All of the Stars Have Fallen Out of Line

Chapter 5: The Lake

I only felt one emotion as I read through the ill-written suicide note. Disgust.

Charlie, Emma, Red, Blue, Olive, Mauve, and Topaz... words cannot describe how sorry I am for what I am about to do, however I simply cannot live with this burden I have brought upon myself. I want you to know I've loved each one of you girls and there hasn't been a minute in life when I didn't, but I knew you'd never forgive me for what I had to do for science. Your mother was one of the most powerful specials we'd ever encountered, and my entire team had evidence that her sacrifice could make the production of the vaccine ten times faster; ultimately saving us all. Your mother is safe, and being well taken care of. So I felt it was just better for us all to move on since it'd be impossible for us to ever be together as a family. Charlie and Emma, although you joined our journey a little late I want you all to know you're as equally apart of the family as I was. I'm so sorry for have failing you all, and being such a coward. Please remember my love for you, as opposed to the ill feelings of contempt you must have for me now. Goodbye and may we meet in the next life.

I crumpled up the letter and threw it. "It's bullshit!" I cried out in anger.

Red had skimmed it from over my shoulder and the second I threw it she dove and brought the letter close to her chest. "He just left, we have to go after him Blue!" There were tears in her eyes. I couldn't believe she felt something other than hate for the bastard.

I shook my head " By all means go and search around for him but I'm not. I'm done with this shit. He was hiding things from us and he didn't give two shits about us knowing we were looking for mom every fucking day!"

"Think about the girls, Blue! No mom, no dad?! They NEED parents and Emma is hardly that! Stop being so damn selfish and LET'S GO." She demanded.

I was furious and it felt like I was being kicked in the head with every heart beat but I hopped out of the window after Red and followed her to our backyard.

"He couldn't have gotten far, his car is here. Let's try the woods." I sighed to Red.

She was happy to see me compliant and we headed into the foliage together.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where he'd gone to end his life... the lake.

"Dear god," Red mumbled before doubling over and throwing up her lunch at the sight of my dad's body bobbing, face down, steadily in the pocket of water. "We need to call the fucking police Blue and now."

I fumbled around my pocket until I felt for my phone and immediately dialed the police. All I could think about was killing the bastard, but he was already dead.

———————————— Red——————————

Things would never be the same after today. Everything was about to crash and burn, and no one was prepared.

I heard bits and pieces of Blue's conversation with the police before the world went silent. It was as if my father's body and I were the only two on the planet; completely still.

I wanted to scream at him, weep, pull out my hair, anything. I couldn't tell if I felt furious or guilty, and all I saw in Blue was hate. I knew the last thing our family needs is another person full of anger, I had to show the girls forgiving characteristics rather than vengeance filled ones.

As the oldest, I felt I was supposed to have the answers... but right now, my mind was empty.

Just dad and I at the lake. Just him and me.

I couldn't concentrate on what comes next but I needed to. I needed to sit down and think for all of us. Blue was far too rash, and I just wanted to run away. Run away from all of it.

A pang of guilt hit my chest as I thought of the idea.

And leave my sisters behind? And who would take care of Charlie?

I felt sick again but I repressed throwing up twice. It took me a second to come back to my surroundings and realize Blue was currently talking to me.

"—Arriving fifteen minutes. I mean, why does it even take them that long they're the freaking police station!" She looked at me, exasperated.

I couldn't even make out a response. Nothing but air left my lips.

Am I in shock? I need to get away. I need to get away. I need to—

"Red?" Blue looked at me quizzically.

"I didn't hate him Blue." I surprised myself as I said the words, and Blue was equally shocked "I, I didn't want to... and I can't. I can't for the girls, for Charlie, and for me."

Blue didn't agree, I could tell but she still attempted to empathize with me. "It's okay, you know. Everything he put us through, if you hate him it's okay. Just don't hate yourself for hating him. Your feelings are valid."

I turned to look at his lifeless body again. I hated Blue always had to be the strong one. I was supposed to be that anchor for her.

They won't need you, I need to get out of here.

I pushed my hair behind my ears and got up. It was time for me to collect myself and stop being so damn sensitive. He deserved it... right?

"I'm going inside. I'm done with this... I can't do anything for the dead."

Blue wasn't understanding my quick shift of emotions but she didn't question me.
"It's better if you'd tell the girls, I know that's a lot on your plate but they'd take it better from you. I'll wait for the cops." She proposed.

I shook my head. "I can't Blue. I can't, okay? I need air... telling them they've lost both parents is just too painful right now."

Her expression didn't falter and she finally nodded.

"I'll tell them then. I'll wait for the fucking police too. You go get a massage or something. Bail from the important things like you always do."

She had a right to be mad. I dragged her out here and for what? Her to do what I was going to do all along? I felt utterly worthless, and completely overwhelmed. My father just killed himself and I won't apologize for "overreacting". It's not my fault Blue can be a cold, heartless, bitch sometimes. But nevertheless, she was right.