sarah paulson (characters) imagines.

wounded.

trigger (or content) warning: panic attack, self harm, and intrusive thoughts.

*note: if you or anyone seems to be/currently are struggling with self harm, help them. i will be writing as if you, the reader, wrote this chapter. this was suggested by deliasmisty & @alciner*

[character: wilhemina venable]

"just do it you coward!! you're so fucking worthless you filthy whore!!" the thoughts screamed. god, did i hate them so much. they started when i was around 8... i think. i'm not super sure..

backstory:

i had a terrible childhood, which i won't get into. that's when it started. it started out small, nothing too large, that is.

upon me entering middle school, that's when it had gotten much worse. from all the bullying, stress, etc. i was in horrible shape, but i pretended i was fine.

that's when i met her. oh how did she make me smile. she was the only person who understood me for once, which was surprising. no one really wanted to talk to me.

especially when i was outed by a girl named amanda. amanda ruined my life and was the biggest bully to me.

thankfully, there was someone who would actually stop her from bullying me. someone who i didn't know.. i knew almost everyone and their secrets since i never talked to anyone so i'd ease drop.

i knew everything about everyone, pretty much. except one person. wilhemina venable. the smartest, rudest, yet so quiet student. no one dared to ever speak to her. it was like... she owned them? but she also didn't. 

end of backstory

my panic attacks were always bad, sadly. but this one was worse. way, way worse. i was sitting in the bathroom while mina was at work, she knew i had a troubled past. i'm not even sure she saw my scars.

yeah, we shower together a lot but i don't know if she's seen them.. i'm much shorter than her so i doubt she has.

the pain i felt was so overwhelming. i looked to my left and saw it. i grabbed the blade and cut some places on my wrists and thighs.

all i could do was lay there and cry. 3 years down the drain. 3 whole fucking years.

by now i was a sobbing mess. i knew mina was super busy, but i needed to call her. no matter how much of a burden i felt.

i picked up my phone and dialed mina's number, "pick up.. pick up" i sobbed. "darling, i'm a bit busy, are you okay?" she asks worried. "u-uhm.. n-no.." i mumbled.

"baby, i'm coming home right now. stay put, but please stay on the phone." she said, i could hear her cane tapping quickly as she was leaving her workplace. "o-okay..." i said choking on my tears.

"look, whatever happened, i'm not mad. i love you, we will get through this." she said trying to make me feel better over the phone.

time skip: 10 minutes

mina and i were still on the phone when i heard her unlocking the door. "it's just me, love. it's okay." she said to me over the phone. "you can hang up now, i'm coming." and with that, i hung up.

when mina opened the door, i could see her heart shatter. it's my fault. i'm so stupid. i should've cut deeper and ended it all.

"you're okay, you're safe, babydoll" she said wiping my tears as she slowly sat down on the floor. she had grabbed her first aid kit and started to clean my cuts, which hurt a lot.

with what felt like forever in an uncomfortable silence, mina spoke, "stand up slowly baby. let's get you to bed" she said standing up slowly and offering me her hand. i reluctantly took it in mine snd stood up.

i looked down completely ashamed, when i felt my head being picked up as if it had fallen onto the ground. "i love you." mina said planting kisses all over my face, making me smile.

"don't ever be ashamed of yourself, i love you." she said as she tucked me into our bed.

an: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG IVE NEVER TAKEN THIS LONG TO WRITE?! i've gotten some more inspiration and i might start another book with other characters but idk!!! lmk if i should. THANK U FOR THIS REQUEST!! i hope u like it🥺