This story is part of a free eBook with illustrations, video and audio narration. Get more information at http://kingdomofhamelot.com/doctor-leachum/.
Leachum, a Doctor professing to know it all,
Is somewhat odd looking, quite thin, decidedly tall!
A man who is vain about a vein,
There are those who feel his treatments are a bane!
And when he’s well into his cups,
He enjoys carving cadavers up! O? Yup!
Just where he gets them is anyone’s guess,
He’s been asked, but he won’t e’er confess
To doing anything that’s out of whack,
But you’d just better watch your back!
And, Struth, he surely won’t pull a tooth!
He considers that gross operation uncouth!
You have to see the Barber for that nasty job!
My word, but you do…and he makes grown folks sob!
Yes, the Barber makes people shudder,
And strange oaths they’re heard to utter!
And, O, the pinchers that he uses,
And the tooth that person loses!
And the foot pressed on his chest,
And you don’t want to know the rest!
O, It requires a deal of bravery!
Yes! The whole situation’s most unsavory!
But from Doctor Leachum we’ve gone astray,
Because of barbers and yanking teeth all day!
Now, Leachum’s a “blood-letter” most supreme!
Yes, we know it makes one want to scream!
We know also there’s a real need for the leech!
Tho’ that’s what makes most ladies screech!
All just to drain blood from the sickened one…
O! Ho! Now we are really having fun!
The balance of body humours oft needs purgation,
And leeches seem just right for the whole operation!
Applied on arms, legs, forehead and chest,
Their thirst for blood really does all the rest!
Think of it, they’re drinking their lunch right off of you!
And, once covered in leeches, there’s not much you can do!
The awful suck, suck, sucking and tight little squeeze
Can bring the stoutest fellows right down to their knees!
The grim, slimy black things in Leachum’s jar,
Make your blood run cold right where you are!
And that messes up the humour phlegm
And makes your complexion begin to dim,
Then, to correct the peccant humour, it’s blood-letting;
Whilst the patient faints in his very setting!
YOU ARE READING
Kingdom of Hamelot Series I: Menagerie of Murder
FantasyThe dreadful Doctor Leachum treats his patients with leeches and seems to be concerned with anything but health! Royal Taste-Tester Testin Gruberson eats far more than his fair share and terrorizes the castle’s servants. The Monarch’s trusted spy Ja...
