Looney Toony Neighborhood

Marvelous Mexican Miracle

"Wow! It's not everyday a beautiful woman comes to my restaurant! Mi nombre es Speedy and I'll be taking care of you this evening," the waiter says in a flirty tone.
"What do you wanna eat bonita chili," you mouse says in a Mexican accent.
"No comprende mexicana rat," you reply.
"I am actually a mouse," he corrects.
"I want a large garden veggie pizza with extra pepperoni and no mushrooms," you command the waiter with a glare.
"Oh and don't forget the lemon in my water," you instruct him.
"Sí señorita diva," Speedy rolls his eyes at you and runs to the kitchen.
You look around the restaurant nonchalantly and tap your fingers on the table absentmindedly. You see a lonely coyote in the booth next to you. You feel your lips getting dry just looking at him. You take out your James Charles lipstick and reapply it, using your Jeffrey Star pallet as a compact mirror. You pucker your lips and kiss your reflection. The coyote is still staring at you with a hangdog expression.
"Um...can I help you?" You ask in a sarcastic tone.
The coyote keeps staring at you with his giant beady eyes. He licks his snout.
"The f*****ck do you want, creep?" You hiss as you are losing your patients with him.
No response.
You flip him off and pull out your iPhone 14 XR (you broke your iphone 15 and got a downgrade :(( )
You peek at him and that pervert is still staring at you. You've had enough. You stare at him with dangers warnings in your eyes and your face is hot steamy red.
"Listen you b****tch I'm not playing around. I'm gonna ask you one more time. What do you want??" You scream as you glare at him.
He stands up. He walks over to you slowly before..
"Hey! What have we discussed?? No staring at the costumers while they're waiting for food! Ughh.. aiyiyi.. perra.." the Mexican mouse screams as he punches the coyotes nose.
He slaps him and shoos him away into the back where the kitchen is.
You stare at the mouse in shock.
"Uhh.. the frick was that??" You say as you look back at the kitchen.
Speedy sighs and shakes his head in disappointment.
"Sigh.. his name is Wile E Coyote and he just got hired to be a waiter here. Although, since he's mute in all, he's not very good at taking peoples orders" Gonzales says as he looks up at you.
"Why the f**ck was he staring at me like a pervert?? I totally saw him looking at my chest" you yells and cover your jiggle bits in embarrassment.
Speedy looks shocked.
"¿Qué? I'll have a word with him about that.. but in the meantime, here is your order!" Speedy says as a smile grows on his face.
You're confused because speedy has nothing in his hands. He then zooms into the kitchen and zooms back with a blink of an eye.
"Wow! You're like sonic the hedgehog or something!" You pig squeal and clap your hands.
"Sonic?? You mean that blue roadkill? You've gotta be kidding me man! No respect.." speedy says annoyed as he rolls his eyes and runs back into the kitchen.
You then see the perverted coyote again, now in a pizza costume. You hide your laughter.
"Hey you! Get over here, pervert!" You scream.
He walks over to you, clearly having an attitude. You growl and spit in his face.
"Why were you staring at me back there??" You scream and push him aggressively.
He motions his hands.
"I don't speak your normie hand language or whatever. I want to know why you were being a creepy pedo" you yell and shriek and smack his dinky long snout.
He growls in defense and kicks you in the shin.
"SH***********T!!!" You scream and kick him where it hurts.
He howls and growls and jumps up and down in pain.
"WHAT?? WHAT IS IT??" Speedy zooms in just in time before you were about to throw the table at him.
"Señorita?? What is going on here??" Speedy looks at you and Wile E.
"He was being a jerk," you growl at the coyote like a coyote.
"Hey man what's the problem??" Speedy glares at him.
The coyote looks around frantically and quickly finds a pen and pad of paper and starts frantically writing. He then hands it to Speedy and gestures him to read it out loud.
"Lady I was just trying to tell you you had lipstick on your teeth but I couldn't find my notepad to tell you," speedy reads off the paper and looks at your teeth.
You Start blushing profusely and hurriedly rub your fingers on your teeth.
