phases of the moon

III. The Moon's Company

When the festivities are over, his father stands and shows the Fukuhara men around the estate, personally leading them to their accommodation. He looks around in the crowd leaving the room and sees that Yoshiteru isn't among them. Maybe he left earlier on without him noticing? Rin pushes the thought away from his mind.

He feels a light weight on his shoulder, Yukiko gently lays her head on him.

"So, we're married, huh?" The softest of giggles leave her lips as she looks up at Rin and he can't help but smile back at her. He didn't want to get married to her but he can't bring himself to holding any disdain in his heart for her. "We are," Rin confirms. It's a little awkward because after that, neither of them speak up again.

This is his fault; Rin bites his lip and furrows his brow again. This is all his fault, he should be chatting with her, strolling her around the gardens, or ravishing her in bed! But he isn't able to utter a single word to her. If only he was normal, if only-

"Rin," She calls out to him. He's startled and jumps a bit on his seat. She still has this gentle, understanding look on her face. "It's okay. It's okay if you don't love right now."

"How did you-"

"You're not that hard to read, you know?" She reaches a hand over and lets it rest softly on his lap. "We have not known each other for very long, I understand it. So I don't think you should be all that worried." Rin isn't able to muster anything in response, feeling his throat tighten. Yukiko notices but continues to assure him. "We both know they married us for the sake of our clans. But I don't see why we can't learn to love each other."

"Learn?" He murmurs.

"Learn." She leans in again, her face a few inches away from his. "Even though you do not hold any feelings for me yet, I'll be willing to fulfill my duties as you wife." She whispers before leaning in to press her lips against his.

She pulls away with that same smile on her face, Rin can't look at it. She's too sincere, too sweet.

"I'll wait for you in our room. Let me prepare a little at least." She says before leaving Rin alone in the wide dining hall with his thoughts.

He feels himself shrink. She spoke to him with the intent to cheer him up but all it did was tear apart even more. How could she be so prepared and ready to devote herself to her duties? How is she able to be so much stronger than Rin? She's leaps and bounds away from him.

He doesn't know how long he's seated idle but at some point he grits his teeth. This one thing. Surely he can be able to secure the future of his clan. Rin believes this was the first step to being the Daimyo lord he's supposed to be.

Rin does as he's supposed to; he quietly enters his room, and with his wife, he secures the lineage of the clan.

He thought in that moment he'll feel even a bit of relief.

He thought in that moment he'll finally take a step to being normal.

But not once did Yoshiteru leave his mind as he laid in bed with his wife.

***

Yukiko sleeps with a peaceful smile on her face. Rin watches the soft rise and fall of her bare chest, she looks content. He envies her so. He slowly lifts his hand and sets it on the top of her head. In the silence of their bedroom, Rin's thoughts are back to buzzing back and forth. A heavy sigh escapes him as he strokes her soft hair.

Rin is able to appreciate her beauty, he can recognize the graceful splay of the waves of her hair as it cascades and frames her like she's a painting. He can acknowledge that her skin is soft and supple. She's pleasant to look at and even more so to touch. Her milky white glow complimented by the moonlight streaming through the bedroom window.

But Rin also knows that even if he tries to understand her beauty, he still can't fall in love with her.

She doesn't deserve the life Rin would give her. They can learn to live and love as friends but he knows in himself that he'd never become the husband she deserves. Rin tries to shake away his thoughts, " I hope..." He whispers, looking down at Yukiko. Maybe one day he can learn how to be a good Lord and husband. Maybe one day he'll wake up and suddenly be the husband she expects him to be.

But until then,

"I hope you never fall in love with me, Yukiko. I can't hurt you like that." He concludes, lifting his hand away from her like an ultimatum.

Rin tears his gaze away and gets out from their bed. Sitting in this dim room will only make him overthink some more. He needs some air, donning his light Kimono he steps outside.

Immediately, he wishes he stayed inside the room. In front of his, Yoshiteru sits tall and unmoving. His hands pressing against the top of his lap, it was a position he saw Yoshiteru in many times already as the man liked to meditate in the Fukuhara Estate. He doesn't think Yoshiteru has caught on to his presence and takes a few more moments to observe him.

Rin thinks the moon light frames Yoshiteru better. He curses the moon under his breath for making the situation so much harder for him. The samurai had let his own hair down, the elegant waves in his hair pulled back and forth like the ocean as the wind softly carried it in its path. He bits his lip, thankful he can't see the other man's face or else he feared he'd never be able to turn away.

He realizes after a while that he didn't know why Yoshiteru was seated in front of his room. "Yoshiteru-san," he calls out to ask before his face pales as it also dawns on him that he doesn't know how long he had been outside his room. May the gods strike him down then and there if Yoshiteru heard a single thing they did in that bedroom. "It's late. W...were you always out here?" He slides the door behind him close.

"Perhaps, but I stayed away. You had privacy if that is your concern." Yoshiteru replies without missing a single beat. "That doesn't put me at ease at all!" Rin whines in embarrassment, his face turning an unhealthy shade of red from its paleness just a while ago. He pauses when he catches Yoshiteru's shoulders shaking and his heart follows him when the man starts to laugh softly.

This does several things to Rin, all at once.

The deep pit he had in his gut lifts until he doesn't feel it anymore. His pulse quickens and his feet move on their own until he's standing close to the samurai.

He realizes, as well, how infatuated he's become with the other man.

Rin is aware that one day he must be a good husband and a good Daimyo. He understands how much his clan has riding on his shoulders. But tonight, he cannot even bring himself to be a good man. He gives into himself and sits right next to Yoshiteru. He gives into everything that he thinks is wrong because he's never heard a laugh as uplifting as Yoshiteru's.

He was in this constant state of unease, and here right next to him is a man who undid everything with his soft laugh. Rin quickly grows attached to the feeling in his chest and the conversation flows so naturally between them.

"Are you worried for Yukiko? Is that why you're out here, Yoshiteru-san?"

"You can say that. I'm just ensuring her safety."

"Why is that? Do you not trust her to be in my care?"

"It's not that, it's a longer story, for another night."

Rin doesn't try to press further, he didn't want to ruin the moment between them especially considering how amicable Yoshiteru seemed to be at that moment. He doesn't dare to look over to him either, he fears that once he looks he won't be able to tear his eyes away again.

As they talk, about little insignificant things, there is no sinking feeling in their chests. It's replaced with a lighter, refreshing feeling that neither of them dare to name. They know this is supposed to concern them, but it doesn't.

They chat the night away only inches away from each other. Their only other witness was the moon, watching over them from miles away in the sky.