「 star-crossed ⭒ anakin skywalker 」

chapter nine

Since we destroyed the Malevolence, life has been nothing short of hectic. The Order is getting pulled deeper into this war by the day and I'm starting to think they have lost sight of what the Jedi are supposed to stand for.

Peacekeepers. How can we call ourselves peacekeepers when we are surrounded by violence? Can't they see that we have become soldiers for the Republic?

Maybe I do have some of my mother's pacifistic blood in me after all. I was young, but I remember how hesitant she was to send me off with the Jedi and I always wonder what made her give in. Perhaps she thinks it's my own opportunity to make a difference in the galaxy, as she makes hers ruling over Mandalore.

Not that I don't believe the Jedi Order is where I belong, I just find myself disagreeing with more and more of their ways the older I get.

But then again, these feelings and concerns are the very feelings we Jedi are trained to subdue. I've never spoken of them to anyone else in the Order, even Master Plo or Yoda, each of whom I confide in regularly, but this— this I am afraid neither of them would understand.

The 104th Battalion is among the strongest and most skilled in the Grand Army of the Republic. All of us, the clones, my master, and myself, have been going on missions nonstop, and exhausting ones too.

The Council has bounced us from system to system, from the Capital at Coruscant to the far Outer Rim and back again.

I can only guess it's been a few months since the mission with General Skywalker.

Anakin. I don't exactly know what to think of him anymore— I thought I was starting to, but I don't.

He hated me from the second we met and was downright mean. Well, if I'm being honest, I wasn't the nicest either— I figured if he was going to hate me, might as well give him a good reason to —but then something changed.

I could sense something inside him, like the ice in his heart was just beginning to melt, like he started to slowly lower his defenses.

Then I pushed him away. Stars, why did I push him away? Now he hates me again. Vienna, he is all you've ever wanted. Someone you can finally let in so you won't feel so alone anymore.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he really is just a rude, cold-hearted asshole.

Maybe he hated you the whole time and it's all in your head, because you desperately crave for someone to care about you.
Or maybe you are right and he is just as lonely and broken as you are. Maybe there is a chance he can give you everything you want. Stop. Stop thinking about him.

Sure there are plenty of other things to be thinking about, but that unsolved puzzle in the back of my mind will not let me stop.

—

The pack and I had just returned from our thousandth mission in a row last night. Knowing we were promised a day off ahead was enough to keep me going until I finally collapsed in my room.

I must have really been beat, because the next thing I know, the morning sun is blinding me awake through my small window.

I groaned as my hand attempted to shield my eyes from the bright light. My muscles were still asleep, yet somehow managed to push my sluggish body up onto my feet.

Not even having bothered to change out of my robes last night, I was sure I looked quite disheveled. In an effort to be somewhat presentable, I quickly ran my fingers through my hair and straightened up my clothes. Stepping into the hallway, it appeared busier than it usually is when I wake up— I must have slept later than I thought.

Oh no. I'm definitely late.

Today was my session with Master Yoda. I hurried through the temple until I finally reached his quarters, I hope he's not mad.

"Afternoon, Padawan Kryze."

His cheerful voice rang out before I could even entirely walk through the door. He sat cross-legged upon a small round cushion, the rays through the blinds softly illuminating his silhouette in the dim-lit room.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, Master, I must have s—"

He stopped me. "Worry about it, do not. Been working hard, I know you have."

I let out the breath I had been holding and nodded. Yoda gestured for me to take a seat, so I did, on another cushion across from him.

"Talked in a while, we have not, Vienna. Making things crazy around here, this war is. Tell me what's bothering you, sense something is wrong, I can," he said.

"Well," I paused and thought about what I should even tell him. It's not like I could bring up my concerns regarding the Council or the Jedi Order itself, I wouldn't want him to think I was insulting his leadership. "I... I'm just a little drained I think, that's all."

That wasn't entirely a lie, just not the whole truth. I gave him a small smile, and sat silently for a bit.

"That is all you have to say, you are sure?" he inquired, cocking his head slightly to the side.

"...Yeah."

"Nothing else, there is?" he kept trying.

There was plenty else. There were millions of thoughts and worries whirling around my head, and surely Master Yoda could tell.

But I was afraid. Afraid that he would think of me as a failure, a disgrace to the Order for questioning or disobeying their ways.

"No, I think I just need this day to rest and I'll be good to go," I finally said.

"Very well," he sighed. "Good to see you, it is."

I rose from my seat and bowed respectfully. "Thank you, Master."

As I was nearly out the door, the sound of his voice stopped me. "And remember, young padawan, always talk to me, you can."

I flashed a sincere smile and left.

—

A/N: It's so hard to write Yoda's lines yall have no idea💀 All my English just flew out of my brain

also i'd like to tell vienna that therapy sessions are not cheap why'd you say like 2 words jesus

sorry this chapter was kinda boring, not very spicy, but I needed some filler between missions lollll