Serendipity (KakaIru Yaoi Fanfic)

1.Merry Go Round

IRUKA UMINO

December raining night.

The report said a low pressure area was detected but the city was almost in flood. The streets during day and tonight aren't as bustling as it always would be. It wasn't a strong windy rain but it never stops to fall. I walk my way home through the sky walk since I find it hard to call for a cab.

In front of my apartment.
The lights are off inside so I'd concluded that he isn't home...

I look at my watch and saw it's almost midnight.

Where is he now?

That fifteen minutes walk got me trembling from the heavy coldness of the nonstop rain. I immediately went inside, put my umbrella and wet boots in the side together with my coat in the laundry bag.

From the darkness, I clamped to the wall of the narrowed hallway directing to the living room of my apartment.

Blindly and slowly walking to the dark until I flinched from hearing gasps.

Frozen. I felt like a bucket of cold water was splashed onto me. I covered my mouth, stilling myself. I prevent to say anything nor move an inch.

I heard it clearly. The sound of gasps and moans of two people while the sofa manifested a light creaking noise.
They are making out.

" Leave... .. " 
I uttered with all the courage and force I could muster but all from the pain and heaviness of my heart, I had uttered it softly yet I'm glad to have not a broken voice. I can't have him noticed that it hurts, that it pains me more than he could imagine.

Not expecting for a reply, I hurriedly entered my room which is already close to me after I recognized them. I heard a scrabbling noise and not for long as it subsided. Silence reigned.

My wholesome fell immediately to the floor after I entered my room. My tears won't cease from flooding. My heart was likely clenched by huge and ruthless hands, preventing me to breathe. I covered my mouth, not letting some sounds of crying to resonate.

No, I can't let him know that it hurts like hell, I'd rather die. I won't make a sound. I won't let him know, I'll preserve what little pride I have.

" Hey, you didn't told me that you're living with someone here! I'm glad he didn't turn the lights on or it'll be so embarrassing! Hahaha~ well then, see ya next time Kakashi~  "
Hearing the playful voice of a woman added more misery to my crumbling heart.

I hugged myself from the coldness, my heart was void of nothing but pain.

But even afterall that repeated infidelity, I still can't bring myself to let him go...

I love him stupidly.

We are living together for three years.
We are happy at first, we overcome the ups and downs of our relationship until to the second year, I became a coward and lost all of my hope. I cling unto him like he was the only reason I have...

I realized late but our relationship turned out awful for the both of us, it was my fault.

Everyday after that, I prepare myself to the scenario that he may come to me and tell me to break up with him but until now, unfortunately he still didn't bring the matter up. And I wish solely from above that he'll never do it...
I cling to the little hope that he's staying with me out of his little respect for me, that he's only waiting for me to be the one to let him go.

And I can't. I just cant.

This transition of our relationship has  been going on for years.
To see someone you love make love with someone else. I lost count of the times how I caught him flirting and making out with anyone.

I wanna thrash everything, shout to his face and ask him why he's done that to me, I would do that if I know too well that I'm not at fault, that I didn't gave him reasons to do that.

Who am I to question him?
I don't even know if he still has atleast a little bit of love towards me.

He's love was gone.
My heart clenched more tightly from the thoughts.
It's hard to breathe...

..............................

(TBC)