Tua Aeng

New Beginnings

When I open my eyes, the sun is already low in the sky, I check the bedside clock; its 2:40pm. Gulf is still asleep his head laying over my heart, hand clutching my t-shirt. I have dozens of missed calls. Fuck. I didn't even hear my phone ring.

I slowly reposition Gulf laying him on the pillow next to me and covering him with a blanket. He whimpers in his sleep and fidgets a bit before he settles. I brush his hair gently still not quite believing he is here.

I call my office.

"Good Afternoon N'Fee. Please update me on what is going on, I am sorry you could not reach me earlier, I had an emergency and couldn't get to the phone. Is there anything urgent that I need to handle?"

"Nothing urgent right now Sir. P'Song and I managed to take care of everything so far Sir."

"Great. Thank you so much for the great work. Unfortunately I am still unable to come into the office. Can you reschedule the non-urgent tasks for the next week and arrange for all urgent business to be handled remotely? I will be working from home this week. Please forward my phone to this number. Thank you Nong. I'll be in touch."

I look down at Gulf. His pale face worries me. He is so thin he looks ill. I call P'Best.

"Phi, this is Mew Suppasit. I just wanted to let you know that Nong is here with me. Phi, why didn't anyone call me, how can Nong be like this? I would have came immediately if I knew."

"Thank God. I was worried when he didn't answer my calls. I am sorry P'Mew. We didn't realize what was happening until it was too late. When we threatened to call you Nong forbid us. He said he didn't want to be a bother to you."

"Damn it."

"Phi, does he have anything on his schedule this week? Can we reschedule it if he does?"

"P'Mew...we placed Nong on medical leave when he almost collapsed before an event last week."

I look down at Gulf. "If you weren't so sick right now, I'd punish you. So stubborn." I think.

"Please take good care of Nong Phi. He has been through a lot. Oh. Can you also call Mae and Por and let them know he is with you? Thank you, Phi. Call me if you need anything and keep me updated on Nong's condition. Bye."

I disconnect the call and sigh. Oh God... his parents are going to kill me.

Brinnnnnng......Brinnnnng..... Briinnnng.....

"Sawadee Krub Mae and Por, this is Mew Suppasit speaking."

"Sawadee Ka N'Mew. How are you dear? We haven't heard from you in a while. Are you looking for N'Gulf?"

I am shocked. I am either not understanding the situation properly or Gulf's parents don't know about his current condition. But that can't be. Gulf is very close to his Mae and Por. He almost never goes anywhere without them accompanying him. What is going on here? Damn-it Gulf. What trouble did this kitten get himself into.

"Mae, Por, I don't know how to say this, but N'Gulf is here with me at my house. He is ok. He's sleeping right now, but I haven't see Nong for a couple of months and he doesn't look good. I am sorry Mae, Por, this is my fault. I thought I was doing what was best for Nong. I just wanted him to be sure, to not ruin his future." The words are rushing out of my mouth at a rapid pace demonstrating my anxiety and the pressure build in my chest, guilt eating me apart.

"Mae, Por, he lost so much weight. I just spoke to P'Best. He said Nong almost collapsed last week. Does Mae and Por know about this?"

"Ohh Mew. What happened to my boy? We had no idea. Nong has been staying at his apartment in the city. He hasn't come home in the last couple of weeks. We talk every day, and he says he is fine. He said he is trying to be more independent, didn't want to depend on everyone so much. He doesn't want to be a burden. I should have known something was wrong." His mother said.

I can hear the tears in her voice, and it is killing me. I can only imagine how hurt they are. Nong used to be so close to them. How did it turn out like this? This is not what I intended. I never wanted him to push everyone away. Oh Nong. What did you do?

"Mae, Por, I am so sorry. I am so sorry."

"N'Mew, it's ok nah. We know you didn't mean to hurt Gulf. We know how much he means to you. We don't hold it against you. Just take care of Nong. Have him call us when he wakes up." Says Mae.

"Tell him I said he's not too old to be whipped." States Por. "Making us worry like this." I can picture him shaking his head as he says this and I laugh through my sadness.

"Come see us, you and Nong, when he's settled. We leave him in you care."

"Take good care of my son," says Por. "We're trusting you with him. Don't hurt him any longer. I hope you realize that he is sure of what he wants."

I disconnect the phone call. I am sitting on the bed the phone laying over tuned on my lap. I am still...blank. I can't believe they forgave me. I hurt their son, their precious baby, and they are trusting me to take care of him. I was so scared. Scared that they wouldn't approve, that they would take him away from me, that he would be in pain, that he would cry. I never want to see Nong cry again, the pain I experience when he does in indescribable. I sob, deep, wrenching tears of relief fall down my face. Thank God. Thank God it went this way because this time I would have fought. I would have fought for Nong. He said he is sure. I will believe him this time. I will believe in us. I stoke his head and whisper in his ear. "Phi loves you. Phi is sorry. Phi promises to fight for us. Phi will not let you go again."