sarah paulson (characters) imagines.

painful temptations. (2)

trigger (or content) warnings: self harm and (slight) alcohol.

*note: this is part two of the last chapter, and will be in my pov. if you or anyone you know needs help/are in a similar situation, please help them*

*part 2 of 2*

[character: billie dean howard]

after we both walked inside and bil locked the door, she showed me to my room. "my room is right down the hall. the bathroom is right over there." she points to a door in my room. "if you need anything, come to me." she said softly, and kissed my temple.

once she walked out, i shut and locked my door. i slid down against the back crying about what happened earlier. i stood up slowly, to make sure i didn't faint from my very obvious iron deficiency.

i tiptoed to the bathroom, grabbing my crimson blade to "fix" my problems. yes, i know it never did solve them, but it "eased" some of my pain.

i shut the door behind me, completely forgetting not to lock it behind me. i sat in the tub and cried for what felt like years.

after what i assume was maybe 5-10 minutes, i rolled my sleeve up and cut three spots on my left wrist. i made sure to put one of them between an old scar and the other two near my hand.

a spot i had never touched, and thought i never would.. i cried for another 3 minutes, just letting the blood flow. i got up slowly, making sure once again that i wouldn't faint.

it took me about 3 minutes to stand up fully, but i didn't mind it. what can i say, i'm used to it after all. i stood by the sink, grabbing some bandages i barely noticed from the cabinet a few inches above me.

i wrapped up my cuts that were bleeding.. not too much, but enough to knock me out for a little bit. nothing too fatal though, i promise.

i walked downstairs to get a glass of water, when i noticed bil sitting at the kitchen table just typing away. no clue to what she was typing, but it wasn't my business either way.

i grabbed a glass cup, and slowly filled it with water. i slipped a bit of vodka in my water. just enough to sooth my nerves for the time being.

i was walking back to my room when i felt a pair of hands on my hips whirling me around. "what did you do, delia?" she said menacingly. "i didn't do anything. why are you asking?" i said stone-faced.

"i smell vodka in your breath, why the FUCK are you drinking?" she said angrily. "it helps, that's all." i said ripping her hands off me so i can walk back to my room.

before i could even know it, i was whipped around once again. now i was pinned to the wall. did it make me blush a little? yeah, but that's besides the point here.

"you done more than slip vodka into your drink, cordelia." she basically growled at me, honestly. "you want to know what i did? hm?" i said acting shocked.

"just pull my left sleeve down, it's not that hard." i said trying to act tough, but my tears were just practically begging to fall. with those simple words, she rolled down my sleeve and immediately frowned upon what she saw.

i'll admit i felt bad about it, but it wasn't like i could just say i slit my wrist. bil, being the sweet angel she is, picked me up bridal style, scolding me with each step. she's done this several times, i'll admit it.

nonetheless, i still loved her. she was like my girlfriend without even trying to be. she sat me on the sink and proceeded to clean my cuts.

soon enough, she was done. after she was, she kissed each one more delicate and gentler than the last. she looked up at me with big puppy dog eyes and said softly, "you must stop doing this, baby. i cant lose you."

at that point we were both crying, which i didn't blame her for. "i'm sorry bil, seriously. i didn't really think you'd find out." i chuckled softly yet it sounded so broken.

"thank you for being my friend, bil. i love you so, so much." i said hugging her tightly. "i love you more, delia. i always will" she said hugging me back.

an: WOAH i got offered a chance to put my stories on a different app and possibly earn MONEY??? idk if i'll do it, but eh. i'm also rated #93 on americanhorrorstory out of over a THOUSAND other stories!!! thank you for reading this, everyone. ik i didn't make it happier but i'm going through a rough patch and i manifested it into a story, i'm sorry. but happy new year!!