"Uhhhh...Sorry...wile e...." you apologize under your breath.
He writes another note and hands it to you.
"It's ok," it reads. You look up and Wile E. Is smiling warmly at you. You blush slightly and look over at the door as it jingles.
Just then you see an alien and a...lion? Enter the restaurant.
"Marvin Martian reporting for duty, Mr. Speedy," the alien says, saluting the mouse.
"Pete reporting for doody," he says snickering.
"Haha...doody..." he giggles loudly.
"Ok Pete you're out on deliveries again, and Marvin go wait tables," Speedy instructs.
"Ay ay," they shout in unison.
The Martian skitters over to your table first as you're chimping down on pizza.
"More water ma'am?" He asks sweetly.
Just then you see two people come into the restaurant. They look VERY familiar. Your eyes go wide as you see Elmer and his mistress walk into the restaurant holding hands. Your jaw drops in shock and you are frozen in place.
"Ma'am?" Marvin asks again, innocently.
Elmer looks over at you and smiles as he waves to you.
Sh**t, you thought. I look like a loser eating pizza all alone... you cringe and look up at your waiter. Something clicks in your mind as you do.
He looks pretty simpy...I think I can use this to my advantage...you think as you smirk.
"Oh I'd love some," you look up at him sweetly and put your hand on his. This makes Marvin immediately blush.
"A-Alright. I'll pour some for you right away,"he says, not moving his hand away from yours.
"Has anyone ever told you how handsome you are?" You ask as you curl your tingers around his.
"H-h-h-handsome???" He sputters as his face heats up.
"N-no...usually earthlings run away from me in fright," he admits sadly.
"Wow that's really surprising! I mean look at you. You're big, strong, charming, and your helmet is so...sexy," you wink at him and blow him a kiss.
He shakily puts down the pitcher of water and adjusts his collar as he's heating up even more.
"Y-you're really too kind miss..." he laughs nervously.
Then you decide to go in for the kill. You pull his hand and that causes him to fall straight onto your lips. You quickly pull away and fake a blush.
"Oops my hand slipped I'm soooooo sorry," you pout in "embarrassment".
"Oh unnm aba dadoo gagetrget whaaaaa..." Marvin babbles as his face turns 50 shades of red.
"Omg let me make it up to you!! I'll take you out for dinner if that's ok?" You ask innocently and look at him like an angel.
"O-o-o-o-oh ok..."he dizzily replies.
"Great! I'll meet up with you at the end of your shift!" You beam as Marvin nods and skitters away in a daze.
Just in time...
"Oh hi y/n...who was dat?" Elmer asks walking over to you.
"Oh Marvin? He's my boyfriend, I was visiting him during his shift," you smirk.
"Oh dats gweat y/n! I'm so happy you found somebody new," Elmer smiles warmly.
"I see you're still with Maria," you growl under your breath.
"Oh...yeah...um about dat..." Elmer starts.
You look down at his hand and see the ring around his finger. He didn't have to say anymore as you knew what he was going to say.
"You two are engaged?" You ask glaring at him.
"I'm sowwy I didn't teww ya sooner," Elmer sighs sadly.
"I just didn't wanna hurt ya y/n," he admits.
"You've already done enough," you sigh as you glare at him.
"Just leave me alone Elmer..." you say as tears start to form in your eyes.
Elmer walks away sulking and goes over to his now fiancé. You grind your teeth together and put your head down on the table in depression. You feel a tap on your shoulder. You immediately sit up and slap the mysterious hand as hard as you could, just like Sensei taught you.
"Ouch!!" You hear a familiar voice.
You look up and see the same alien guy. Alvin was it? He's rubbing his hand with pain and you see he brought you a refreshing water with a lemon.
"Omg thank you....... Alvin..?" You say as you cringe, forgetting his name.
He stares at you.
"Did you just say my name as if it were a question?" The Martian asks, looking a little hurt.
"No! I totally know your name.. buddy!" You say and elbow him in the arm.
"Which is?" The alien says kinda mad now.
There's an awkward silence.
