crush | janiel

chapter nine

i scribbled on top of another word as the lights that passed by since the bus was in motion flashed in my eyes, as i wrote away of everything that reminded me of jack. his hair. his laugh. his smile. his touch. it made me smile like an idiot writing all of these down but it wasn't like a bad way of feeling embarrassed of feeling what i was feeling. it was this warm feeling in my chest, a feeling which made me blush and made me nervous, and it gave me butterflies every time i caught a glimpse of the small blonde boy. everything suddenly started to just stop every time i looked at him, and it'd feel like an eternity just getting lost in the gaze and forgetting other people were there in that exact room and on this bus. i shook my head as all these thoughts flooded into my brain? was he someone i liked? liked a harmless crush? but knowing myself, i knew what i was feeling, but at the same time i questioned the fact if it was truly harmless.
"you're still up?" a voice called as i jumped a little from my seat, startling both corbyn and i.
"jesus fuck corbyn!" i whispered in a hard tone as he brought his pointer finger to his lips, shushing me.
i put down the pen next to my journal, as he looked back at the bunks one last time to see if i had woken anyone up.
"why are you even awake?"
"i could ask you the same thing," he replied, motioning his hand to the pages in my journal, as i looked back and closed it up.
"i just...got inspiration," i said casually, when inside i hoped he wouldn't ask what exactly the inspiration was for.
"in the middle of the night?" he questioned, taking out a water bottle from the fridge, and then catching it from falling since the bus was still moving.
"yeah," i replied once again flustered.
i looked back at the journal then back to corbyn who'd thankfully averted his attention to a plant sitting on the side of the table.
"does zach know its fake because he waters it everyday."
i held back a laugh, but let a little escape as corbyn smirked.
"no but don't tell him," i responded quietly as he nodded, looking at the small splash of water next to the pot where zach had probably supposedly spilled while watering the fake plant.
"we're really mean for that though."
"well it won't be harsh if he ever finds out," he laughed as he turned around.
i looked up to his sea green eyes, then to his hair which was growing back into his natural brunette colour. blonde. his hair was still blonde. blonde like jack's.
"is there something wrong?" corbyn asked as i looked back into his eyes, him messing around his hair.
"no it's just both of us really need to get our hair touched up, the roots are growing back fast."
he looked back to the kitchen mirror, pursing his lips and thinking.
"maybe i'll dye it back to brunette."
my eyes widened, since i'd never really seen corbyn with fully brunette hair since when the band formed he used to dye it himself.
"do you think it'll look bad?" he asked as i shrugged my shoulders.
"i mean, i've had pink hair and it was fucking amazing so yeah do something different," i giggled, as he nodded.
"you know i actually really liked the pink."
"yeah, but it washed out so quickly," i groaned.
it was truly one of my favourite colours, even though everyone was randomly taken by surprise when i announced it.
"that's because you take like 2 showers everyday."
"for the record i like staying clean," i scoffed as corbyn rolled his eyes and leaned back on the counter. he closed his eyes and took a few deep breathes, for which some reason looked so relaxing so i waited for him to see if he'd open up his eyes. i slowly closed my eyes, breathing along with him. it was a stressful day for all of us, since we were about to drop a new single, and with that all going on without the fans even knowing is such a hard secret to keep.
"jack taught me that."
my eyes opened quickly at his name as corbyn looked at me for awhile, then back to the ground.
"he did?"
corbyn nodded, as he shuffled his hair up once again, revealing his tired eyes.
"once when he wasn't doing well, he told me to tell him to breath, and then we both learned this like breathing pattern, and now i use it when i'm just tired of everything."
i shot him a small smile, then dropped it slowly. i hated seeing jack sad. it was one of the biggest things that broke my heart. he always felt like a burden when these certain types of things happened to him, and he'd always apologize for having them. but i never wanted him to apologize. i just wanted to hold him in those moments and tell him that everything's going to be ok.
"what's the pattern?"
he looked up to think, as there was a second pause.
"inhale for 3 seconds, hold for 2, then exhale for 3, then repeat."
i nodded as i closed my eyes, following the pattern in my brain.
inhaling.
holding.
exhaling.
i let out a deep breath and i opened my eyes.
"we both need to get some sleep," i smiled, as he nodded, walking back towards the bunks.
"i love you goodnight," he said sleepily.
"iove you too," i responded, picking up my journal and walking to my bunk.
when i opened the curtain, i froze for a second, as i saw jack, sleeping peacefully which made me blush out of happiness. it'd been a few days since he'd actually been at peace and sleeping well, because usually he'd be tossing and turning all night. his features were so perfect. from the faint freckles on his nose, to his natural pink lips. his hair was pressed down, and ruffled all in his eyes, so i couldn't see his eyelids, as i brushed away a hair, which was surprisingly curly, revealing his long beautiful eyelashes. he was asleep because he didn't move when i closed the light that was left on in the bunk, which i felt bad about for leaving on, because it probably bothered him going to sleep. i didn't question why he was sleeping in my bunk, but as soon as i shuffled my blanket next to him, his arm turned and rested on my chest. he was hugging me. if the light weren't on, or if he wasn't asleep, he would've seen the way i reacted to everything he did, because that was the thing. everything he did made me just admire him a little more and more.
"goodnight," i whispered in his ear, as i turned in his direction, resting my chin on his small head, as the bus rocked us both to sleep like 2 little kids.