crush | janiel

chapter twenty one

"daniel?"
i looked around times square, eager to find the short brunette. the square was always packed during the new years because since we were stuck here for it, we all decided to see the new years countdown in times square. zach squished up beside me, as i held him close so i wouldn't lose him. zach was extremely claustrophobic and i didn't want to worry him into the new year.
"what time is it?" zach asked, shifting from the crowd and finding a spot. i flipped my wrist to check the time, as it took me awhile because i could not read analog clocks for my life.
"it's 11:54 pm" i stuttered, since eben, jonah, and corbyn piled behind me, surrounding me so zach wouldn't get pushed around by other people.
"have you seen jack?" i asked nervously, turning around to corbyn.
"jack?" corbyn called, which was useless since hundreds of people were huddled around us, talking loudly over each other.
"fuck..." corbyn whispered under his breath as i bit my lip, worried that i'd lost him.
"jonah i can't find jack."
"i know, but hey don't worry-"
"-no jonah, just..." my voice trailed off as i looked around the crowd.
"i'll be right back," i responded.
"no daniel you're only going to get yourself lost," eben called, as i ignored him, pushing past them all.
the crowd's noise got louder, as a countdown started on one of the buildings.
"jack?" i called loudly, but no answer came from the crowd.
it was quite stupid to even call his name because it was so common, and it would take forever to just find every other brunette person in the crowd. i started getting worried, because i know jack didn't like getting in tight big crowds.
"jack?" i yelled louder, hoping someone would turn around.
i opened my mouth to say it again, but the crowd only got louder. i checked the time on my watch: 11:57 pm. i looked around once more, stressed because i'd already lost the other guys going too deep in the crowd.
"jack?" i called once more.
"daniel?" a voice said behind me, as jack approached me quickly, hugging me tightly.
"are you ok?" i questioned, as jack answered by kissing me, and nodding fast.
"you realize we're supposed to kiss after midnight right?" i laughed, as jack looked down, blushing of embarrassment.
"i couldn't help myself, i got lost and you have no idea how embarrassing it is to call a random tall straight blonde with his girlfriend here baby," jack replied, which cracked me up loudly.
"that's not funny daniel i hate you!" jack said, hitting my shoulder softly.
i giggled a little more looking at him smile. i loved when his cheeks got so rosy when he was blushing or when he was embarrassed. he always told me how much he hated how pale he was, so it was easy how red he got, through cold weather and through whatever effect i had on him for no reason. i love the way his eyes sparkled at night, since the lights glimmering all around cities or even the show lights at our shows would shine upon his eyes. it looked like little stars had been painted into his eyes. his eyes were this dainty soft colour of brown, which were always like gloss in the sun like sunflowers and honey. he was talking a little more, about this other guy he thought was zach, but all i could think about was him. sometimes i hated how distracted i would get around jack, but a part of me loved how i did too. the way his crewneck bagged down on his body perfectly, and how his sleeves were pulled a little down to warm his hands from the cold. the way his glasses kept slipping down his nose, and he adjusted them every 5 seconds.
"daniel? daniel?"
i shook my head as jack rested his hands on my sides.
"i'm sorry i'm boring you out," he mumbled.
"no that's not it jack," i protested, because truly it wasn't.
"then what is it daniel? i feel like e-every time i talk to you i bore you out, because you zone out every time," jack shuddered due to the cold.
he let go of my sides as he rubbed his hands together. i grabbed his hands, warming them myself as he scoffed cutely.
"look you don't have to do that."
"look-" my sentence cut off as the crowd yelled a little louder.
"look what?" jack yelled over.
i looked at the clock on the building. 11:58.
"i don't get bored around you it's the literal opposite of that."
jack frowned at me, as i stepped closer to him.
"look, the reason why i always zone out, its not because i get bored, its because i-i just get so distracted by you. not other things. i hate how sometimes you get so distracting because then all i can think about you. only you. and my mind can never get off you. you're like this drug to my brain, and i literally can't stop taking you."
jack smiled at me, as he looked back into my eyes.
