When It Was Me

Chapter 1: Eat Shit

Chapter 1

Eat Shit

A year and a month ago...

"Salazar, sinco. Ongpauco, uno," Atty. Broas says as he scribbles on his seat plan. I just stare at him, dumbfounded, trying really hard not to embarrass myself from reacting violently.

Putangina. Did I really just fail that recitation slash debate?

I can hear murmurs and feel the stares of my blockmates. It makes me more nauseous. It makes my head throb harder.

Pokerface. Show them it's nothing to you, L.

I slowly breathe in through my nose and exhale through my mouth soundlessly. I can't believe this is happening. I can't even. This is the very first time I failed a recitation in International Law.

THE. VERY. FIRST. TIME.

Why now? Why now when I have the worst kind of hangover? Why now when I have the mother of all hangovers?

It's official. I hate Patron, Smirnoff, and Cuervo with passion. I also fucking hate the Spratly Islands and every disputed island in the Southeast and South China Sea.

Gods. This is so embarrassing. To think I'm an International Studies student—and I came up short to that stupid jock?

"Class dismissed," Atty. Broas announces. I snap out of my reverie.

My blockmates immediately scramble out of the classroom. I take my time to gather my things. I hold my chin up and square my shoulders before going out of the classroom. Kaya mo 'to, L! Don't look at anyone. Show them what happened didn't grate your ego.

I sigh in relief when I see there's no one in the hallway. Thank the gods.

I'm about to walk to my next class when I hear someone's footsteps following me. "Salazar! Wait up!" someone shouts.

Oh. Hell. No.

I turn my head so fast I thought I was gonna have a whiplash. "What?" I snap at Cascade Ongpauco's smirking ass face.

"Hey, don't be so rude now, Salazar," he says as he walks towards me. Despite my irritation, I still can't stop myself from admiring his facial features and his...whole body. Damn. If only he wasn't a class-A asshole.

Honestly, he's not my type. He's not chinito. He's huge. And he's too damn cocky for his own good. I hate that I like he was tall, sporty, and smart. Did I mention he's the school's star quarterback?

"Like what you see?" he asks, his smirk still in place. Good God. He caught me checking him out!

Running out of patience, I just raise an eyebrow. Can someone really be so annoying? I wanna wipe that damn smirk off his face!

He shrugs. "Just wanna make sure there are no hard feelings between us." I just stare at him. I know he's not done. I can tell that this asshole is about to drop some serious shit on me. "I mean, I know what you feel. I've been there before...hungover and not prepared."

Wait. What? How come he knows I'm hungover?

"You probably haven't showered yet. Seeing that you're still in last night's clothes," he says, his eyes roaming on my body.

I still. What in the name of Tartarus?! "What're you talking about?" I ask, confused. He's just making my hangover worse.

He leans forward, his face only inches away from me. "Don't worry, Salazar. Your secret is safe with me," he says as he puts his index finger to his lips.

Fuck. He was at The Ledge last night. He saw me dancing at the tables, piss drunk.

I rip my eyes away from his lips and stare at him coldly. "Eat shit, Ongpauco," I say before I turn my back on him and leave.

***

Present Time...

I shake my head as I remember my first encounter with Cascade 'Kade' Ongpauco. Gods. I hate him so much. How did I end up here? How did I end up crying over him while he's probably banging his bimbo girlfriend?

I sniff as I close my eyes. I can feel my tears sliding down my temples and going through my scalp. How can I be so stupid? Why am I the one who's crying? I dumped him!

He made you dump him, L.

But that's beside the point. I still dumped him. I wanted this to happen. I wanted him to stop. I wanted him to find someone who'd appreciate him. He deserves someone worthy of his loyalty and love. I'm not that girl. I'm not the girl who's gonna give him the trust and love that he deserves.

I have my own issues. I can't help him with his demons.

Even if he's an asshole most of the time, that guy still has a heart of gold that only a few chosen people see.

And I was one of them.

And I have been replaced.

My gods. I laugh at myself. Who in their right mind falls in love with someone they can't even stand half the damn time?

Apparently, me.

Apparently, the scared little girl fell for the asshole.

"L! Okay ka lang ba?" I ignore Kim's concerned voice and the sound of her knocking on my door room. I just want to be alone.

Kim continues, "Nandito lang ako ha?"

I nod as I clutch my chest. Why can't I just come over to her room and pour out this shit I'm feeling? Why can't I just be that girl? The girl that doesn't have trust issues, the girl that has her shit together... the girl that isn't as cynical as I am.

I told him from the start that I'm hard to be with, but he persisted. Look how badly it ended. He even said I'm more trouble than my worth. Maybe he's right. Maybe that's why he gave up on me, on us.

I cry harder when I hear his final words inside my head.

"Dump me, Salazar! This is how it ends—you dumping me," he sneered at me. He was so mad...so heartbroken. And I just stood there in front of him, pokerfaced like a goddamned champ. "Go ahead! Dump me! You don't fucking want me. So just dump me, Louisse."

So I did what I was told.

I dumped Kade Ongpauco.