Of Monsters And Men

With Love, Your Brother

Dear Techno,

How are you? I haven't spoken to you in ages, three weeks is a lot longer than I thought. Really getting into your farming, huh? Honestly, this is the most stupid war I've heard of, but whatever floats your boat. I'd offer to help, or even better, sabotage, but knowing you, you'd be far too prideful to let me do such a thing. Seriously, there's a reason that 'all's fair in love and war' exists.

We've been well, business as usual. Tommy has managed to avoid breaking any of your weapons, though I have to warn you that 'War of the Greats' will never be the same again. Tubbo's been helping me with that song I was writing, he's surprisingly good with a piano. I'll try and send you the lyrics sometime soon, so you can add your 'Technoblade flare' to it.

Dad hasn't adopted anyone else while you've been away (thankfully), but we have got someone new hanging around the house. Her name's Niki, and she's a wolf hybrid from the next town over. You'd like her. The drought really impacted her dad's crops, so I offered to help grow some more for her and she sent over a cake in thanks. She's an excellent baker; I'll have to get her to send some goods to you.

Anyway, good luck with your farming, and I hope to see you soon.

Love,
Your brother Wilbur.

~~~~~

Dear Wilbur,

How DARE you insult the noble art of potato farming? Penned by my own brother, no less! But in all seriousness, the war is going well. I'm only a few thousand potatoes away from stealing this squid's crown. And you're right, I would never stoop so low as to sabotage his crops, that would be dishonourable. That doesn't extend to Squid himself, however, so if you really want to help, a detailed analysis of his day to day activities would be very nice.

Niki sounds nice, and anyone who can put up with you for an extended period of time has my utmost respect. Also, the cookies she sent were amazing, tell her if she ever needs any potatoes I will gladly give up an entire harvest's worth. For those pastries, the world.

Glad to see everything is fine back home, hope it stays that way for a little while at least (please, I don't want to come home to a forest in my bedroom again, Will). I hope I'll be able to make it back soon.

With love,
Your brother Techno.

P.S. please tell Tommy that he's not to go into my room again until I have a handwritten, exact copy of that book. I paid good money for that one.

~~~~~

Dear Techno,

Please, for the love of Notch, sleep! Dad seems to have this sixth sense for telling when you're awake, and there is only so much 1 am screeching I can put up with. Please, for the sake of my sleep schedule, fix your own.

In other news, I've decided to join a tournament! Aren't you proud of me? It's called Minecraft Championships, not sure if you've heard of it, but both Dad and I'll be playing together! We're on a team with Jack - you remember him, right? The guy I terrorised about a year ago? Yeah, him and some other person I don't really know. I'm not sure what it's going to be like (hope it's better than that other event), but it looks like fun.

The family's doing well, Niki's business is booming, and Tubbo's been helping Phil set up a bee farm by the house. I'm going to warn you though, it's right outside your window. They promised to move it later, but I'm not sure if that holds true. Bees or not, it'll be nice to have you back home again.

See you soon,
Your brother Wilbur.

~~~~~

Dear Wilbur,