"WHICH IS???" He repeats, now angry.
You look at him awkwardly.
"Mmmmmartainnn???" You struggle to spit out, and you cringe, almost breaking your teeth.
The Martian huffs in anger.
"Ohhh you make me so very very angry! It's MARVIN!! My name is MARVIN!!" Marvin screams and smacks his hands down on the table.
His face is even redder than it was before. He reaches behind his little skirt and pulls out.. a gun? No.. a laser gun?? Whatever it is, it doesn't look like good news. He turns it on and points it directly at you. You can see it lighting up, almost ready to fire.
"AYE AYE AYE AYE AYE!! WHAT DID WE TALK ABOUT?? NO VAPORIZING CUSTOMERS ON THE JOB!!" Again, speedy comes in just in time.
He slaps Martian in the face, making him drop his futuristic gun. He shakes his head at the martian in disappointment and shakes his finger at him.
"Hand me your gun.." Speedy says annoyed and holds out his hand for Marvin to place his gun.
The Martian male disappointedly hands over his gun.
"Now what is the meaning of this?" Speedy says, clearly annoyed at both of you.
"He was threatening to assault me because he didn't want to tell me his name!!" You lie and start to fake cry.
Speedy looks over at Marvin, very angered and slaps his wrist.
"That's not true at al-"
"SHHH!! I don't want to hear it martian, you have cleaning duty now, go clean up the throw up on booth 13, Vamos Vamos!" Speedy screams and pushes Marvin away.
Gonzales looks at you and sighs.
"Ayiyiyi.. I am so sorry for him.. how can I ever make it up to you?" Speedy says as he grabs your hand.
You look down at him in shock. But then look at the little alien again as he cleans bloody throw up off the table and seats.
"Get me his number," you ask Speedy.
"Uh....after he tried to vaporize you?" He asks confused.
"What can I say? I like me a virgin simp," you shrug.
"Okay then...gringa..." Speedy zips over to Marvin and you can see him waving his hands as he explains your request.
Marvin looks over at you, slightly confused, but then blushes as he remembers your kiss. He nods his head and then writes his number down on a piece of paper. He gives it to Speedy and Speedy runs over towards your table.
"Here," he says as he hands you the note.
You open it as it reads Marvin's phone number and a small message it's Marvin, please don't forget it on our date. I'll meet you here at 7:35pm.
You look over at the Martian and smile sweetly at him. You wuggle your fingers at him and pucker your lips. He blushes slightly at this and waves back slightly.
"Ey you crazy girl...but who am I to judge," Speedy says as he takes out a small locket and kisses it. You thought you were seeing things as it almost looks like your neighbor Bugs, cross dressing as an ugly woman. But you push the thought out of your mind.
"Quicky, can I get a to go box for this?" You ask him.
"It's Speedy," he corrects you as he sonic speeds over to get you a box and your check.
After you pay for your meal and put your pizza in the box you walk over to Elmer's table, where Maria is feeding him pizza.
"Hey you two,"you smirk at them.
"Oh hewwo again y/n. To what do I owe da pweasure?" He asks, licking the marinara off his lips. You cringe at this.
"I just wanted to wish you both a happy engagement and I hope you both have a happy marriage," you lie through your teeth.
"Fank you y/n,"Elmer beams.
"Yes thank you so much," Maria beams as well.
"Hey I have a gweat idea! Why don't you invite your wittle boyfwiend Mawvin and come to da weddin?" He asks in earnest.
"Oh uh really? I mean...wouldn't that be awkward to invite your ex? I wouldn't want to intrude." You panic.
"Nonsense! I mean we were fwiends since childhood. Even if our rewationship didn't work out, we'we stiww fwiends," Elmer assures you.
"Uuuuuuuhhhhh ummmm ok I guess?"you say in a panic.
"Gweat! We'ww send da invitation to youw new addwess!" Elmer sings as he kisses Maria.
"Yaaaaayyyy...can't wait..."you lie as you give them a thumbs up.
You rush towards the front door and to the exit. You slam the door behind you and hear an ear ripping scream. You look behind you and see the tiniest little mouse foot crunched in the door.