"you think i'm a drug?"
i rolled my eyes as i moved my hands in a confused way.
"you know what i mean," i laughed.
"in a way, i mean the only thing playing in my head now is eben's song," he replied which made me laugh.
"but you truly are such a drug. and in the best way possible. literally when i'm with you, whether its only us or in a room full of people. hell, at any concert, i'd forget that we weren't alone and i'd forget the lyrics to whatever song we'd be performing."
"so you saying that you forgot the lyrics was a lie?" jack whispered.
"yes but that's not the point. i mean, everything about you is just, insane. and i don't mean that in a bad way. the way you only like this one specific black jacket because you say the other jackets make your sleeves roll up. the way you like this specific candle scent that you surround yourself in every place you go because other ones are too strong. even the way you tie your shoes this odd way because syd taught you that way when you were younger, and its literally the most adorable thing after you get excited that it works every time even though you tie your shoes every day."
jack stepped closer to me, as his glossy eyes were looking more glossier than usual. the countdown starting from 90 glowed on the building, as people chanted down the numbers loudly all over the square.
"you notice all these things?" jack asked, smiling softly.
i blushed, noticing how many things i'd listed out to him.
"yeah...i'm sorry is that weird?" i asked nervously.
"no it's not weird. i'm glad you do babe. you're my boyfriend, and it means a lot to me you notice all the things," he smiled.
boyfriend.
i don't know why that word still filled my stomach with butterflies every time he said that. i loved when he called me that. his boyfriend. i was so lucky to even call him that.
"boyfriend," i said, which i later realized i said outloud.
"yeah my boyfriend," jack giggled.
"30! 29! 28!" the crowd screamed as jack looked at the building.
"should we start to look for the guys?" jack asked.
"i mean, i pushed past a lot of people and a lot of dogs even to find you, so i don't think we're going to find them in time."
jack sighed deeply as he looked back at me.
"at least i'll be with you." jack whispered in my ear, as i held him close to my body. his body shivered as i kissed his forehead gently. he glanced at me as the crowd got louder. his hair fell out of my beanie beautifully as he turned around to look at the screen. i glanced down as he held my hand softly, as i felt the promise ring i'd given him rub against my finger. even though i knew he'd wear the ring, my heart felt so full knowing that he was wearing the ring that i had gotten him. he fidgeted with it, moving it in circles as the last of the seconds of the year counted down slowly.
"jack?" i said, which caused him to turn his head and rest it in the crook of my neck.
"yeah, everything ok?" he asked.
i sighed deeply, looking at him once again.
i was so lucky to be the person to call him mine. i was the person who got to wake up to him everyday, and fall asleep next to him. i was the person who made him breakfast, and always bothered him about his water intake. i was the person who got him out of bed, and made it for him when he didn't. i was the person who got to kiss him. hold him. i was the person who had the whole world in his hands. in that moment, my heart dropped to my stomach as i noticed something about my feelings towards jack. i was always afraid to admit my feelings towards anyone especially because i never had been in many serious relationships. i was always afraid of falling and fucking something up. because i would overthink everything, knowing that there would be something that maybe the person i was with didn't like. but with jack, it was so different. he was so different. he wasn't just like me, but our differences is what made us so compatible with each other. the way he'd always look out for me and tell me that's it's ok to take care of myself sometimes, and how i'd always tell him that he didn't need to always take so much pressure on his shoulders. he understood me like no one else. he listened to me when i had something to say. and he spoke when i wanted his opinion. or just even when i wanted to hear his delicate voice. i admired everything about him. i loved everything he did. everything he said. i loved him.
i loved him i repeated to myself.
i love him.
"daniel you're doing it again-" jack started.
"i love you jack."
he froze as he looked at me intensively. his eyes were looking into mine, as the tip of his glasses slid down once again. but he didn't fix them. he let them stay in whatever position they were in.
"y-you? you w-what?" he stuttered softly.
i touched the back of my neck nervously.
