phases of the moon

II. The Palanquin

Rin and Yoshiteru didn't interact much after their first encounter. Yoshiteru was usually away on duty when Rin scheduled his visits and on the off chance that the samurai was around when Rin was there, he was too preoccupied practicing to look at him.

This didn't deter him however, Rin would often sit on the wooden ledge and watch him swing his sword around. His form is still as purposeful as the river current. He'd watch with Yukiko by his side, the girl more than happy to chat with him as they watched Yoshiteru. She told him that she liked watching her brother train as well, stating how it brought her a sense of pride to see how skilled her brother was.

It was during this time that Rin met Yukiko's other brother as well. Youta Fukuhara, the heir of the estate. He was a man in his early 30's, his hair cut short and his body built big. It was obvious that Yukiko got her personality from him. It perplexed Rin how different Yoshiteru was in contrast to his siblings.

Everytime Rin was over, he'd be greeted with a warm smile from the eldest. It was like clockwork, with how he was treated by the Daimyo to be; Youta would ask how he had been and give advice on being heir. Inheriting their estates was something they both had the burden of doing but Youta seemed to have everything under control already. Rin envied him, his stature towered over him, he was always relaxed and level headed, and despite the heart of gold Rin was sure there was a cunning and ruthless leader underneath that.

Youta's wife, Sachiko, was never too far behind her husband. The man doted on her to no end; it was sickeningly sweet. Rin sees them in the Fukuhara estate and he wonders if he'll ever end up like that with Yukiko. If he'll ever be able to hold her, hug her, and kiss her like they did.

Sachiko would often talk with the pair, trying to ensure that they knew the ins-and-outs of marriage. By the look Yukiko had on her face it seemed like that was a lecture she often got from Sachiko even when Rin wasn't around. There was a particular phrase that stuck with Rin, "You two will fall in love eventually." Sachiko said with such great confidence. The smile on her motherly face was determined, like she was so sure that it would happen between them.

Rin wasn't so sure about it. He wanted to tell them both that the wrong Fukuhara was in his head all the time, he wanted to come clean about it but he felt so shameful. He couldn't bring even more dishonor into his family's name, nor could he break the spirit of such an optimistic woman.

This continued for a whole month before the wedding.

Rin had hid himself away in his room, he couldn't even bring himself to breathe as he was filled with dread. Today was the day he vowed himself to a woman, for the rest of his life. He knew that it's only politics. The reason why they were to be wed so quickly was so that their respective families could reap the benefits of the arrangement faster.

So why was there this pit in his stomach? Why was he so upset? This was common practice.

Rin isn't able to reach the end of his thoughts, he is not able to learn the conclusion to his anger and frustration as his father opened the door to his room/ He realized only then how dark it was, the sun streaming in bright from behind his father's imposing figure, casting a shadow on Rin.

"Get a grip of yourself, boy. Your wife's palanquin is arriving."

Rin nodded and stood. "Of course father, I'll be there shortly."

***

There is silence as Yoshiteru walks beside his sister's palanquin. The leaves underneath him crunch and crackle as he took his surroundings in dutifully. He's so focused that he doesn't realize it when the little window of the golden box opens.

"Brother," Yukiko's voice came out from her window. Yoshiteru flinched and turned his head to face her. "I opened my window in hopes of seeing you happy for me, but why are you frowning?" She childishly pouted at him.

"Do you think I'm ugly? Is that why you seem to be dreading every step you take?" Yoshiteru kept himself from cracking a smile, he rolled his eyes at her. "You know that isn't the reason why." He scolded her as his hand unconsciously reached for his blade.

Yukiko does not miss this movement. "Ah, right...Natsumi-san." Her voice is a lot smaller now. She lets silence fall beneath them for a brief moment.

Yoshiteru's wife, surely this is why he felt a twisting and churning in his stomach? Yoshiteru just wanted to be around for the wedding to make sure that history doesn't repeat itself.

"I will be fine, brother. Have trust in my husband." Yukiko said. Yoshiteru turned his face in time to see her soft and gentle smile before closing the small palanquin window again.

That's right. Her Husband. Hers.

Yoshiteru frown is only deepened, the sinking feeling in his stomach worsened. He doesn't want to think about why he feels like this. He'll focus instead on escorting his sister to her new estate.

***

When Rin steps out into his family's courtyard he feels his breath get taken away. All at once he feels the blood rush into his face and a plethora of words into his brain.

Ethereal. How is it so possible to look that beautiful? You're just standing right there. Your clothes frame you so wonderfully, today of all days especially.

Rin's thoughts rang loud and clear in his head. They ask things Rin will never even dream of saying aloud.

I wonder what my hand would feel like through your hair...What is it to feel your lips on mine? I so desperately want to hold you close-

Rin wrung his hands behind his back and tore his gaze away from Yoshiteru. He sincerely wished he was thinking about Yukiko. But the way Yoshiteru bore his commanding, strict gaze at him. How could he not?

He tries his best to keep his gaze on the Palanquin that the Fukuhara clan's servants had just set down in the middle of the courtyard. It's stunning, a gorgeous varnished wooden box, adorned with golden embellishments. This was a sight that all men should want to see right? A pretty little box, inside a precious jewel that was meant to be just for him.

But Rin doesn't like the thought of dehumanizing Yukiko like that, she is a wonderful, kind hearted girl who seemed to truly want a fruitful union... and Rin, well, he just wasn't the type of man who was interested in jewels it seems.

There is only nervousness in Rin's body as the ceremony finally begins. It comes to him as this blur of events, this heaviness in his chest. The official starts of the gathering and looks down humbly, onlookers will think he's merely relishing in the fact that he gets to marry this young and beautiful woman but they don't know about the lump in his throat, the sweat in his hands, and the uncertainty in his heart.

Rin tries his best to focus, but his thoughts are plagued by the samurai only a few feet away from him. Why does he so desperately want to turn his head over to meet his eyes? Why does he wish that Yoshiteru was standing in front of him?

Why can't he be normal and just accept the woman he's been arranged with?

He feels disgusting, the pit in his stomach deepens and entrenches his whole being throughout the event.

***

When the room comes back into focus, Rin finds himself on the seat of honor. His wife seated right next to him, gentle and illuminating. He's still coming back into his senses as he looks around at the festive room, his father is mingling with the Fukuhara clan members and the servants are slowly bringing food into the hall.

Yukiko smiled when she is served the finest delicacies, various platters and dishes in front of them.

"Your father really wishes to treat us well, huh Rin?"

"Y-Yeah...It's kind of odd though, I'll admit."

She smiles, picking up some rice and fish in between her chopsticks, putting it up to Rin's lips to feed him. He gives her a confused look at first.

"Husband gets the first bite, silly!l" She cheers before lifting it up again.

"Right, of course." He says before taking the food into his mouth. He mirrors the smile she gives him, too scared to admit that he has no appetite at all. Rin looks back at his father, already cheering and drinking with the older men of the house, Yukiko seems to be content as well. They just got married after all, his eyes looked around the hall once more. He spots Yoshiteru keeping to himself alone, eating his dinner like it was a burden to him.

Why is it that Yoshiteru and Rin are the only unhappy people in this hall?