Best Friends Forever

Forever Doesn't Last

Every morning I relieve that horrific day when I roll over to talk to Zoey. Every morning I'm greeted by her empty bed and silence. I roll over and grab my phone checking the time. As soon as I grab it a notification pops up from my calendar "Zoey's funeral- All Day". Thanks phone, I didn't need a reminder. No one wants to say goodbye to a loved one for the final time, watch them be loaded into a herse, then lowered in the ground. I roll out of my bed and onto the floor. I don't want to get up, but I have to. I don't want to face today. I stand up and stroll over to the bathroom.

I look in the mirror one last time. Part of my hair is pulled back in a twisted crown braid. The rest is wavy, falling around my shoulders. I make my way out the door grabbing my keys on the way out. I tear up a little as I see the picture of the two of us dangling off my keychain. When friends become family still written on the back just a little faded.

On the drive to the funeral home, I hear a loud bang. Suddenly I'm back in the corner of that room. He's standing there, holding Zoey tight in a chokehold. The gun resting on her temple. I'm ripped back to the road when I hear a short honk behind me. I pull over to the shoulder of the road.

"It's ok, your ok. It was just someone's tire that blew out. It's ok" I tell myself this over and over but I'm still shaking, still screaming and crying. "It's ok." I'm brought back to the God awful memory. "Your ok." I pull myself back together, wiping the tears. It's ok, I'm ok.

As I walk in the funeral home doors I can't help but feel overwhelmed. I hold my breath as I stroll in the doors and sign the guest book. I walk into the next room where some of Zoey's things are laid out as if they are in a museum. Her trombone is on it's stand in the corner by her music stand. Her solo piece still sitting on the music stand. It was a gorgeous piece and she played it beautifully. I bet she would have gone to state with that piece. I sit down and watch the slideshow for a while. I can't help but give a small smile as a video of her walking down the hallway dressed as a colorful fairy princess. I stand up as the slideshow restarts and head into the main room. Her casket sits against a wall made of screens that has little music notes on it. There are wreaths, flowers, and other plants surrounding her casket. The flowers that sit on her casket has little ribbons sticking out. Daughter, sister, student, best friend." My lungs burn a little as I fight back tears. I thought that seeing all this yesterday would make it easier today, but it didn't. My heart races as I look down at her. On the inside of the casket, there's a small plaque with a quote from her wall. "Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments in your life. Keep going. Tough situations build strong people in the end." I found it fitting given all she's overcome. I take my seat in the front row as people trickle in. It amazes me how many people showed up. Band members, along with a few teachers, neighbors, and even a few of her parent's friends. Each one tells me they are sorry as they shake my hand or hug me. I try to shove the emotions down, trying to give off a strong front. I squeeze every muscle to make it go away. It just won't leave me alone. I'm drowning. My lungs are burning again as I try not to scream. It's ok. I'm ok. Just as I pull myself together again the pastor stands up to start the service.

"Ladies and gentlemen we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Zoey Smith. A junior at Lakeview High, a National Honor Society member, and a proud trombone player. Zoey died at LHS on November 16th at 11:43 am. She was preceded in death by her parents Amy and John Smith, as well as her older brother Jackson Smith. She is survived by her best friend Olivia Johnson who was like family to her. At this time Olivia has something she would like to share."

I step up by Zoey's body, glance at her, then look at the audience. I pull out a piece of paper that I wrote my speech on. "Thank you for coming everyone." My voice sounds shaky. "Zoey was very near and dear to me. After the death of her family, she was all I had left." I take a deep breath already wrestling with the tears, fighting to suppress my feelings long enough to get through this. "I would like to take a moment to tell everyone what kind of girl Zoey is...was." There's that word again. "Zoey was very kind to everyone she came in contact with. Her smile was contagious and anyone who had the privilege of knowing her quickly learned how much she cared for everyone." My throat begins to burn as my eyes tear up. This isn't real. It can't be. We were going to travel the world starting in Australia. We saved every penny we could so in college we could. We had plans and things to do, places to see. I stop a moment to gather my thoughts before continuing. "She could turn any gloomy day into the brightest one yet. She was one of the hardest working people out there. It comes as no surprise that she did so well in school. I think we all can agree she was an angel that left Earth too soon." A single tear rolls down my cheek as I rush back to my seat. I feel nothing yet I feel everything all at the same time. The emotion bursting out of me like a beast from its cage. I can't do this. I can't sit through this. I take my seat again as I squeeze every muscle to keep myself from shaking as the pastor starts in on his sermon. He starts talking about how on her stone There will be her birth date, and her death date. But that's not what matters. What matters is that small dash in between. That little dash is, little. But its significance is huge.

The rest of the funeral seemed to go on for years yet I can't remember much of it. At the end, we were all able to see her one last time as we walked back to our cars. I was the last one in the line. I look down at her thinking about how I will never see her beautiful face in person again. I couldn't hold it back any longer and broke down staring down at her.

"It isn't fair!" I manage to push the words out between sobs. "You were supposed to be my best friend forever! You were taken from me too soon! It's not fair!" I sit there a cry a few minutes longer before pulling myself together as her casket is shut by a few employees. I follow them out and watch her he loaded into the back of the hearse. After they closed the door I make my way to my car and pull out behind the police car to be led to the graveyard. This can't be real.

I watch as they unload her casket from the hearse and lower her to the ground. The song "Dancing in the Sky" by Dani and Lizzy is playing. One by one everyone else places a few flowers at her gravestone and leaves. It's just me now, kneeling in front of her grave holding a bouquet of red-tipped yellow roses. I'm sobbing and screaming as the memories flood back one by one. The sinister look in his eye as he grabbed her and pushed the gun to her head. Then the proud face he had when he pulled the trigger. I can't wait for this day to be over.