SCENE II: No Time For Tea
(She keeps walking until she hears a familiar voice. It is DODO talking to an unknown stranger. He is wearing his suit, and neckerchief and a powdered wig to top it all off.)
DODO:
Why just the other day..
ALICE:
Nope! If I stop to talk to him now, I'll never be out of here.
(ALICE tries to quietly pass by DODO without being heard or seen. She is almost away until she steps on a twig making a loud cracking noise. DODO turns around to find ALICE behind him.)
DODO:
Ah young Lady! Welcome! Welcome! You're just in time for a round in the Jolly Caucus Race!
ALICE:
I don't have time for fun and games Mr. Dodo. Now if you'll excuse me I'll be on my way.
DODO:
Just a moment! Before you go, do you have a match? The fire in my bloody pipe has went out again!
ALICE:
No, I don't. I'm sorry. (ALICE leaves )
DODO:
No cooperation at all!
(She walks a little farther until she hears yet another voice that sounds oddly familiar to THE CHESHIRE CAT'S)
THOMAS:
Alice!
ALICE:
(She stops) Now what do you suppose he wants now?
(She walks back to find THE CHESHIRE CAT humming to himself.)
ALICE:
Well?
CHESHIRE:
Well what?
ALICE:
But didn't you just call my name?
CHESHIRE:
Of course not! I was busy practicing a harmony. It's a trio as a matter of fact! Composed by me, myself and I!
ALICE:
I know you called my name!
CHESHIRE:
No I didn't.
ALICE:
Oh really? Then who was it?
THE CHESHIRE CAT:
Well it most certainly was not me!
(ALICE hears a woman's voice calling out nearby. It is THE DUTCHESS, who is the owner of THE CHESHIRE CAT. She is a very unattractive, and very heavy set woman. The smell of her body odor causes ALICE to gag, trying her best to hide it to keep polite.)
THE DUTCHESS: (to THE CHESHIRE CAT)
There you are! Come along! We're late for tea and crumpets!
(She scoops the CHESHIRE CAT into her arms, and carries him away, back to her cottage. ALICE, being young, adventurous and curious, decides against her more better judgement to follow them. We arrive at the cottage.. It is very small, and very unwell kept. There is smoke coming out from the chimney and ALICE is able to smell ham being cooked on the racks.)
ALICE:
I had better get a closer look! I'm sure they won't mind at all! After all, I've yet to find one person here who does!
(ALICE inches closer, trying to keep undetected. She peeks into the opened window and looks around at the filth inside of the home. Flies are swarming old food that is yet to be thrown away.)
ALICE:
(to herself) Ugh! How anyone could stand to live in this filth is beyond me!
(Suddenly, the door opens, and THE DUTCHESS walks out to get more firewood, just outside the house. ALICE quickly ducks out of sight. She is unaware that THE CHESHIRE CAT is laying on top of the windowsill watching her.)
THE CHESHIRE CAT:
You know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Cat!" Well it's nice to see some things never change!
(ALICE seems to jump out of her skin and lets out a slight scream.)
YOU ARE READING
Alice's Return to Wonderland
Fantasyfor a woman who gives herself good advice, she never follows it. This time, in her Returning trip to Wonderland, she finds herself caught in the middle of something more mad than she could possibly imagine. The Mad Hatter and March Hare are pending...
