old friends

im sorry, clay

it had been two weeks.

clay had deleted the vod, had long talks with every one of his friends and almost every member of his close family, and had yet to talk about it on twitter. he hadn't streamed since, hadn't even thought about it. most importantly, though, he hadn't talked to riley since.

he had reached out, sent a few calls, sent a few texts, even a couple 'i'm sorry' messages in there. but he didn't know what he was sorry for. he didn't have anything to be sorry about.

'i'm sorry for not watching how much you drank' or 'i'm sorry for drinking the wine you brought' or 'i'm sorry for not taking advantage of you when you were drunk' or maybe even 'i'm sorry for being hopelessly in love with you even though you don't love me back'

none of those were things he should be sorry about. it wasn't his fault that the entire thing went down. it wasn't his fault that he didn't want to take advantage of her.

he should be mad at her, but he's not. he can't be. and he's not sure why.

and riley... well, she'd been in her head for two weeks.

it was her fault, obviously. she had come onto him, she was the one that couldn't handle rejection or her feelings for clay, she was the one that was making it awkward. she was the one that hadn't reached out at all.

"what the fuck do i even say?" riley asks erin, pacing around her room, "i'm sorry for ghosting you for two weeks clay? that sounds so stupid!"

it's late, and riley is too tired for her own good.

she wishes she could just send him some super emotional paragraph telling him everything she felt for him--but erin had shot down that idea. mostly because she was drunk and it was riddled with spelling errors, and erins minor in english was showing, but also because it's usually a terrible idea that you regret in the morning (speaking from her own experience).

so riley resided to wallowing in her own self pity, going on with her daily life like nothing had happened. she hadn't been on twitter in two weeks, hadn't glanced at instagram, and had barely even touched her phone.

she was busy, truly. and purposely avoiding the nagging guilt that loomed over her.

she had to worry about her moms bone marrow transplant coming up next week, and also about school that had just started (completely online) and how the hell she was supposed to learn online with a course that wasn't meant for learning online. she had just gotten her second job, and then had to worry about also taking care of aj. the poor kid could barely leave his room since he had to attend in person school and couldn't be around his mom at all.

and the stress and guilt of the whole situation with clay was just too much to bear.

"just tell him what happened, and like, actually apologize."

riley sighs, "it's easier said than done, erin."

"look, i don't want to be harsh." riley shuts her eyes and falls back onto her bed.

erin has always been harsh, that's just who she is. not harsh, honest. even when you don't want honesty.

"please," riley whispers, "i need it."

erin nods, taking a sip of her white claw before turning her attention back to her phone.

"it's your fault, riley. clay did the right thing back there, you're the one that messed it up, the one that continues to make it worse. fix it, dude. all it takes is one call."

"it's gonna be more than one call."

erin rolls her eyes, "with clay, dumbass. not your entire life. call him, don't text. ok? hang up on my and call him. and if i learn that you texted him a long paragraph, i'm going to come to florida myself and kill you, ok?"

riley opens her eyes and stares up at the ceiling. it's tinted purple from her lights.

"ok." she whispers, pulling the phone from her ear and hanging up.

she has to call clay, she knows. erin holds her promises, and she tends to know best.

but when did riley ever take the best, easiest route? when did she ever listen to good advice?

never.

and she wasn't about to start.

she opens her texts, having to scroll down some to find clays. she pauses when she sees it.

'I don't know what I did but can you please text me back?? I'm really worried about you Riley'

god she was an asshole, wasn't she?

she stares at his photo for longer than she'd like to admit. he's so pretty, and she hurt him.

her thumbs fidget over the send button, and she takes a deep breath.

either erin is going to kill her, or her own anxiety own is.

she shuts her eyes and presses send.

---- -- - -- -----

i realized this kinda sounds like heat waves?? i still haven't read it yet but this is based off my own experiences, not heatwaves

shoutout to the ppl that ghost ppl at the slightest inconvenience

anyways happy holidays, happy new years, it's finally 2021!