"i love you jack. i love you. i love everything about you. i love when i wake up to your sweet voice singing in the morning. i love when you kiss me passionately and kiss my temple whenever i'm feeling disconnected or stressed out. i love when you hold my hand in public, and squeeze it whenever you get nervous. i love everything you do jack. i just..." i paused, looking at him.
"i love you."
his eyes teared up as that cute little smile crept across his face again.
"you really do love me?" he asked through a break of tears.
i laughed gently, wiping a few that came down his cheek.
"i do jack. i really really do."
jack held my face in his hands, looking at me which i love when he did. his stare was always so soft, and so gentle that i could show his fondness just by looking in his eyes. he didn't even need to speak to let me know that he cared about me like as if i was the best thing that had ever happened to me. because when i look at him, that's exactly what goes through my mind.
"i love you too daniel." he whispered in my ear, as he wiped his cheeks softly.
"and i'm sorry that i never told you that before," he mumbled, as i lifted his chin with the tip of my pointer finger.
"i didn't need you to say it in order for me to know if you did or not."
he rolled his eyes as he nodded.
"you know...i've loved you ever since you were with me that night."
"where you threw up?"
he laughed as he elbowed me.
"yes idiot, you looked so pretty that day for no reason. but then again, you look pretty every day."
i blushed at him softly, as i held his hand looking as the final numbers of the countdown showed on the building.
"5! 4! 3!"
i turned to look at jack as he looked back at me.
"i love you jack." i said.
he scrunched his nose softly as he came closer.
"2! 1!"
"i love you so much more daniel," he replied, as he kissed me when the fireworks exploded above the city.
"happy new year!"
jack pulled away as he stared at the fireworks, erupting vigorously in the sky.
there was bunches of golden and silver in the sky. and then slowly, a rainbow themed of fireworks exploded, causing jack to smile softly, burying his head into my shoulder, giggling.
"what's so funny?" i asked him.
he looked up, but only so much that i could see his eyes.
"i can finally tell someone i got kissed on new years."
i pushed him softly as he pulled himself back, holding my hand and pulling me back into a soft kiss.
"there you are- oh."
i pulled away annoyed, seeing zach and corbyn laugh as jonah and eben smiled.
"there you are! where were you?" corbyn asked jack, where he responded by shrugging.
"you guys were too far, sorry we couldn't find you."
"it's alright, zach almost got trampled by this random mascot."
"i did not!" he protested.
"well it's nyc zach, it's nothing to be embarrassed about," eben exclaimed.
"i'm not embarrassed! i mean...i guess the bird just had a bad year and wanted to trample me in return," he muttered, which caused us all to burst into laughter.
"happy new year losers," i smiled, as jonah pulled us all in together.
i felt jack's hand touch against my shoulder as he played with the fabric of my shirt. and i knew it was him by the ring on his finger.
"so you're telling me you guys started off the new years with each other's tongues down your throats?" zach asked.
"zach!" i yelled, hitting his knee as he crouched down to hold it, flipping me off to the action.
"i don't know about you guys but i say let's go back to the hotel and get wasted, because my head hurts," corbyn implied.
"wouldn't the hangover make it worse?" eben piped.
corbyn paused as he looked at me, as i nodded, not knowing if he wanted me to back him up.
"well, that's the new year's morning to worry about," he replied, which for some reason, we all agreed to.
jack stared at me as the boys started discussing something like trashing the hotel room. i smiled in his direction as i knew what was playing through my head.
god i loved him so much.
"what are you two so smiley about?" jonah asked jokingly.
jack opened his mouth to answer, which only resulted in a sigh as he looked in my direction.
"nothing." he said bluntly, which caused my cheeks to burn for no reason as i rubbed the feeling away.
"so y'all definitely banged in like one of the restrooms then?"
"zach, please shut the fuck up," corbyn groaned, as we all started walking to the hotel.
i held jack's hand as i looked at the sweater he was wearing. it was purple, as i laughed to myself.
"what's so funny?" jack questioned.
i stopped for a second and kissed his cheek.
"i always loved purple on you."
jack grinned softly, as he broke the eye contact between us, squeezing my hand as we walked in the cold windy weather of new york.