mcyt || one shots

remember me || tommy

platonic!!!

l'manburg au
'thank you for everything,'
warnings : suicide, depression, death

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"tommy?" i called out. i had been visiting tommy nightly, ever since his exile. he wasn't feeling the greatest, but i tried my best to keep him safe and healthy. walking near where his white tent was supposed to be, a giant hole replaced it. my heart quickened a little, worrying about his whereabouts.

"tommy? it's y/n." i shouted once more. it was unlike him to not greet me. the past few days he's been feeling down, clearly the long exile had taken a toll on him. but still, he wouldn't just leave without telling me. right?

wandering around the area, another huge hole caught my eye. logstedshire. did it blow up or something? "tommy, where are you?" i tried shouting louder now, shivers running down my spine as i tried to locate the blonde boy who was nowhere to be seen.

i looked around, right, left, down, front, behind, up.

up.

the tall wood tower grabbed my attention. it was poorly built, so i knew it wasn't built to be a monument or anything like that. looking closer, my breath hitched. a glimpse of a red and white blob was all it took for me to start sprinting towards the tower. "tommy, no!"

i used all the tools i could to climb the tower. some wooden stacks were placed differently that helped in getting me up faster. the closer i got the more my eyes blurred, hot tears bubbling on the rim of my eyes. not now, tommy.

"tommy, please, wait for me okay?"

"im almost there, tommy, just hold on."

"im here, tommy. i'm coming."

despite all the pleas, his feet just kept dangling over the edge. just one small push, and gone.

reaching the top i yanked him backwards, pulling him into a hug. "oh god, tommy." i cried into his shoulder.

"y/n." he breathed out shakily.

i pulled him away, holding his shoulders tight to prevent anything. "tommy, what were you thinking?" i cried out.

"i can't anymore, y/n, i can't." he managed to let out, his legs giving up causing him to collapse on the floor.

"you can, okay, i know you can tommy. you've got me, right? i'll always be here." tears formed in my eyes, comforting him as the adrenaline still pumped in me from the sudden fright.

"thank you, y/n. for everything." he croaked, clearly dehydrated. building a tower isn't easy, i thought.

"of course tommy. let's head down first okay, and then we'll talk. together." i flashed a small smile to reassure him. he only hummed in response. i took this as a yes and stood up, letting him go from my grasp.

"i'll miss you, y/n." i heard him mutter as i was looking the other way.

"i've missed you too, tom-" his words registered in my brain. i will miss you.

my head turned quickly, rushing over to the edge. he looked at me, his eyes that represented the energetic waves were now just empty blue. he smiled at me.

he smiled at me.

and then he leaped. my fingers only slightly grazed his shirt.

no. no, no, no.

i wanted to jump with him. but i couldn't. i was frozen. every single fibre in my body was aching to leap the edge. but i couldn't bring myself to it.

i wanted to cry. my eyes were itching to let the tears flow. but they wouldn't.

i wanted to scream. the screams clawed at my throat, wanting to be let out. but it was silent. dead silent.

who knew that this was the one time i wasn't able to save him?

i sat on the edge for what felt like days. every time i looked under me all i could see was the lifeless body of my once best friend. i couldn't go down, i'd be closer to him.

could've saved him.

just grabbed him tighter.

not let go.

should've kept your eyes on him.

not look away.

i guess somebody noticed i was gone.

i felt a hand tugging at my shoulder. brown eyes met mine. he pulled me into his chest, sobbing into my shoulder.

"i could've caught him. he was so close." i let out. my voice was hoarse, i don't know why.

"i know, i know." he said in between sobs. a tear went down my face.

"im sorry, tubbo." i finally sobbed.

"im so sorry."

—————

i dragged myself to the empty field in manburg, my breath heavy. we had his funeral yesterday. i didn't really say anything though, tubbo too. we just stood as his lifeless body was put six feet under. that was the last time i'd see him. i didn't like that. so i just cried.

i reached my destination, placing a disc on his tombstone. reading the quote, i smiled.

'i'd rather lose as winners, than win as losers.'

i remember him saying that. it was what he told us when we were having that war with dream.

i sat beside his grave, grabbing the guitar i had brought together with me. a tear rolled down my cheek as i looked at the ground. i hated the fact that there was no chance to ever see him again. i couldn't just dig up his grave. and that sucked.

i plucked the strings of my guitar, a faint memory making its way into my head. we always sang this together near the fire, after a nasty day with dream. just me, him and tubbo. together, alive and well.

"remember me," i started.

"though i have to say goodbye,"

"remember me,"

"don't let it make you cry," my eyes teared up.

"for even though im far away, i'll hold you in my arms," the thought of not being able to hug him broke me.

"i'll sing this secret song to you, each night we are apart."

i couldn't continue. i threw the guitar aside. i turned, holding onto his tomb, the only thing left of him. hot tears pricked my face. i screamed. all the guilt, sadness, anger that i'd kept for who knows how long, i let go. i screamed until my my throat begged for it to stop. until my voice had turned into merely slow whimpers.

"i miss you, tommy. so, so much." i whispered.

it broke him, to see you like this. he felt guilty, sad, angry even. with himself. he ran to hug me.

but the second he reached me, he remembered he couldn't. his hands only managed to slip right through my fragile body. he looked down at his body, he was half transparent, unlike ghostbur. she can't see me. a tear slid down his cheek.

"i miss you too, y/n. i miss you too much." he sobbed out.

"remember, me."

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a/n : thank you guys so much for all the reads ! im sorry if this chapters a little shitty. today's just been very difficult for no reason. i felt quite unmotivated but i really wanted to write so here it is! alright, i love you all and take care !