crush | janiel

chapter twelve

i gulped down the harsh liquid as my throat burned from the alcohol. i knew i shouldn't be drinking, especially over 2 glasses because i knew how that ended always. but my thoughts were so jumbled. so confused. i didn't know what'd just happened. i didn't know why daniel did what he did. i didn't know why he kissed me. or why i even kissed him back.
"where's daniel?"
i looked over my shoulder to jonah, who appeared to be clearly drunk.
"in the bus," i replied back, swirling my drink around on the table of the bar.
"why is he there and you're here?"
i shrugged my shoulders before he turned back around. i cupped my ears with my hands as the music blared from across my right shoulder. it was dark in the club we were in. hell the only lights were the led ones which changed frequently every second, which caused me to get a headache. i felt a pair of hands grab my drink as i slowly slouch a little forward, holding my stomach, only to look up at daniel staring back at me with my drink in his hand.
"why are you drinking?" he replied sternly, taking the seat right next to me, and drinking the rest of my drink.
"look jack, i know you only drink when something is bothering you. because i know how you hate alcohol and it helps you escape from your problems," his voice broke through the music.
"you d-don't know a-anything about me," i slurred out, holding my head in my right hand, since it was clearly hurting. but to have daniel sit in front of me, i knew if i walked away he'd follow.
"yeah i'll have a margarita," his voice echoed in my brain as i turned to look around, trying to find zach so i could get out of this situation. but unfortunately, he was more busy with eben, trying to see who could take the most shots.
"jack you didn't answer my question."
i turned back to look at daniel, as he stared deeply into my eyes, as if he was trying to study my fear. his hair was messed up a little and his button up was now a little more open, for a reason i didn't want to know why for.
"i'm fine daniel, you don't need to worry about me," i choked out as i stood to leave, but i sat back down from the uneasiness in my head and stomach. daniel's arm wrapped around my waist, which i knew was to help me stabalize my balance, but i pulled away from his grip which i knew hurt him more than it hurt me.
"jack why did you leave?" he asked.
"i don't know daniel stop asking me," i replied annoyed, but stepped in front of me to block the way.
"were you afraid?"
"afraid?" i scoffed. "afraid of what?"
he shrugged as i rolled my eyes, motioning the bartender for another drink.
"look jack i don't know what's gotten into you-"
"what's gotten into me? oh i don't know daniel its you!" i interrupted, which caused him to step back.
"it's you daniel. you're all that's on my mind consistently, like a fucking drug and i don't know how to feel about the feelings or thoughts i'm having. and you pulling that fucking type of stunt and expecting me to be ok with that isn't really helping!" i yelled, which was ineffective because of the music, but daniel just gazed into my eyes again, as i couldn't even pull out his blue eyes which always put me in a trance.
"i never asked you to be ok with it. i don't know why i kissed you jack. i-i just..." he paused.
"i just thought that you felt the same." he mumbled a little, which i heard clearly since the song had just ended. people shuffled around us, which caused me to get hit by tons of people at once, crowding around the bar and dance floor, as i eagerly pushed away from all of them. i hated parties for this exact reason. people pushing you and squeezing you together made me feel so trapped and uneasy. another body pushed against me as i tried to pull away from the crowd, which only overwhelmed me more. i felt my vision hurt, as multiple laughs and voices echoed around my mind, making the situation even worse than it already was. my breath started to tremble as i closed my eyes, trying to only focus on myself, because if i paid too close attention to someone else, it would make me panic even more.
i needed the guys. i needed daniel.
"jack?"
i heard a familiar voice call from me as i looked around quickly, but couldn't tell who it was, since people basically towered over me, which was only another reason i hated being so short. i could never push away from crowds. i was always the one getting pushed.
"you guys are hurting him, jack come here," the voice called again as his arm extended out to me, pulling me out of the crowd. he was wearing 2 rings on his right finger, and another one on his left, which i brushed against while he held me.
"are you alright?" corbyn asked, sitting me down next to an empty corner and opening a water bottle for me to take a sip from.
"it's just the crowds, they're overwhelming," i breathed out, which made corbyn pause to think for a bit, and then sit next to me.
"daniel was looking for you."
"and why is that?" i replied, looking anywhere but at him.
"i don't know but he went back to the bus if you want to catch him-"
"i don't want to fucking talk to him," i scolded, which caused corbyn to curl his lips shut.
i closed my eyes, thinking of what to do. should i go talk to him? should i stay here?
"jack?"
"look i got to go, have fun," i mumbled before escaping out the door of the club, as my eyes stung from the change in light. i walked to the trashcan on the corner of the right door, dumping my drink into it. i hated drinking. i didn't even know why i was even drinking.was daniel right? was i trying to hide away my feelings? could i even possibly admit to myself that i liked him?
"jack?"
or was i just lying?
"jack c'mon you're wasted," a voice called, which i couldn't interpret.
"i'm p-perfectly fine," i replied, which didn't do much since my eyes were closing and i could tell whoever it was had picked me up. i ran my hand through whoever it was, feeling only a ring on the middle finger of the right hand. no one else wore only a single ring except corbyn which was his pointer finger on his left hand. and only one person i knew wore that.