crush | janiel

chapter seventeen

i scribbled upon another verse of words and ripped out the paper from my notebook, crumpling it up and tossing it across the room to the trash can.
"ow! what was that for?" jack replied annoyed, as i smirked trying to hide a smile.
"i was throwing my paper in the trash," i replied with a soft laugh, which caused jack to roll his eyes in my direction.
"fuck off," he mumbled to himself as he grabbed the paper and through it into the trash, adjusting his headset and picking up his controller again.
he was in an intense match with a group of his friends which included zach who was downstairs. it'd been a week since tour had finished, and the beginning of december was just rolling by. la didn't really get that cold around the time of december because of course it's la, but in 2 weeks, we wouldn't even be in california due to jingle ball. the year had basically flown by, mostly because half of it was spent touring, doing legs of uk, north america, asia, etc. it's kind of wild when you just take the moment and you sit back, seeing all of the accomplishments that you've made in a year, and i think that's just the beauty about being a songwriter, having this experience that you feel so grateful for witnessing because not everyone travels to different countries and performs show after shows. hell, zach would probably still be in school if the band had never happened.
"have you guys packed yet?" jonah's voice called, as he opened the door and i looked back down at my journal.
i hated wasting pages and ripping them out. it always hurt me seeing the hem of the book break a little because of that.
"hello?"
"sorry what did you say?" i nodded towards him as he pursed his lips. he walked over and shook jack's chair, causing him to flinch and turn around quickly.
"jonah what the fuck?!" he exclaimed as he turned back around.
"relax you jumpy bitch, i was asking if you guys have packed yet?"
i shook my head, which jack mirrored.
"we don't leave in another 2 weeks though."
"i know but you guys always forget and i always have to pack your clothes for you then like i'm your mother," jonah replied.
"but you are our mother," jack giggled, which caused me to laugh. he looked over his shoulder and showed me a smile. every time jack smiled, i felt so warm and comforted inside, because his smile was a hug, even though he was across the room from me.
"well not anymore, hurry up, and clean your room."
"this is corbyn's."
"i don't care," he called behind us, closing the door softly.
jack slid his headphones off and turned off the monitor, standing up and stretching. it was adorable seeing him do the smallest things. the way he flipped his pillow in the middle of the night for the cold side, the way he went up to the fridge to fill his water and always sipped the top part before closing the lid. the way he folded his laundry. the way he kissed me. everything was perfect about him. and i'd only have been officially dating him for now almost 2 weeks.
"move your legs," he whispered, as i sat up in a criss cross position and his face came close to mine, kissing my lips softly and lovingly. every time we kissed, it always felt like a thousands sparks were exploding around you. it was nerve wracking, but it was also the best feeling. i cupped his cheek as he sat in my lap gently, hesitantly which i found cute. jack was always so awkward about it, but i loved his awkwardness. even when we went to get groceries, he stopped me and asked me if he could hold my hand. everything that came out of jack's mouth made my heart melt. because it was always so stupidly adorable, intentionally or not. jack pulled my hair back, twirling a strand in his hand which made my cheeks burn more than they already were. every time jack kissed me, he always did quick little pecks on the rest of my face, which was super ticklish.
"jack stop!" i laughed, as he completely ignored me, giggling through the small kisses.
"jack!"
he paused for a second as he let go of the strand of hair he was twirling.
"that tickles so much you don't even know."
"yeah but it makes you laugh. and i love your laugh. that's why i do."
i stared at him fondly, as i smiled looking at the corner of the room where jack sat on corbyn's monitor. there was a glass of lemonade and a white claw next to the mouse, and the seat was on the highest setting which i didn't mention to jack that i saw because he got annoyed every time i pointed out his height. even though he literally climbed the counter to get a glass because he refused i get it for him. i wasn't paying attention as jack kissed my cheek softly, then turned around in my lap and laid down in my lap. i unfolded my legs out as jack didn't look straight up at me. but rather at the star constellations that were illuminated in the sky by corbyn's lamp.
"what?" i whispered softly as jack continued to look. he always liked to take times to think sometimes, and i liked that about him. because during those times he also gave me time to take moments in, and just reflect on how far we'd come. whether it was related to the band, our own relationship, or me as a person.
my hand massaged jack's scalp as he closed his eyes, showing a smile on his face. i rolled my eyes as i continued as messed with the little strands of hair which poked through the side of his face. his hair hadn't been done in awhile, and the blonde was slowly going away. i always loved jack's brown hair. it made him look cuter.
