Mmmbeth
By Allison Williams
Characters
MMMBETH: Sensitive and moody Thane of Cawdor.
LADY MMMBETH: A gentle housewife... at first.
BANQUO: Mmmbeth's best friend. Thinks something's rotten in the State of Scotland
MACDUFF: Knows something's rotten in the State of Scotland.
QUEEN DUNCAN: Brilliant, misunderstood, refuses to die.
DAPHNE: The smart witch.
DORIS: The sly witch.
TWIT: The dumb witch. -Me
HECATE: Big Mama Hecate, head of the witches as well as a blues queen.
TWO MURDERERS: Eager to help dispose of inconvenient obstacles to the throne, like heirs and suspicious thanes.
SON OF MACDUFF: Son of Macduff; played by Macduff.
DOCTOR: Definitely has a Ph.D.
GENTLEWOMEN: They don't do windows.
TWO SOLDIERS: Behind the door when the brains were passed out.
RUNNERS/SERVANTS: Played by the cast.
Scene 1
Darkness. An eerie shriek of laughter.
DAPHNE: When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
Spooky lighting fades up.
DORIS: When the hurly-burly's done.
When the battle's lost and won.
Not spooky lighting.
TWIT: I could do Tuesday, does Tuesday work?
DORIS: Tuesday's bad for me—I'm taking this great folk-dancing class, wanna come?
TWIT: Ooo! Do you do 'Gathering Peascods on a May Morning'?
DORIS: Oh. I thought it was gathering codpieces. No wonder they made me stop.
DAPHNE: Would you two hush it? Honestly. The only one who gets any witching done around here is me! (Hits DORIS)
DORIS: Ow! Sorry. (Hits TWIT)
TWIT: Ow! Sorry. (Looks around for someone to hit. Seeing no one, hits self.) Ow! Sorry.
DAPHNE: Can we reset the mood? (Looks around at not-spooky lighting) Ahem!
Lights shift back to spooky. DAPHNE snaps fingers. Smoke pours from the cauldron [optional spookification]. Add a spooky sound effect or music if desired. TWIT goes into a trance.)
DAPHNE: When shall we three meet again?
DORIS: When Thane of Cawdor's due.
TWIT: (trancelike) The spirits say he comes...at two. (normal voice) Well, two-ish, really. You know how those spirits are. I've been trying to get the spirits into one big group chat to get the schedule sorted out, but my Magic 8 Ball needs an update and— (Catches DAPHNE'S disapproving look, hits self) Ow! Sorry.
DAPHNE: Right, then. I want everyone back here at two. Hair ratted, faces pale, fingernails sharpened, and make sure you go before we meet. No dashing off to the privy in mid-prophecy this time, hmmmm, Doris? (looks at DORIS)
