The Sweetest Summer

Chapter Thirty - Three - Lose You to Love Me Part II

I don't know if I had ever cried until that night. I mean truly cried.

Sure, when I dumped my ice cream at the state fair I cried. When my beloved turtle Henry died in the second grade I cried. When Denise shoved me down the bleachers at a football game our sophomore year I cried, but none of that could compare to the utter torture I experienced that night. I thought I'd eventually just die from dehydration, or the inability to form a deep breath, or the way my heart physically fucking hurt.

But the strangest thing happened. I didn't actually die - only a part of me did. The part that believed that everyone had some good in them. That bad things didn't happen to good people. That everything happens for a reason.

I learned that night, that sometimes bad things do happen, and not everything is meant to teach you a lesson. Some things just happen to fuck you up for a season, until enough time has passed that you can move on.

I wondered how much time I would need to move on from the way I loved Eli with everything I had, and then lost him twice as hard. However long it would take, I was ready to start moving in that direction, and Paris was a good first step.

"Do you have everything packed up?" My mom asked, pulling me close in the middle of our kitchen. She looked particularly beautiful in the midmorning sun, her blonde hair glowing like an angel. With everything with Eli, I hadn't allowed myself to consider how much I would miss her, my dad, hell even Collins this next year.

"Yeah, dad already loaded up the car last night. You'd think he's ready to get rid of me..." I joked.

"You know, if it were up to him, he would lock you in your room and keep you here forever." She brushed my hair back from my face, a sad smile covering her lips. "But that would be a vast injustice to the world. You're going to accomplish great things, my dear."

"And if I don't?" I asked, my insecurities over this whole charade bubbling up.

"Well then, you'll just come back here and we'll figure out what other great thing you are destined for..." She smiled and hugged me tightly, crushing my ribs against hers.

"Promise me you'll come and visit?" I asked as I picked up my purse from the floor.

"Of course. Collins has already been begging me to take her on some lavish shopping spree." My mother rolled her eyes.

"Well maybe I can get you a discount at Dior." I laughed and followed her toward the front door where Collins was waiting for her turn to hug me.

"I'm going to hold you to that, sis." She smiled widely, which was such a rarity I almost forgot what it looked like.

"Now go and kick some ass." She gripped me tight before shoving me through the open front door, our sisterly moment gone as quickly as it had arrived.

The sun was bright and I pulled my small black Ray Bans over my eyes, searching for my Father's 1968 sky blue ford mustang. He only drove it on special occasions, and my departure was one of them.

"Already all gassed up and ready to go, darling." He said his voice full of gravel.

"Don't tell me you're going to start crying too..." I teased, shoving my purse through the passenger side window.

"Of course not." He opened the door for me. "I'm just going to miss you is all."

"You guys are all acting like I'm dying!" I laughed, ignoring the open car door and hugged him. "I will see you in a couple of months." He smelled like mint and ocean air like he always did, his tattooed muscles gripping me tightly. Afraid to let me go.