hurry if I am going to make it back to school in time. That is one of the nice things about living so close to the school, I can come home for lunch. I haven't gotten a chance to ask Luke this morning about the dreams, lunch might have been a good time, but there would be to may people around. So maybe, I can ask him when we leave last period or in the hall way. I needed to sleep, it was getting almost unbearable now, I won't be able to make it much longer. Then a whole new set of issues comes up, and I really can't afford to get in trouble right now. I need to have perfect discipline if I'm going to make the track team this year. I was walking across the cross walk in front of the school when I felt it like I was being watched again.
I hadn't felt it since last Monday at lunch, and I kinda thought it was over. I turned around and looked all over, and could find nobody staring at me. Just the usual glances that come with being the girl who dated a junior and was the reason he left for good. I gave myself a little shake and headed inside the building, I was half way to my locker when I noticed Luke leaning against it, looking hotter than ever. We hadn't spoken directly to each other since Monday, but he was always right there next to me, considering we have every class together. I took a deep breath and walked the rest of the way to my locker, once he saw me he backed up so I could open my locker.
"Hello." Luke said, as I put up all my stuff.
"Hey." I said.
He stared at me for a moment before saying, "You look like hell Jocelyn."
I laughed, "Ya think? You try going a full week without a single second of sleep, and we will see how well you look."
I closed my locker and turned to face him as he said, "You shouldn't not sleep. It's not good for you."
I couldn't do it, I had to tell him. There was no other way he would understand. I leaned closer to him and dropped my voice to be sure nobody heard me and said, "You try going through what I do for a night. Then imagine that one night, every single night for the rest of your life. Then, you discover that the one person who you would endure all of that for, has decided to follow you into the real world. And, that person is the only one who saves you each night." I paused for a second, hoping the tears that were coming would pass. They did not. "Then, you get scared to fall asleep, because what if you need him, and he's not there to save you. What if he's the key to your survival every night? Then what?" I finished, and walked away towards my sixth period class before he could say anything back.
Once, in sixth period I took a seat in the very back and began drawing on my notebook. God, I'm an idiot. I just told him I would endure all of that for him, and practically declared my love right then and there. I put my face in my hands, trying to calm down before class started, when I heard the desk beside me move.
With my face still in my hands I said, "Casey, I'm sorry I am not in the mood right now."
"Jocelyn, we need to talk. Now." I heard Luke say against my ear. I jumped slightly, and lowered my hands to find him staring at me, and Cayne just behind him.
