My Favourite Part

64(b): where we belong

Eric Macklin

Eric watched the cheap silver charms on Sophie Church's earrings dangle back and forth as she prattled on. It had been so long since he lost track of exactly what she was talking about that he saw no use in trying to figure it out now.

"And that's exactly the problem, I thought! Because without it, how will they have any idea what's going on, you know?" She bobbed her head, awaiting his comment.

"Makes a lot of sense," Eric bluffed, nodding as he slid his lunch around the plate with his fork.

He hoped that the flaxen tendril of hair that fell in front of his eyes as he looked down would obscure the vacant cluelessness in his eyes. Sophie went on, undeterred by his tepid answer; she had always seemed particularly skilled in carrying on conversations without anyone else's input. That quality made her a perfect lunch companion for a day such as this one. He couldn't quite manage to focus on anything.

He'd barely slept 3 hours. In truth, he'd only just woken up in time for work this morning. And although he'd skipped breakfast, and couldn't remember whether or not he'd had dinner the night before, the thought of eating the cold food before him made his stomach churn.

He missed her - his Evie. More than he had any right to.

He had no right to wonder if she missed him too, or to keep track of how long it had been since he last saw her (14 days, 12 hours and 13 minutes). He understood that in his head; and so, he sent a sick note in to work and forced himself into hibernation until his heart understood it too.

He was a grown man! He told himself as he paced the corridors of his flat. A full grown man perfectly capable of shaking off... whatever this was. He imagined what his parents, ever glib and indifferent, would say: "Steady now, Auby; misery's a rather unbecoming emotion."

The isolation only made things worse. Here he was, climbing the walls like an addict, all the while knowing that she was mere doors away. Perhaps she was going as mad as he was, reading and re-reading their texts like relics.

You're my forever, E.

Randomly of you and my stomach's in knots. Thursday can't come quick enough xx

I love you. You're my favourite part of every day <3

He was tempted to delete them. He convinced himself he would have to if he was going to move on, if was truly going to stop lovi- No. That he knew he could never do, no matter how hard he endeavoured.

It felt strange to say that he missed her. 'Missed' wasn't the right word. Eric 'missed' his morning bike ride to work. He 'missed' autumn leaves and summer rain. What he presently felt for Evangeline was something much deeper, more cavernous and inescapable, than any emotion he'd felt before.

When he sat on his little green couch, he longed to open his eyes and see her lithe legs straddling his lap; hear her laughing in his ear as she played with his hair.

When he stood in the hall, he imagined her hand in his, her clear doe-like eyes gazing lovingly at him, ready to go anywhere as long as he was there too.

At night, he felt the warmth of her body entangled with his, her little hands against his chest and her lilting voice humming beside him. When he slept, he saw what they would be if he hadn't let her go. Needless to say, he had tried to avoid sleeping whenever possible.

"Yeah, Doug, doctor says my flu's all cleared up," Eric told his boss, holding his phone with one hand and shrugging on his jacket with another.