"AYE CARUMBA AYYYYYYE NO BUENOOOO!!!! SH*T THAT F******CKING HURT YOU ESTUPIDA GRINGA B*TCH!!!" Speedy screams  at the top of his lungs.
You hear him insulting you and you turn around to give him the bird.
"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT YOU D*CK!!!" You scream and cry as you run away.

You run into the road, almost getting hit by dozens of cars since it was traffic hours. You are crying your eyes out and you can barely see. You then hear a car horn honk and you look up with puffy red eyes.
You wipe your eye sockets and look at who honked at you. You're standing on the sidewalk and look into the car. It's a white Bugatti and the driver roles down the window. Your heart is racing and you are scared for your life. You suspect the driver to be a cereal killer.. or worse.. a clown kidnapper. You start to tear up in fear of your life. The driver rolls down the window and............... it's a chubby little pig in the drivers seat.
"H-H-Hey, (y/n)!" It's none other than porky pig.
He looks at you and his smile slowly fades away.
"W-W-Why are you crying? Something b-bothering you?" Pig asks with a worried expression.
You look away, trying to hide your tear stains. You sniffle. You then see Elmer and his fiancée climbing into a white and very expensive limousine and they both smooch. You feel a burning pain in your chest and then you scream your lungs out. You start jumping up and down and yelling and screaming. You feel like ripping your vocal cords out and you can't take it anymore. You break the car window and get into the car and strap yourself in (safety first). You look at Pinky with devil eyes and flip him off, motioning him to floor the pedal.
"Y-Y-Y/N??" Porky shrieks in shock and nervousness.
You look at the car mirror and see Elmer Fudds limo right behind Porky's car. You scream once again and grab Porky by his bow tie.
"DRIVE YOU WH*****RE!!" You pig scream and slap his face.
Porky floors it in fear for his life and speeds away, trying very hard not to crash into cars in front of him. You both are screaming your heads off and Porky is wetting the seat. But you don't care, you just want to get away from Elmer Fudge.
Eventually, Pinky Pig crashes into a streetlight, which stops the car. It turns out you both made it in your neighborhood.
Both of your hearts are racing and you both suffered from a slight heart attack. You have both your hands over your fast beating heart. You exhale and look over at Hammy the Pig.
"Omg.. that was a close one.." you sigh and look at him worriedly.
He still looks frightened. You then smell the stench of urin and that was your sign to leave.
"Uhh porky..? I think I'm gonna go now.." you say as you start to unbuckle.
Porkys colors then immediately come back to him and snaps out of his trance. He shakes his head.
"I-I-I-I just saw my whole life flash before my eyes.." he says as he lets out a large exhale.
You slightly giggle.
"Same.. so lucky the cops didn't show up.. well I'm outta here, see ya" you say and open the car door, with the window still shattered.
"W-W-Wait! This is my h-home. You know what? W-Why don't you go inside and I'll make you some tea. I-I-I still need to recover from this.. so g-give me a sec.." he sighs as he feels his heart still pounding.
You shrug as you have nothing better to do, so you gladly go inside. As soon as you close the door to Porkys hous, you hear a bunch of police sirens driving into the neighborhood and into this street. You just shrug it off though, since you think they're just passing by. You hear screams from Porky outside but you walk in and sit down on his comfy leather recliner, still thinking about earlier.
You couldn't believe that Elmer is engaged to the woman he cheated on you with. And not to mention, invite you to the wedding. You think back on all the memories you had with him. You both met in kindergarten through your moms and became instant friends. You were together through thick and thin, you laughed together, you cried together, you shared all of your firsts with him. But he betrayed you, he damaged your friendship forever. Tears start falling down your cheeks as you start to sob loudly. You can still hear Porky screaming but you didn't care. You go over to his fridge and raid it for comfort food. You see he has a bunch of fancy food in his fridge and you take as much as you can in your skinny little arms. You walk over to his couch and start stuffing your face as you watch reruns of Tit for Tat.

To be continued........