The stars were a warning

18th July

Love makes you appear like you can do anything. To be completely honest, I didn't think it existed, I had been in relationships before, I received love before, but it never fitted right.

The awkwardness was driving me insane. We all sat in the living room; me, Tom, Daniel, Jas, and Madison. 505 was playing from the TV speaker and although it was weird, I found peace in the silence. Jas was sitting in the corner, no one had a clue about what had happened between us the previous day, not even Tom. I mean, is there any reason for them to know? What if Jas changed their mind, and she doesn't think the same? The last thing I want to do is make a fool out of myself.

She is so perfect; my eyes involuntarily wandered in her direction often. Maybe I can catch a smile, or a glance back.

We had finally all warmed up to each other and tolerated each others company, but by that time came it was around 10pm and people started to leave. They left one by one, with a simple hug and a goodbye. 5 people, 4 people, 3 people. Me, Daniel and Jas stayed the night. I was clueless with what to do next. We were running low on alcohol and weed, we had no cigarettes left, back to awkward silence.

What to do. Think. I had the perfect idea.

After explaining the plan, we all rushed to our feet to prepare everything we needed; blankets, lights off, TV loud, money, chargers, and phones. Horror movie time!!! We were way too fucked up to make food, last time me and Daniel tried we burned a whole pizza, so we learned the hard way that take away is the best option.

Jas was sitting on the chair next to me, she was clearly scared of the movie, it was cute. They were sitting on a circular chair that spun around, it was placed next to the corner sofa which was where me and Daniel were sitting. I wanted to sit next to her, hold them close, why did I want this so bad? As i said before, I'm a rule breaker. I take chances no matter what the outcome, if I get hurt, I get hurt. I can be a pussy, but I figure out a way around my fears. At the end of the day, the worst that can happen is she says no, then I move on. I typed the message out so carefully, I didn't want to come across too forward, but I also wanted to appear confident. Fuck. Shit. Why am I so bad at this?

"Come sit next..." No. Delete.
"Lonely over there?" No. Delete.
"Do you want to come and sit next to me?"

Fuck it. Send.

I was aware of my heart pounding in my chest, desperately trying to escape, leaving damage to my rib cage, cracks and bruises. Why did I do that? Why did I send the message? I'm so-

"Yes"
She said yes.

I was tired, but I was safe with them in my arms. I didn't want to move, but we couldn't all sleep on the sofa. My spine was a twig and it was about to snap.

Wow she looks so perfect.

It reached 7am, and i was slowly starting to doze off, the jump scares from the movie were the only thing keeping my eyes open. Daniel had fallen asleep, Jas was watching the movie, she resembled tiredness. There was a double bed upstairs, I had to escape to sofa I was chained to and give my back a rest, alone, or with her. I asked if she was okay, she examined me with her eyes drifting away into a land of rest, "yeah, tired" she mumbled mid way through yawning. I gave her the choice; I didn't know what to expect, I don't think I expected anything, I wanted them to be comfortable and safe. I looked at her and admired their angelic features. "You can sleep on the sofa or in the double bed with me, I'm going to go up now though because I'm kind of sleepy". I stood up and it felt like electric sparks were rushing through my body, I struggled to keep my balance, so I stumbled my way blindly over to the door, pushed myself up the stairs and onto the bed. Much better. As I'm taking my shoes of..
..there she is.

They welcomed me with a smile and a glance. I placed the duvet over us, and she placed their head on my chest, which made my heart beat faster. I cant sleep in silence. I moved my hand gently from their hair which I was intertwining my fingers with and reached for my phone and played some music. She looked at me and smiled.

She smiled at me.

Our insecurities can look like perfections to other people, I think that's beautiful. " I want to take my jumper off, it's too hot." She said before swiftly sitting up and releasing a deep sigh. "Are you okay?" I whispered whilst aligning my body with theirs. Our insecurities can make us experience discomfort, feel ugly and out of place. She hesitantly took off their jumper and revealed a tank top. The look in their eyes, she looked scared, I didn't want them to be scared. I didn't expect them to open up, not so soon, but I had to ask if she was okay anyway. Usually, I can relate to peoples issue and figure out a way to help them, but this time I couldn't. One of their insecurities had just been revealed to me and I didn't even know it, acne. But it was so beautiful to me, she was so beautiful to me. It made them perfect. I placed my lips against it and kissed softly.

Their insecurities are their perfections to me.