"jack?"
"yeah?" he replied gently, opening his eyes to look at me.
that always managed a way to stop my heart. when jack looked directly into my eyes. it could be from the closet or the furthest distance, and it would always manage to make me have butterflies. his eyes were this soft brown colour, and i loved the way the sun always made them glow like honey. his skin was also perfect, and his lips were this luscious pink colour which i loved. jack was art. and i always told him that every time i just took a moment to look at him. really look at him. he never seemed to really understand what i meant. because the last time i told him, he thought i was referring to him as a mosiac painting by picasso.
"what?" he asked again nervously, as i shook my head in an apologetic way since i'd forgot i asked him a question.
"do you know what i mean every time i call you art?" i asked, which caused jack's cheeks to go pink.
"i think it means that i'm pretty," he murmured, which made me laugh.
"what does it not?"
"partly yes, you are very pretty jack."
he continued to stare at me, not necessarily at my eyes, but he examined my face, which i found so cute.
"then tell me love, i want to know."
i looked behind and propped my back against the pillow, picking up my journal and putting it on the nightstand.
"what're you writing?"
"i can't show you," i said, which made him look upset.
"i'm sorry jack, in awhile i promise."
"can you at least tell me what 'art' means then?" he questioned, intertwining his hand with mine.
i cleared my throat as i blushed from the thought.
"art is something which is seen as something so spontaneous, not necessarily because its perfect because art is never perfect. its made up of these small imperfections and mistakes artists make along the way. but every stroke from their brush, every colour, its apart of something which makes up of something beautiful. the thing about art is that every piece of art has a different story behind it. what was going through the artist's head while painting it. a story. a dream. a personal experience. its something which is so breathtaking which leaves people in awe because its gorgeous. it's unique because artists make something that has its own meaning. its own little tale. it stands out.," i pause looking at jack.
"that's why you're like art jack. you're spontaneous and unique. you're your own person. and that's all i ever want you to be. because the person you are is the person i fell for."
there was a moment of silence as jack looked at me for another moment, before sitting up and kissing me passionatly. a tear slid down his cheek as i wiped it away, pulling away as he covered his face with his hands, sniffling softly, and taking off his glasses because the tears has fallen onto the glass.
"jack what's wrong?" i asked, scorching closer to him as he sniffled again, smiling this time.
"nothing's wrong daniel. it's everything but wrong."
"then why are you crying?" i asked worriedly.
jack moved closer into my lap, cupping both sides of my cheek with his hands. his eyes were still filled with pools of tears as he looked down, resting his forehead against mine. a tear fell onto my joggers, as i grabbed his wrists softly, pulling them down and wiping his tears with my thumbs.
"it's because i don't think anyone has ever said something that loving and caring to me."
"i haven't even told you those small meaningful 8 letters yet though jack."
"i don't need you to tell me in order for me to know," he giggled, as he looked up at me.
"it means a lot what you said daniel," he whispered.
"come here," i motioned with my hands as jack's body cradled in my lap, and his head rested in the crook of my neck. jack always smelled like those homey vanilla candles and clean laundry. and baby powder obviously.
"you're seeing lav soon aren't you?" i breathed in his hear as he nodded, clutching his body closer to mine.
it made me sad when jack didn't see her for awhile. i know how much he loved being with her. i missed her cute little smile, and the way jack spoiled all his love on her. it was my favourite thing about jack. his love. and it was something i never wanted to lose.
"i can't wait for us to see her again," he murmured softly.
us.
"me too jack," i blushed. "me too."
he pulled away a little to look back at me, as his hair was covering his eyes from being cuddled in my neck.
"but anyways, you need to get your hair dyed again," which caused jack to smile, and move his hair away from his eyes.
"yeah i just need to get the dye."
"dye? you mean bleach?" i asked.
he shook his head as it clicked to me.
"we're getting brunette you again?" i replied with a laugh as he nodded.
"yeah, and you have to help me, i suck at applying dye."
"i will i will," i said in a quiet tone.
"but for now just kiss me?"
i looked away from him, giggling at the statement.
"yeah, for now we can."