August

day thirty-one | you weren't mine to lose

 Camila tries to hold back her tears as she rests her head on Shawn’s chest and his arms are wrapped around her. They hold each other so tight she can barely breathe, not caring if they have a small audience composed by Shawn’s friends, Taylor and Carlos standing a few feet away from them in the crowded airport. She takes in his familiar scent and tries to memorize what it’s like to be held by him since they won’t be seeing each other for a long time after he gets into his flight back to Connecticut.

 Shawn lifts her head and cups her face with his hands, their eyes locking as they both know the next few months will be challenging for their love. They’ll text, call and facetime all the time as they already talked about, but she knows nothing will ever come close to be able to touch him like she’s doing in this exact moment. He touches their foreheads and that’s when she lets the first tears escape her eyes, his hands swiping it away from her cheeks immediately.

 “ Don’t cry, baby.” Shawn whispers before kissing her lips. “ If you cry, then I’ll cry too.”

 “ I’m sorry.” Camila chokes out as she loses control over the tears that are now rolling down her face without her permission. She’s ungly crying in a matter of seconds as he holds her and rubs his hand up and down her back. They catch the attention of some people walking by, looking at them sympathetically just like their friends are doing.

 A woman’s voice announces their flight through the airport speakers and they finally let go of each other. They had already said their “I love you’s” early that morning and with the way they were both feeling right now, it would be better to leave it like that. Shawn had just as many tears in his eyes and she wanted nothing more than to make his pain go away, even though that was not possible.

 Camila watches as Shawn takes his suitcase in one hand, a black duffel bag already hanging on his shoulder as he kisses her lips one last time. Her eyes follow him as he walks away with his friends, Taylor and Carlos stepping next to her. Her best friend places a hand on her shoulder to comfort her, but Camila takes a step forward and realizes she can’t let him go just yet.

 “ Shawn!” Her voice sounds muffled in such a crowded place, but he stops the second his name leaves her mouth.

 He slowly turns around to look at her and Camila starts making her way towards him, jumping into his arms one last time before he goes away for good. Shawn catches her just in time, letting his bag and suitcase on the floor as she wraps her legs around his torso and kisses him passionately in front of the huge crowd of people. He kisses her back with the same amount of desperation, only pulling away from her lips when their flight is announced again.

 “ I love you son much.” Camila says out loud. “ I couldn’t let you go without telling you again.”

 “ You didn’t need to. I know you do.” He places her back on the ground, kissing her lips again before whispering the next words. “ It’s really cliche that we're doing this in an airport and I know we haven’t known each other for that long and that we’re still really young, but you’re it for me, Camila. I love you with everything I have.”

 They share one last kiss before Shawn finally walks away, a kiss that will be forever engraved in her mind. It conceived every little fear and hope they had when it came to their future and what might happen next.

 Camila stands there as people pass her by, watching him disappear once he and his three friends step out of the escalator. He’s gone and she feels like he took not only a portion of her heart with him, but her whole being. Neither Taylor nor Carlos approach her, both of them knowing she needs some space to process Shawn’s departure.

 She lets a few more tears fall from her eyes as she stares at the space he disappeared just a few minutes ago. She never thought she would be capable of holding such a strong feeling for anyone, especially not for a boy she met almost a month ago. It’s insane for her to think they had only been together for that small portion of time, because in her heart she felt she knew him her whole life. She can only hope she gets to share with him the next years of her life, because there’s nothing she wants more than to spend a lifetime with him next to her.

 Her hands move up to her face and she swipes away all of her tears, taking a deep breath before taking her phone in her back pocket and texting Shawn. She knows he’ll only see it when he lands, but she wants to be the first thought in his mind when he finally checks his phone. Looking up at the ceiling, Camila smiles before turning away and walking to where her brother and best friend are, knowing she has a long year ahead of her, but determined to make it work so she can be with him in Yale in the next year.