Serendipity (KakaIru Yaoi Fanfic)

5.Merry Go Round

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Two years ago.

Katoka visited Iruka in his apartment.

" Where's Kakashi? "

" On his shift. "
Iruka answered as he sat down in his bed.

" Seriously?? When your ill and alone here? "

" Hahaha no, Katoka. You know, I had a hard time almost pushing him to the front door so that he'll go to work. He's really not leaving but I'm already almost fine. He's been absent from his work for three days and he'd asked his co-workers to save his shifts, he's been troubling other people and I can't allow him to look bad at his peers in his workplace any further. "

"Well~ that Kakashi, I know he's gonna prioritize you over everything. So how does it feel to be loved so much, Iruka??"
Katoka teased and Iruka only smiled then replied.

" Should you get yourself a partner already? "

" Nahhh~ it's not easy as picking flowers~ "

" Hahaha~ well-----*coughs* -*coughs*"

" Hey, are you okay, Iruka? You're coughing hard."

" Ah yes, I'm fine. It's just a cough----"
Iruka was stopped from talking after looking at his hand which he used to cover his mouth from coughing.

There's blood. He just coughed blood.
Katoka noticed the drained expression of Iruka after looking at his hand so she without hesitation, quickly grabbed Iruka's wrist to see what was Iruka looking at his hand.

Terrified. Katoka's eyes widened from the shocked. She saw a mouthful of blood in Iruka's trembling hand.

" W-What..."

Iruka's eyes blurred, he's about to cry from confusion and fear. It's the first time he coughed out some blood.

Without further ado and they immediately went to the hospital for a check up.

" Katoka... I'm afraid.."

" Calm down Iruka. It's a must that we have to check you up, ok? "

Meanwhile...

The doctor came out from the laboratory and lead Iruka to another room.

" Are you the patient's relative? "

" Yes Doc, where's Iruka??"

" We have him transferred here to a patient's room because he's fallen asleep from nervousness during the examination. "

" Is that so, Doc. Then can I know the results from the check up?"

"The patient has Hypertrophic CardioMyopathy, it's a heart diesease. We found some irregularities in the muscles of his heart. "

" W-What? Are you sure Doc?? "

"Yes. We have it examine few times. "

" But it is the first time he fell ill this badly. Iruka is a healthy person."

" It is because this type of heart disease doesn't much show it's  symptoms. The person may look fine outside but without its conscious,  the heart is actually slowly weakening from its irregularities. This illness could have been there for years already, its just the symptoms are showing now. That's how the HCM works. He could have been experiencing some chest pain and arrythmia recently but with some relaxation and medicines it'll go away. He may thought that was just some slight pain caused by work and stress but that's already the HCM symptoms. "

Katoka covered his mouth from too much aghast and astonished. She was rendered speechless until the Doctor bid farewell and went out of the room.

She approached Iruka who's sleeping soundly in the bed. She sat beside the bed with a sad countenance. She's been contemplating how to explain the results to Iruka.

Iruka's eyes fluttered opened,

" ... So I'm dying.."

" Iruka! What are you saying!?!"

" I was awake the moment you two entered the room. "

" You h-heard.."

" Yes. "

" Katoka, please promise me that you'll never tell this to Kakashi..."
Iruka added,

" But should he know? "

" N-No. I'm afraid. "

" Of what?? "

" Of everything. I can't bear to see nor know what will be his reaction. What if he decide to leave me? What if he conclude that since I'm in this condition... he'll realize that it's a waste to stay with me?.. "

" Aren't you taking lightly of Kakashi's feelings for you? He would never leave you Iruka! "

" I'm not sure about that, now that I'm close to dying! So p-please no. Don't tell Kakashi about this...please..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was so selfish.
My insecurities made me decided from that time, I begged people out of my selfishness and conveniences.

I was so taken aback by my condition, I forgot everything even Kakashi's love for me. My fears had swallowed me and before I realized, I had utterly ruined our relationship. I don't know how to face or smile in front of Kakashi anymore with the fact that I'm hiding my condition from him. I'm lying to him. I turned out cold, he's been asking before on what was really bothering me---us. He knew something was wrong but I was so stubborn to open it up, I was blindly conquered with the possibility that Kakashi might leave me as well as...

Seeing him hurt that I've had this condition. It was like an insult. He took care of me ever since highschool, he spoiled me, showered me with all of his love. I know I have given him so little in return and if I tell him about it, I can't imagine what reaction would he bear. I don't want to share this burden with him...

I don't want to hurt him.

Ah, but what am I doing now?
Nothing. I've got worse because I  thought I could act natural in front of him but no. I was so stupid this whole time. I've been making everything this hard for Kakashi...

I gave him reasons to cheat on me.
I gave him reasons to hurt me, sometimes I ...thought that ...dying is better. But even so, after all the quarrels, infidelities and silence... I still find myself waking up securely locked by a pair of arms----his sole existence that never once tried to leave me.

Why haven't I seen it?
Why have I become so blind til now, forgetting that he's been here with me staying, apart from all the coldness I gave to him. 
Why ...so stupid Iruka..?!

I stopped from walking and immediately wipe my tears. I was on my way back home-----to him.

I don't want to cry anymore. I won't suppressed everything anymore.

Not too faraway from my sight but I see two people standing in front of my apartment. I'm walking closer and realized it's Kakashi and a woman, whom I don't know.

" I told you, stop coming here. "

" But you won't meet me again! "

" I really wont meet you again. I told you many times! "

" But ----"

" Go away. My partner could be here now. "

" Can you just ditch him!? Didn't you said he's been so cold to you?"

" Not for long, I believe."

" Really? Stop wasting time on people -----"

"Can you shut your mouth and piss off? "
And I pulled Kakashi to me, away from the woman.
I measured look with the woman until she knitted her brows, clicked her tongue and walk away eventually.

.........................

(TBC)