No Love Lost

chapter eight

Eli's POV

"Can we talk?" Jason asked. I was speechless.

"Do you want me to wait up?" Chambers asked, as Jason eyes him up and down.

"I'm good, Chambs. My house is right here." I told him.

"Alright," he said, shifting his eyes from Jason to me, his lips curved into a smile, "have a good night." He said before giving me a tight hug.

I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. Not because of Chambers, but because Jason was standing right there watching. I watched Chambers walk a good distance before turning back to face Jason.

"Are you two fucking or something?" Jason asked. I never whipped my head around so fast before.

"Why the hell would you ask that?" I spat out.

"It's just a question." He scoffed.

"A pretty personal question, that you probably don't even want the answer to. Since I'm such a faggot, right?" Jason kept quiet.

There was nothing he could say to that. When our friendship was completely severed earlier in high school, and rumours (that weren't really rumours) were circulating about me, the people he hung out with would call me the worst shit they could think of, and he'd just go along with it. Then, sometime during our second year of high school, rumours were circulating about me hooking up with someone from Mountebank high, a school on the other side of town. I guess the guy I hooked up with told one of the guys on our schools football team, and obviously they relayed the information. The homophobes on the school team made sure to take the chance to try and bully me about it.
Later that day, Jason came over to ask if it was true, and though I was kind of ashamed, especially since we were no longer friends, I still told him yes. He said he'd handle it, which I guess he did cause the rumors stopped. I guess it was only okay when he called me a homophobic slur. Such a hypocrite.

"What did you wanna talk about?" I asked.

"Lucas told me he talked to you today." He said.

"Yeah, so?" I responded.

"I guess you could say he talked some reason into me, so I figured I should say my piece too." He spoke.

"No thanks. I'm good on that." I said, walking towards my front door. He pulled my arm back.

"Are you not gonna let me say what I have to say?" He asked.

"What's that gonna do for me? Give me clarity?" I scoffed.

"Why are you always so difficult?" He huffed out.

"Fuck you. You didn't give me a chance, so I'm not gonna give you one." I said, snatching my arm back.

"Seriously?" He said, taking a step back.

"What? Don't tell me you're hurt, a big bad guy like you?" I spat.
"You know- I would have done anything for you! I would have given you the clothes off my back if you needed it, because I know you would have done the same for me!" I shouted, "or at least I thought you would..." I said lowly.

"Come on, Eli. Don't be like that." He said. He tried to make eye contact, but every time his eyes met mine, he looked away.
"What do you want me to say, Eli?" He asked calmly.

"At this point? Nothing at all." I said, mimicking his tone.

"I'm fucked up, Eli! I can admit that... I see how I hurt the people around me. You most importantly." He spoke. I scoffed at his words.
"You were right before. You were the only one there for me, and I didn't extend the same courtesy. I can't tell you why." He spoke.

"You can't or you won't?" I asked, but he didn't respond.
It took everything in me to stay where I was and not run up to him and hug him, and tell him I forgive him. He's hurting, I can hear it in his voice. As I predicted, he's got other shit going on but I don't think I wanna get myself tangled up in his world when I'm still trying to fix mine.

"Goodnight Jason." I said calmly before turning away.

I rushed inside and pressed my back against the door, trying my best to steady my breathing as a single tear slid down my cheek. Though I'm feeling extremely emotional right now, I am relieved. Relieved that I had the strength to not let him slide back into my life so easily. But there was also a part of me that wanted to listen to what he had to say, and just forgive him, and embrace him in a warm hug. But if I did that I would be betraying the other part of me that is healing, getting ready for the real world and refuses to put up with anyone's bullshit.
I let out a sigh, and dragged myself up to my room. Throwing my jacket on the armchair in the corner in my room, next to the vanity. I stripped down, and ran a hot bath, in the attached bathroom. A perfect way to end the night, and clear my head.

—

I crawled into bed after my bath, getting cozy. I checked my phone to see a text from Chambers.

Chambers:
"Hey, I'm just checking to see if everything went okay with you know who."

Me:
"Yeah, I'm good. No need to worry."

Chambers:
"Did you still want a ride to school tomorrow?"

Me:
"Yeah, for sure. I'm about to pass out so goodnight."

Chambers:
"Sleep well ;)"

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