Tua Aeng

The Arrival

Oh God, I am so tired. My body feels heavy, as if something is dragging me down. I put my heart and soul into building my career. I thought it would make me happy, and it does, but dear God I am tired.

Building an empire is so damn hard. The endless brainstorming, planning, promoting, interviewing, auditioning, and developing new products is so exciting, but I am only one man, and the toll on my body is becoming too much. God. I sign. What should I do? I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I knew it was hard work to develop my own agency and be my only client, but the stress of being solely responsible for the financial well-being of all my employees is daunting. I just want to close my eyes and let the darkness take me.

Briiiiinnnnngggg.

My phone suddenly goes off. God......who is calling me at this time of the night. I contemplate not answering the phone call, but something urgent may have come up at the agency, and as CEO I cannot abdicate my responsibilities.

"Hello, this is Mew, how can I help you?"

"Phi. Can you answer the door? I really need to speak with you."

I rush to my feet and tumble down the stairs to the front door.

What is he doing here this time of night? Something must be wrong. Why did he show up without calling? What the hell is going on?

"Tua Aeng. What are you doing here?"

"P'Mew. Please. Can I come inside?"

I open the door and lead him into the house.

"Gulf. What's wrong?"

As I speak to him, I can see that something is not right. He has lost so much weight, his face is pale and lifeless beneath his chocolate-colored skin, the tears spilling from eyes so filled with pain.

My right hand grasps my chest as a sudden, sharp pain grips me. I release my chest and pull him into my arms wrapping one arm around his waist in support and while the other grasps his head. I lead it to my shoulder and run my fingers through his hair.

"P'Mew." He cries, tears spilling from his warm brown eyes, his body trembling. He raises his head and looks into my eyes, hands grasping tightly on my pajama top.

"Can we stop this now?"

"Can we stop this now P'Mew?" He asks, speech halting.

"I can't do this anymore. It hurts too much Phi."

"I know you said we should wait, that you need to know that I'm sure. But it hurts Phi. I don't want to do this by myself."

"I miss you so much Phi. Please nah. I don't want to be alone. Please don't do this to me Nah. Please, I just want to be with you." He continues to sob.

"I love you Phi. Please......please just let me love you nah."

"Gulf..." I call out his name.

"Phi please. I know you think I am too young." He goes on, frantically. His words are broken, tears, and mucus dripping down his face.

"I know you wanted to give me a chance to grow up, to gain experience, put Phi, I swear to you that I'm sure of what I want. I'm sure that I want to be with you Phi."

"I know you are scared Phi. I know you've been hurt, and you don't want a repeat experience, but I swear I'm not like him Phi."

"Please Phi give me a chance. Give me a chance to love you."

As I look at him pain encompasses my entire being. My head hurts and I am so tired. I don't know how to process what I'm experiencing right now. Gulf looks so small, so broken. Have I done this to him?